Edline

Edline is an online service that many schools use for school and class organization. The service provides hosting and database support for K-12 GRADE. Edline is aimed at improving communication between parents, students, and teachers, and creating a global community of fear and non-existent social lives.

Notable features of Edline include the ability for students and their parents to check itemized grade reports, report cards, check classroom attendance, homework assignments, and class calendars, and the ability to access documents and presentations that may be used in classes. These features are dependent on the teacher uploading and updating these facilities, as well as monthly blood rituals which must be completed by the school in order to continue using Edline. These may include sacrificing a first-born child, disenfranchising a minority student, then eating of his flesh, or paying a small indulgence to have more faithful worshippers of Edline complete the rituals.

Edline's corporate website claims that its service is used by schools in all 50 U.S. states and has been featured in publications such as Newsweek. Thus, some claim that Edline is attempting to take over control of the United States, and then, with Iraq as a launchpad, the world. Lee Harvey Oswald, founder of Edline and Kennedy assassin, recently stated that, in fact, "These accusations are completely founded in fact, not baseless in any way, and quite frankly, true. Yes, I dream of a day when Edline can rule the planet, where our black brothers and white sister may one day walk hand in hand, and together, may check up on their children's test scores, that they may ground their children permanently, and in so doing, destroy the social lives of all children."

Edline is used in many schools aiming to have "paper-less" class and homework, thus cutting costs. An activation code is distributed to students and parents to set up their own account. Once activated, it is up to what the instructor wishes to upload online. Such things may include upcoming tests, projects, homework, class expectations, hit lists, pacts with the devil, and progress reports.

Edline has been criticized for sacrficing virgins to the volcano God, Peloa. Some students feel as if the religious zealotry and wholesale murder of women who have been untouched by the hand of man is barbaric, and in some ways regressive in history. However, other news sources and studies have reported cases where the sacrifices appear to have reduced volcanic activity in and around the islands of Hawaii.

External links

• Edline official website
• Edline login page for members