Five languages ​​of love

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The Five Languages ​​of Love is a couple therapy term coined by the American couple and relationship counselor Gary Chapman . It refers to five different relational languages ​​that are lived in partnerships and that are responsible for "feeling loved".

origin

Chapman wrote several books on people's love languages. These books have been translated into German since the early 1990s. With the psychiatrist Ross Campbell , he expanded the interpretation of love languages ​​into various areas of life development. In addition to the basic work The five love languages, other books and audio books on personal love language were published.

Content

Chapman also compares the personal language of love with a foreign language. When two people with different mother tongues meet, communication with each other will be difficult or even impossible. When one of the two partners learns the other language, communication will be possible, but only in one language. In difficult situations, the foreign language cannot replace one's own language. This means that, in the interests of optimal communication , both partners learn the other's mother tongue. Comprehensibility is promoted. According to his theory, both will almost always feel well understood. The five languages ​​are divided into:

praise and recognition

People with this relationship language praise the people around them for all possible and impossible things. They often see special achievements, favors, gestures and kindnesses in others and also have the gift of saying this in the right words that come from the heart. With words of praise and appreciation, sincere compliments, appreciation and thanks, they show the people they appreciate, their respect, their honest appreciation, their love and their gratitude. Very often these people do not even notice that they are praising. For them it is absolutely natural that they not only reward successes or achievements with praise , but also appreciate and express even the smallest attentions and gestures.

Togetherness - the time just for you

People of this language express their love and appreciation through times of exclusive, attentive, open and present togetherness (dinner together, conversations, physical affection, morning or evening rituals , whole weekend without disturbance, etc.) (" Quality Time "). For them it is about the time that you spend consciously and attentively, facing each other (conscious togetherness). For them, this means high quality. This unrestricted attention is a quality of relationship that they highly value.

Gifts that come from the heart

"Small gifts keep friendship" is the motto of these people. They show their appreciation to the people they love through small gifts or attentions. The material value does not play a role (more important: thoughts, creativity, surprise, unusual ideas, reference to the often unspoken wishes and needs of the recipient). The phase can often be observed, especially with growing children who first have to find their love language. The gift type appreciates when a suitable present is carefully selected. For him it is a sign of appreciation when someone thinks about the wishes and needs of the recipient while choosing the gift and takes time for a successful surprise or gives away his time and undivided attention.

Helpfulness

The principle: "If you need something, just say it, I like to do something for you", "What can I do you good?", "How can I please you?", "Can I support you?" Statements of people in the love language of willingness to help. They help out of passion, helping is a matter of course and a service of love for them. This is how you show those around you and your loved ones that you love them. It is not about the size of an aid. In the partnership, these can be apparently unimportant services or small gestures.

tenderness

Hugs and caresses for the partner make these people feel very good . They feel the quality of the relationship through touch and they show their love through tenderness. For her, a tender touch counts more than the spoken words “I love you”. The act of love is only one form of exchanging tenderness. If you have a partner with the same touch language, you will find a thousand ways to show your love in public by means of small caresses. For this guy, each of these touches is a commitment and a proof of love.

literature

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ Chapman, Gary D .: The five languages ​​of love: how communication works in marriage . Francke, Marburg an der Lahn 1994, ISBN 978-3-86122-126-5 .
  2. ↑ Gary Chapman: The Five Languages ​​of Love for Families . 4th ed., 1st paperback edition. Brunnen-Verl. [u. a.], Gießen [u. a.] 2011, ISBN 978-3-86827-255-0 .