Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Subcutaneous emphysema/archive1: Difference between revisions
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*'''Comments''' The text is too difficult for the general reader, much of it reading like a medical textbook. You need to examine every use of jargon and try to either avoid it or explain it and minimise its reuse. Also, be careful with using "or" when giving a lay alternative to jargon. It can easily be interpreted as an alternative option rather than an alternative wording. I'm concerned about the choice of sources, which don't seem the most obvious choice of papers and books should one have access to a library or bookstore. Relying on Google Books restricts choice. Quick reference and study aids aren't the best medical books you could use. A specialist textbook could have a chapter on this subject that a library would allow you to photocopy and could form a solid foundation for the article. For example, ref 8 (nursing handbook) deals with SE after chest surgery but is cited for SE symptoms in general. The treatment outlined in ref 7 (diving handbook)--breathing oxygen--may not be appropriate for other causes of SE. Quite a number of the papers are case notes which, although they often give some background on the condition, aren't a first choice for a quality source. A review paper would be better. There's some confusion in the article over whether SE is easy to detect by hand or commonly detected by x-ray. I'm no medic so have no idea what the correct thing should be, but you don't do an x-ray if you have already figured it out easily by touch. The word "commonly" appears a lot. The statement "Subcutaneous emphysema is a common result of surgery" seems most unlikely. Help to reader know if this is rare (which I suspect it is) and if so, try to avoid saying "common". Given the limitations of the sources, I suspect the article is neither comprehensive or fully accurate. A peer-review by a medic with experience and better books would help. [[User:Colin|Colin]]°[[User talk:Colin|<sup>Talk</sup>]] 22:03, 19 May 2008 (UTC) |
*'''Comments''' The text is too difficult for the general reader, much of it reading like a medical textbook. You need to examine every use of jargon and try to either avoid it or explain it and minimise its reuse. Also, be careful with using "or" when giving a lay alternative to jargon. It can easily be interpreted as an alternative option rather than an alternative wording. I'm concerned about the choice of sources, which don't seem the most obvious choice of papers and books should one have access to a library or bookstore. Relying on Google Books restricts choice. Quick reference and study aids aren't the best medical books you could use. A specialist textbook could have a chapter on this subject that a library would allow you to photocopy and could form a solid foundation for the article. For example, ref 8 (nursing handbook) deals with SE after chest surgery but is cited for SE symptoms in general. The treatment outlined in ref 7 (diving handbook)--breathing oxygen--may not be appropriate for other causes of SE. Quite a number of the papers are case notes which, although they often give some background on the condition, aren't a first choice for a quality source. A review paper would be better. There's some confusion in the article over whether SE is easy to detect by hand or commonly detected by x-ray. I'm no medic so have no idea what the correct thing should be, but you don't do an x-ray if you have already figured it out easily by touch. The word "commonly" appears a lot. The statement "Subcutaneous emphysema is a common result of surgery" seems most unlikely. Help to reader know if this is rare (which I suspect it is) and if so, try to avoid saying "common". Given the limitations of the sources, I suspect the article is neither comprehensive or fully accurate. A peer-review by a medic with experience and better books would help. [[User:Colin|Colin]]°[[User talk:Colin|<sup>Talk</sup>]] 22:03, 19 May 2008 (UTC) |
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:*Hi Colin, thanks for your thorough review. We've been working on simplifying the article for laypersons usage (in regards to jargon) over the past few days although it clearly needs some more work from what you've said. I'm not quite sure what your concern is over references, is it all of them or just those linked to Google Books or other odd textbooks like the nursing book? If the former is your concern, i'm confused as the majority are peer-reviewed articles which are, as a whole, very reliable. I'll have to disagree with your statement "''you don't do an x-ray if you have already figured it out easily by touch.''" and say, for example, if you feel a lump, you do not know it is cancerous (and even though you may suspect cancer, you still need the confirmation). SE is fairly common after surgery, it's just a lot of the time it isn't noticed. This shouldn't be all that surprising as surgery is essentially trauma to the body and it leaves very open wounds for air to get trapped in. Despite this, i'll get to work on correcting the ambiguity of the article and removing confusion. Thanks again for your comments. Regards, <font face="Tahoma" size="2px">'''[[User:Cyclonenim|CycloneNimrod]]'''</font><font size="1px"><sup>[[User_talk:Cyclonenim|Talk?]]</sup></font> 22:29, 19 May 2008 (UTC) |
