Education trap

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An upbringing trap is an apparently positive upbringing that has negative effects on the person to be educated and / or the relationship between the educator and the person being educated and should therefore be avoided.

Known parenting traps

Examples of parenting traps are:

  • Unintentional reward (“reward trap”) : A distraction of a child's attention by, for example, candy or a toy (with older children also other forms of attention) can calm the child down, but it can be perceived by him as a reward and subsequently as Funds for donating and maintaining this reward are misused. Ignoring can therefore be a strategy against this process.
  • Yielding : Giving in to screaming and whining creates calm at first, but the child learns that he can use this strategy more often.
  • Overprotection and fear of danger: The child should be protected from danger, but thereby misses developmental tasks and experiences of autonomy that are important for later life, and they candevelopfears and increased basic distrust .
  • Pampering upbringing : Children should feel better by relieving them of tasks, which is often the result of the parents' convenience and time pressure. As a result, the children are not shown how to solve things, but rather they learn that they are made for you and thereby miss important development tasks and learning processes and lose self-confidence . Overflowing with exaggerated gifts is also supposed to make the child happy, but in the long term it creates too high expectations that cannot be withstood.
  • Overlooked behavior / equality : Desired behavior is expected and therefore overlooked and not valued.
  • Wrong instructions : Wrong instructions can overwhelm and irritate the child. Too many instructions lead to resignation or rebellion in the child. Therefore, not too many instructions should be given at once. However, too few instructions leave the child in the dark about what to do and cause misunderstandings. Instructions that are too difficult and imprecise can also not be understood well and cause excessive demands . It is therefore important to take into account the child's individual level of development and to clearly define the instructions. The right time and place is also crucial. For example, more instructions are ignored when playing a game than when speaking directly.
  • Threats : Although threats initially make the child do what you want, they lose their appeal over time, as it is understood that they are staying that way or that they are unrealistic. They also have a negative effect on the parent-child relationship .
  • Wrong goals : The child should learn to adhere to the parents' rules in order to be considered good, but only learns to do so in order to be well received by his parents without pursuing them as goals or duties of their own.
  • Neglect and laissez faire : The child is left to its own devices and therefore cannot learn properly and feels a lack of closeness and security. The encouragement for freedom and autonomy is not fully appropriate here.
  • Constant Punishment : Constant punishment leads to frustration, hatred, rejection, or fear. The child's goal is not to be punished, but not necessarily on the matter itself.

literature

  • Silke Pfersdorf: Education trap fear: Why parents have to give their children back their freedom, Diana Verlag, 2009, ISBN 3-453-28506-9
  • Thomas Rupf: I have to tell my child everything ten times !: Educational guide for parents; the educational trap: when healthy power struggles turn into an interaction disorder, Stangl, 2003
  • Gerhard Spitzer: The new, relaxed education: And how to grow with your tasks, Carl Ueberreuter Verlag, 2015, ISBN 9783800079292

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ Don't fall into these 7 parenting traps - Elternwissen.com. Retrieved September 25, 2018 .
  2. ↑ Westfälische Nachrichten: Consistent and appreciative . In: Westfälische Nachrichten . ( wn.de [accessed September 25, 2018]).
  3. ↑ Gerhard Spitzer: The new, relaxed education: And how to grow with your tasks . Carl Ueberreuter Verlag GmbH, 2015, ISBN 978-3-8000-7929-2 ( google.de [accessed September 25, 2018]).
  4. ↑ Silke Pfersdorf: Education trap fear: Why parents have to give their children back their freedom . Diana Verlag, 2009, ISBN 978-3-641-01615-9 ( google.de [accessed September 25, 2018]).
  5. ↑ Fear, an educational trap. (PDF) Retrieved September 25, 2018 .
  6. ↑ Barbara Laufer: Parenting trap pampering: "Too much is taken from children today" . In: THE WORLD . July 28, 2010 ( welt.de [accessed September 25, 2018]).
  7. ↑ Get out of the educational trap . In: HuffPost Germany . November 24, 2014 ( huffingtonpost.de [accessed September 25, 2018]).
  8. ↑ Thomas Rupf: I have to tell my child everything ten times !: Educational guide for parents; The educational trap: when healthy power struggles turn into a disorder of interaction . Stangl, 2003, ISBN 978-3-934969-50-6 ( google.de [accessed September 25, 2018]).
  9. ↑ Education case No. 7 - threats> Parents Planet -. Education with fantasy and humor . ( elternplanet.ch [accessed September 25, 2018]).
  10. ↑ Martin Wehrle: Be unique, not well-behaved !: Never say yes again when you want to say no - . Mosaik Verlag, 2015, ISBN 978-3-641-15459-2 ( google.de [accessed September 25, 2018]).