Kirk Van Houten

Kirk Van Houten sometimes called Milhouse's Dad (born December 29th 1965) is a fictional character on the animated television series The Simpsons, voiced by Hank Azaria. He is the father of Milhouse, and the ex-husband of Luann.

Profile

Family life

Kirk has been portrayed as a stereotypical middle-aged male loser and deadbeat dad. Much of Mr. Van Houten's character revolves around his extreme emotional depression after his divorce from his wife Luann. Luann got custody of Milhouse when they divorced, but Kirk has visiting rights and is often seen with Milhouse in later episodes. Much to his displeasure, Milhouse often addresses him as "Weekend Dad". Kirk suffers from the need to cry all the time after his divorce, even in good times.

Kirk's parents also divorced when he was a child. His mother lives alone in Springfield on 257th St., while his father travels the county searching for adventure in his RV with his new wife.

Career

Kirk previously served in the U.S. Army, and went to Gudger College.

He initially worked at his father-in-law's cracker factory, 'Southern Cracker' (the Dryyyyy Cracker), in middle management (Milhouse often bragged about it at the time). Later in the series, when Luann leaves Kirk, he is fired from the factory (since his boss is Luann's father who considers crackers a "family food"). Kirk's job performance was likely a factor in his dismissal, as Luann noted that his "complete lack of business sense and managerial impotence" caused the number-one cracker company in Springfield to fall into a tie for sixth with the dismal "Table Time" and "Allied Biscuit". According to Luann, Kirk was not a very good provider, and she had to stoop to borrowing money from her sister or having to steal clothes from the church donation box.

Kirk moves into a depressing, rundown singles community and tries to start a new career as a singer-songwriter. His demo tape, "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" left Homer in hysterics. The title "Can I Borrow a Feeling?" is supposed to have reappeared on an album by Cody Matherson. A sleeve for this recording, often cited as having one of the worst album covers of all time, has featured on dozens of web sites and at least two publications although the album is, in fact, clearly a fake.

Kirk reveals in the episode "I Am Furious Yellow", where he visits his son's school on career day, that he was currently employed as an assistant to the guy who puts fliers under people's windshield wipers. Kirk also had a job standing on the curb holding a sign directing people to a condo development and worked as a scarecrow protecting a soy-bean crop, which resulted in his eye being gouged by a crow. Since being fired from the cracker company, Kirk seems to be unable to maintain a steady job. He once shouted at Luann that she had to keep up the alimony payments she owed him, and he has been seen at the Springfield unemployment office, perhaps suggesting that alimony and unemployment benefits are his only steady sources of income.

Love life

His love life is terrible after Luann, unlike hers which sees her dating the then-bachelor Apu and having a long relationship with Heavyweight Gladiator Pyro, amongst others. He has taken part in various dating schemes.

Kirk dated a temp from KZUG Radio 530 named Starla, although she looked much more like a prostitute, whom he took to Moe's Tavern. The date ends badly when she asked for his keys claiming that she needs to change wigs, only to drive off with his car, tossing his demo tape out of the car window.

Kirk was put in jail in the episode "Pranksta Rap" for "kidnapping" Bart, but Kirk ends up enjoying his time in prison due to the numerous conjugal visits he got from the desperate women of Springfield. (See Hybristophilia.)

In the episode "Milhouse of Sand and Fog", the Van Houtens are getting back together, so Bart and Milhouse hatch a scheme (in a parody of an episode of The O.C.) to get them to separate again, so that Milhouse can again enjoy the greater attentions of his parents. The scheme backfires, and nearly results in the separation of Homer and Marge. Bart and Milhouse try another hapless scheme, by pushing a mannequinned version of Bart over a waterfall. At the end of the episode, a gullible Milhouse jumps over the side, screaming "I don't want to live in a world without Bart!" Upon witnessing this, Marge asks if Milhouse can swim, to which Bart's reply is "What do you think?" Since that time, Kirk and Luann are often seen together. But the couple was apparently separated in the episode "Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)", when Kirk is seen with Milhouse at a single father's meeting. In more recent episodes, the Van Houtens are together again. Although Kirk as the hopeless bachelor will likely be something of a running gag, it would seem that he and Luann are together again for much of the long haul.