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Revision as of 22:29, 19 May 2008
Subcutaneous emphysema
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Self-nominator: I'm nominating this article for featured article because I feel that it meets the specified criteria for a FA. It's been expanded to be a reliable article with few facts missing. The only worrying aspect, for me, is perhaps it is too short, but i'll leave all that to you guys as this is my first nomination. Regards, CycloneNimrodTalk? 18:22, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
- Quick comment for now. You should consider re-structuring the sections as per Wikipedia:MEDMOS#Diseases. More from me later. GrahamColmTalk 18:42, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
- Done thanks to yours and SandyGeorgia's comment (on the talk page). Regards, CycloneNimrodTalk? 18:45, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
- My, that was quick! GrahamColmTalk 18:48, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
- I do try ;) Regards, CycloneNimrodTalk? 18:51, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
Comments
Current ref 5 "Oxford Concise Medical Dictionary" ... is lacking a page number
- Other than that picky item, sources look good. Links checked out fine with the tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 19:20, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
- Comments The text is too difficult for the general reader, much of it reading like a medical textbook. You need to examine every use of jargon and try to either avoid it or explain it and minimise its reuse. Also, be careful with using "or" when giving a lay alternative to jargon. It can easily be interpreted as an alternative option rather than an alternative wording. I'm concerned about the choice of sources, which don't seem the most obvious choice of papers and books should one have access to a library or bookstore. Relying on Google Books restricts choice. Quick reference and study aids aren't the best medical books you could use. A specialist textbook could have a chapter on this subject that a library would allow you to photocopy and could form a solid foundation for the article. For example, ref 8 (nursing handbook) deals with SE after chest surgery but is cited for SE symptoms in general. The treatment outlined in ref 7 (diving handbook)--breathing oxygen--may not be appropriate for other causes of SE. Quite a number of the papers are case notes which, although they often give some background on the condition, aren't a first choice for a quality source. A review paper would be better. There's some confusion in the article over whether SE is easy to detect by hand or commonly detected by x-ray. I'm no medic so have no idea what the correct thing should be, but you don't do an x-ray if you have already figured it out easily by touch. The word "commonly" appears a lot. The statement "Subcutaneous emphysema is a common result of surgery" seems most unlikely. Help to reader know if this is rare (which I suspect it is) and if so, try to avoid saying "common". Given the limitations of the sources, I suspect the article is neither comprehensive or fully accurate. A peer-review by a medic with experience and better books would help. Colin°Talk 22:03, 19 May 2008 (UTC)
- Hi Colin, thanks for your thorough review. We've been working on simplifying the article for laypersons usage (in regards to jargon) over the past few days although it clearly needs some more work from what you've said. I'm not quite sure what your concern is over references, is it all of them or just those linked to Google Books or other odd textbooks like the nursing book? If the former is your concern, i'm confused as the majority are peer-reviewed articles which are, as a whole, very reliable. I'll have to disagree with your statement "you don't do an x-ray if you have already figured it out easily by touch." and say, for example, if you feel a lump, you do not know it is cancerous (and even though you may suspect cancer, you still need the confirmation). SE is fairly common after surgery, it's just a lot of the time it isn't noticed. This shouldn't be all that surprising as surgery is essentially trauma to the body and it leaves very open wounds for air to get trapped in. Despite this, i'll get to work on correcting the ambiguity of the article and removing confusion. Thanks again for your comments. Regards, CycloneNimrodTalk? 22:29, 19 May 2008 (UTC)