Batu Pahat High School
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 | This article contains wording that promotes the subject in a subjective manner without imparting real information. (September 2007) |
| Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Tinggi Batu Pahat (SMKTBP) Sekolah Tinggi Batu Pahat (STBP) or High School Batu Pahat (HSBP) | |
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| Address | |
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P.O. Box 26, Jalan Zaharah, 83000 Batu Pahat, Johor. , | |
| Information | |
| Type | Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan (National Secondary School) |
| Motto | Nunc Aut Nunquam (Now or Never) |
| Established | 1914 |
| School district | Batu Pahat |
| Principal | Pn.Noorsiah Binti Mashod |
| Language | Bahasa Malaysia, Engrish, Bahasa Melayu, Bahasa Kebangsaan |
| Colour(s) | Dark green and yellow |
| Yearbook | Mercu |
Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Tinggi Batu Pahat (SMKTBP), shortened Sekolah Tinggi Batu Pahat (STBP), or commonly referred to as High School Batu Pahat (HSBP) is a secondary school for boys located in the town of Batu Pahat in the state of Johor, Malaysia. In fact, the name of "High School Batu Pahat" has been mistranslated until now by some stupid so-called translators as its meaning is actually "secondary school" at first. Some rumours say that the name "Sekolah Menengah Tinggi Batu Pahat" may make the school sounds more admirable as if the students of the school always make perfect successes in everything. However, many proves show that the school makes no different in both academic achievements or extra-curriculum activities than other normal schools.
The school's motto is Nunc Aut Nunquam; which means "Now or Never" and it was known as Government English School, Batu Pahat, during the colonial rule by the British.
History
Particularly a pride of Batu Pahat, being one of the oldest and most prestigious English schools in its hey day, many great people of importance in Malaysia have passed through its historic halls of education.
Close to over a century old, generations of fathers and sons, have vivid memories of power blackouts, school furniture covered in wondrous works of art by students, assemblies, Moral lessons and of course, sycophantic school prefects.
High School Batu Pahat is commonly associated as the second best secondary school in the small town of Batu Pahat. Its distant rival, TIGS, (a girls school) is widely known to have competed with High School Batu Pahat over the most trivial things, such as, public examination scores, longer school hours, drama contests and sports. The two schools are very well known for their legendary rivalry. Matching TIGS success or even surpassing it (if possible) is a long-term goal supposedly to be eventually achieved by High School Batu Pahat in the foreseeable future. However, to this date this dream is quite noticeably far from becoming reality. For instance, both High School and TIGS students start school at the same time but school ends for TIGS at 2.45 PM whereas High School at 1.55 PM. TIGS' student population size is also higher than High School's which explains why it produces more stupid nerds that score straight A's. This has been used as an argument by radical feminists against gender bias. However, while most university students are girls, note that most university professors are males. In addition, High School holds longer, more frequent assemblies than TIGS which is probably its only advantage over TIGS thanks to the wise leadership of Lin Kin Hark.
Staff
- Principle: Hjh. Norsiah bt. Mashod (Kind person. Treat students as adults and doesn't waste time on trivial disciplinary issues. Struggling to undo the damage done thanks to the previous administration. Stupid retards blame her for the previous administration's actions.)
- Senior Principle: Lin Kin Hark (Actually retired but is working behind the scenes, his contributions include longer and more frequent assemblies)
- Principle mentor: DotAn eShah
- GPK 1: Tn. Hj Jumali Bin Ahmad
- GPK HEM: En.Mohd Lutfi Radzi Bin Abdul Rahman
- GPK KK: Tn. Hj Shukor b. Hj. Saim
- PIBG's Chairman: En Hj Abdul Hamid Jamil
- GK Bahasa: Kuebu
- GK Science and Math: Pn. Saramma Abraham
- GK Kemanusiaan: En. Sergeant Singh
- GK T&V TB: En. Tee Sin Ay
- R&R (toilet) Consultant: Ragbi been Tahil
Academics
High School offers advanced secondary education. It aims to equip future leaders with the necessary skills and knowledge that are so essential for the country's progress. Subjects like Moral, propaganda sej, and bahasa melayu/malaysia/kebangsaan/whatever-you-call-it are stressed upon. Form 6 classes are for poor mediocre post-spm students. A Form 7 is being planned as there is insufficient time to cover very very essential subjects like Moral ON TOP OF relatively unimportant subjects such as maths and science. Currently, High School's Engrish and bahasa remains top-notch due to the systematic discrimination of non-native Engrish and bahasa speakers by Lin Kin Hark's covert administration.
