Talk:Metroid/to do

• Oppose for now, due to grammar concerns. I'll post them as I find them. Examples:
  • "From Mario, the game had extensive areas of platform jumping, and from Zelda, non-linear exploration, but Metroid decidedly differs from those games in its atmosphere of solitude and foreboding." Doesn't flow correctly, should clarify "the game".
  • The lead doesn't really summarize the entire article, and is rather short. What about the adaptations? And is there anything on the cultural impact of the series?
  • In terms of sources about the games, the Metroid retrospective could provide some more info.

I know you are a featured article creator extrordinare these days, but are you sure Gametrailers is a reliable source? Judgesurreal777 (talk) 01:42, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

It is when I say it is! :P No, if it's the work of GT staff it is, I believe (like the Metroid, LoZ, Final Fantasy retrospectives, et al)- but user videos are definitely not included. Still, a fair question; perhaps we should ask at VT:VG. Der Wohltemperierte Fuchs ^(talk) 01:45, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

• • "The Metroid series currently consists of ten games across different video game platforms" - why not mention them, i.e. "The Metroid series consists of ten games spanning Nintendo platforms from the [etc]"
  • "...that had no distinction between music and sound effects" - this last clause is tacked on, rephrase so it's clear that "score" is the subject/noun in question.
  • "The Metroid series has been noted and praised for its unique style of video game music." this should have multiple citations to back it up.

• Oppose, 1a. The article is thorough, but lacks fit and finish and a professional standard of prose. I note that you have not gotten a peer review, which should have been done before coming here. The article needs a thorough copyedit by an uninvolved editor. Some examples follow:
  • The hatnote/disambig link and all the SR stuff needs addressing. I'm guessing the actual name of the planet is "SR338" (although you write it different ways within the article) but "SR338" redirects to List of highways numbered 338. So you took the leftovers and redirected them here? The better solution would be to have all variants redirect to a disambiguation page that points them to the highway article or here. You can't guess if someone typing those in would be looking for a Metroid article or a highway article.
  • In the lead you are mixing verb tenses: "Metroid combined..." and "The series features..." They should probably all be present tense.
  • "The Metroid series consists of ten games spanning Nintendo platforms from the [etc]" Looks like a remnant of the first sentence in the next paragraph.
  • "The Metroid series currently consists of ten games spanning Nintendo Platforms from the Nintendo Entertainment System, Super Nintendo, Game Boy, Game Boy Advance, GameCube, and Wii." Grammar.. a "from" without a "to".
  • "Samus Aran has also been featured in many other Nintendo produced games..." Second "also" in a row. "Nintendo-produced" should be hyphenated.
  • "Metroid has had several games adapted into manga comics and a live-action movie was at one point in development." Metroid had the games adapted, or Nintendo did? The live-action clause needs a rewrite.

This is just the lead, but is indicative of problems throughout. --Laser brain (talk) 19:47, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

Lately, peer reviews are an exercise in futility, and I wont be blamed for not utilizing them until they start being useful. As for the rest copyediting, I will get on it. Judgesurreal777 (talk) 20:30, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

There is a new list of PR volunteers that you can tap once listed at PR: also see WP:FCDW/March 17, 2008 for helpful tips on how to get PR to work more effectively (you've got to recruit :-). SandyGeorgia (Talk) 20:39, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

Yes, I meant to mention that. Since putting my name on the list a couple weeks ago I've already been tapped for 3-4 peer reviews that I would not have sought on my own. I got a peer review on one of my own articles by asking at a WikiProject and offering help in return. The benefit of a peer review is that you get your own tired eyes off the article and some fresh ones on, which this article needs. --Laser brain (talk) 20:44, 31 March 2008 (UTC)

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.

If I think of anything else, I drop a word. igordebraga ≠ 03:44, 5 April 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

• What makes http://www.mechadrake.com/metroidmanga.html a reliable source? It's also missing publisher information.
• http://www.gen-n.net/dyk/002.shtml what makes this reliable? It seems to be mainly a review site.
• Likewise http://www.n-sider.com/index.php?
• And http://www.n-retro.com/reportajes/origenmetroid.htm?
• And http://www.gametrailers.com/index.php?
• http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=4202 gives the source as Hollywood Reporter. Would be better if you cited the original report.
• Did the RS Noticeboard ever get a decision on http://www.the-magicbox.com/?

I just looked at sources, and reviewed like I would have for an FAC. (April 13, 2008)

• The last paragraph should be merged into the beginning of the first paragraph. I would also tweak it some as it the same content is repeated in "Creation and design" later on. "The original Metroid was influenced byfeatured gameplay elements from two other major Nintendo franchises, Mario, from which it borrowed extensive areas of platform jumping, and The Legend of Zelda, from which it borrowed platform jumping and non-linear exploration, respectively."

Recurring characters

• Character names should not be italicized.
• I would also mention which games the characters appear in the first couple of sentences of their paragraphs; to help give a more out-of-universe perspective.

Protagonists

• Samus Aran needs more information, not a lot though. It looks unbalanced compared to the other content about the characters.
• Minor tweaks: "The Galactic Federation is as its name suggests, the governing body of the galaxy. The GF, and was formed after numerous space-faring species made contact, and t. The subsequent cultural convergence led to rapid technological advancements."

Antagonists

• Minor tweaks: "The antagonists of the Metroid series, theA hostile group known as Space Pirates serve as the antagonists of the Metroid series. They are a hostile group of "interstellar nomads" resembling..."
• Given that the series is named after them, I would consider moving the paragraph about the Metroids to the first paragraph of this section.

Story

• I would switch this section over to regular paragraph form instead of using bullets and further condense the information.
• Another reason to switch over is it mimics the "Games" sections in appearance.

History

• I would at least briefly mention Metroid II in this section.

Audio

• The game titles need to be italicized.

Live-action movie

• I would trim down the mention of the April Fools Joke. "On April 1, 2005, IGN posted an April Fools' Day article reporting that critically panned director Uwe Boll would be directing the Metroid movie, with Samus herself being portrayed by Michelle Rodriguez, despite her opinion that the GameCube was a "machine for kids". The supposed movie, with a $19 million budget, would not follow the games' storylines; and would featureinstead, it would have Samus, a "scientist for the government," donning a Power Suit to defend Earth from alien invaders in the near future, in a plot similar to that of Half-Life. At the end of the "report," however, Casamassina reveals the whole article was an April Fools Joke."

Reception

• Move the "EGM chosing Super Metroid as the best game" a little further down the paragraph.
• I'm not sure what this part in the music reception is suppose to convey. I'd tweak/reword it some. "...design on the GameCube, and composer Kenji Yamamoto utilizes heavy drums, piano, voiced chants, clangs of pipes, and electric guitar."
• Combine the last two paragraphs into one larger paragraph to balance the section.