Omiai

Omiai ( Japanese お 見 合 い , dt. “Look at each other”) or Miai ( 見 合 い , the “O” is an honorific prefix ) is the Japanese tradition of marriage mediation or its implementation. Since it always happens on the initiative or at least with the consent of the future spouse, we cannot speak of a forced marriage . Often there are several omiai before a marriage occurs.

In rural Japan in particular, unmarried women over the age of 25 and men approaching 30 are exposed to strong social pressures to at least try an omiai. Above all, the parents urge these so-called "leftover Christmas cakes" (which no one wants to have after the 25th) to choose a partner soon so that they can have grandchildren while they are still alive. Even taking this wish into account, some young Japanese agree to an omiai.

development

Omiai originated when the idea developed during the Meiji Restoration in Japan in the late 19th century that love should play a role in choosing a mate. Previously, arranged marriages by the head of the family were common.

procedure

A grandmother is organized by an intermediary - usually an elderly woman who does it semi-professionally. Interested candidates submit a short profile (age, occupation, hobbies, a photo) and receive a selection of profiles of potential partners. If there is mutual interest, the actual Omiai is arranged, usually a dinner in a hotel or restaurant, at which not only the candidates but also their parents and the mediator are present.

If there is no interest in getting to know each other afterwards, the agent should be informed immediately. Such a rejection is not an affront, but must be worded as politely as possible. Otherwise, a first meeting of the unaccompanied partners will be arranged, who thus enter into a relatively normal partnership. Traditionally, it is expected that the actual marriage preparations must wait at least six months. During this time, the relationship can still be ended if it turns out that the partners do not match.

An omiai can also be carried out by the parents themselves, friends or the supervisor in the company instead of an intermediary.

See also

• Getting married in Japan
• Marriage and Divorce in Japan

literature

• Margret Neuss-Kaneko: Family and Society in Japan . Beck, Munich 1990, ISBN 3-406-34010-5