Talk:Nabulsi soap

Survey

WP:Good article usage is a survey of the language and style of Wikipedia editors in articles being reviewed for Good article nomination. It will help make the experience of writing Good Articles as non-threatening and satisfying as possible if all the participating editors would take a moment to answer a few questions for us, in this section please. The survey will end on April 30.

• Would you like any additional feedback on the writing style in this article?

Sure. Tiamut^talk 12:13, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

• If you write a lot outside of Wikipedia, what kind of writing do you do?

Political analysis, fiction (in my spare time), copy-editing and linguistic reviews for academic publishers. Tiamut^talk 12:13, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

• Is your writing style influenced by any particular WikiProject or other group on Wikipedia?

Not the style, but definitely the choice of what subjects to write about is influenced by my involvement in Wikiprojects. Tiamut^talk 12:13, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

At any point during this review, let us know if we recommend any edits, including markup, punctuation and language, that you feel don't fit with your writing style. Thanks for your time. - Dan Dank55 (talk)(mistakes) 04:14, 21 April 2008 (UTC)

GA Review

Comments

• The segment in the lead that says ...since as early as the 10th century, Nabulsi soap has been exported across the Arab world and even to Europe. is missing from the article's body. Surely, it should be mentioned somewhere in the "History" section. --Al Ameer son (talk) 02:10, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

• It's cited in the lead, so I don't have a problem with that. If it hadn't been cited, then I'd have agreed with you. I think that the "as early as" is redundant though, and ought to be removed. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 15:55, 23 April 2008 (UTC)

Review

Apologies for not getting down to this review sooner. I have a few comments to make, after having reviewed this article according to the good article criteria:

• I think the image in the lead is a bit too large, too overwhelming.

• "Nabulsi soap has been exported across the Arab world and even to Europe." Why even to Europe? Europe's not that far away from Palestine.

• The ordering of sections doesn't work for me. I think it should be History, Production process, Today.

• I'm not happy with the Physical description section, and what's informative there would be better in Production process I think. I'm particularly not happy with the apparent favouring of the Al-Jamal brand. Does the other manufacturer also hand-wrap its product in crinkly white paper?

• Following on from that, the Al-Jamal factory is named, but the other surving producer is simply described as "operated by the Touqan family". So are the two surving brands called Al-Jamal and Touqan?

• "It is said that Palestinian women ...". weasel words. Who says? When did they say it?

• "By the early 20th century, Nablus was the largest soap producer in the whole of the Fertile Crescent." "Whole" is redundant". Fertile Crescent should be briefly explained, not just linked to.

• "The two powder mixtures (the qilw and sheed) are combined, together with hot water from a copper vat, in fermentation pits" There is no fermentation involved in soap production, so why "fermentation pits"?

• "The soap is commonly used with a loofah in local homes ..." Homes local to where? Nablus? Palestine?

• "Despite the hardships, Nabulsi soap continues to be sold in shops throughout Nablus and the West Bank ...". I'm not comfortable with "despite the hardships"; seems POV.

• "... the solution is carried in wooden barrels to a large frame made of one-inch wooden planks ..." Is that one-inch long, or one-inch thick? If it's thick, is that in some way significant for the manufacturing process? Needs a metric conversion in any case.

I'm putting this article on hold to allow time for these isues to be addressed. --Malleus Fatuorum (talk) 15:55, 23 April 2008 (UTC)