To Kill a Talking Bird (Frasier episode)

"To Kill a Talking Bird" is an episode of Frasier, centering around Niles' attempts to be socially accepted by other residents in the posh apartment block he has moved into, by throwing a dinner party.

After being forced to part with his dog, who he finally realises was essentially a canine substitute for his ex-wife Maris, he gets a bird capable of some speech. It manages to say "I love you" a few times (although on one occasion it offers "I love you Grandma", seemingly pining for its former owner), and also memorises Martin's description of it as "cute but stupid"). It is easily startled by the doorbell at the apartment, and when the first of the dinner party guests arrives, it goes into shock and digs itself into Niles' skull.

A vet is called, but he can't get there immediately. Afraid of humiliation from a fairly snobbish roster of guests, Niles is forced to hide in the kitchen, leaving Frasier to host the party. This spoils Frasier's hopes of making an advance at an attractive woman who is present.

Frasier intermittently pops back into the kitchen to consult with Niles, who on one occasion notes that "these people live for gossip, already I've found out that that Peter's a lech and Carol's a lush". Eventually Frasier convinces him that people will find the story funny and worthy of sympathy, so Niles (wearing a dishcloth over his head, having tried to get the bird to go to sleep) goes into the main room.

People are in fact comforting, until Niles uses Carol's name, and the bird repeats the line "Carol's a lush". The use of Peter's name leads it to say "Peter's a lech", and the 'cute' woman Frasier is pursuing is described as "cute but stupid". The guests all angrily leave. Frasier claims that he's lost his best romantic prospect in years, while Niles has only lost the support of "a posh lush and a Dutch letch", a phrase he sarcastically challenges the bird to repeat.