Lower Secondary
Lower secondary is a prerequisite to for more advanced Moral, bm, and sej classes in forms 4 and 5. Usually, students here are not allowed full participation in extra curricular activities due to their perceived inability to think for themselves as they're too young.
Upper Secondary
Herein is where a High School education really starts. Subjects like Moral becomes sooo essential that failing it could result in being called a fascist, rebel or social outcasts. Science students too are required to excel at Moral as the subject trains their minds in rote memorization that is so important in their stream. Moral also teaches students to follow rules word-for-word and aids in the understanding of scientific concepts like Newton's Laws. Extracurricular activities cannot be overlooked as this is where student's leadership skills are tested. Students must compete among themselves to ambil hati teacher advisers' hearts so as to secure lucrative positions in one of the (too) many (unnecessary) available clubs.
Pre-University
For poor average students who aren't stupid enough to drop out but not smart enough to get scholarships. High School recognises the need of such students to have a proper education.
Board of Prefects
High School is famous for its fierce upholding of its democratic ideals. Head prefects are usually (overweight) academic losers elected by teachers. The democratic process is very simple. Anybody sly enough and with a silver tongue can work to get into the teacher's good books. Students are exempted from elections because they're considered too young and too stupid to choose properly. Current head prefect hold the record of being the first with a botak head. Prefects enjoy special privileges over their inferior non-prefect schoolmates. They get to leave classes earlier for recess and have permission to come to class late. Their contributions to the school's disciplinary record is invaluable. However, at one point where the virtually every prefect was sent to a brainwashing course in some degree mill, the school actually became more disciplined than ever. This phenomenon led many to doubt the efficiency of prefects in maintaining discipline. Some say they are the cause of discipline breakdown as they are usually overlooked when it comes to punishments. Hence, they're above the law. But the education department found a way to tackle this. Every prefect now has to shave their heads to magically make them more disciplined. This bright idea was conceived when some official dude visited prisons. The current head prefect bears the honor of being the pioneer of this cool haircut.
Extra-curricular Activities
Clubs are lucrative enterprising organizations aimed at emptying student's pockets without providing any returns whatsoever. The kind of club doesn't matter as they are basically the same. E.g: Uniformed bodies; marching, marching, marching and collecting money. Others: Collect money and do nothing.
Uniformed Bodies
- Pengakap (Scouts)
- Kadet Remaja Sekolah (KRS) (School Youths' Cadet)
- Pasukan Kadet Bersatu Malaysia (Soldiers' Cadet)
- Kadet Bomba (Firefighters' Cadet)
- Kadet Polis (Police Cadet)
- Persatuan Bulan Sabit Merah Malaysia (PBSMM) (Red Crescent Society of Malaysia)
- St. John Ambulans Malaysia (SJAM) (St. John Ambulance of Malaysia)
- Briged Lelaki (Boys Brigade)
Academic Societies
- Persatuan Bahasa Melayu/Malaysia/Kebangsaan/etc (PERBAYU) (Malay Language Society)
- Engrish Language Society (ELS)
- Persatuan Bahasa dan Persuratan Tiong Hua (Chinese Language and Literary Society)
- Persatuan Pendidikan Islam (Islamic Studies Society)
- Persatuan Sains dan Matematik (Science and Mathematics Society)
- Persatuan Pendidikan Moral (Moral Studies Society)
- Persatuan Sejarah (History Society)
- Persatuan Geografi (Geography Society)
- Persatuan Pendidikan Seni Visual (Visual Art Studies Society)
- Persatuan Kewangan (Financial Society)
- Persatuan Pengguna (Consumers' Society)
- Persatuan Tingkatan Enam (PERTINA) (Form Six Society)
Clubs
- Skim Lencana Anti-Dadah (Anti-Drugs Badge Scheme)
- Kelab Musik (Music Club)
- Leo Club
- Interact Club
- Kelab Catur (Chess Club)
- Kelab Pencegah Jenayah (Crime Prevention Club) - Integrated with the Board of Prefects
- Kelab Reka Cipta dan Inovasi Sains (Invention and Scientific Innovation Club)
- Kelab Siber (Cyber Club)
- Kelab Taekwondo (Taekwondo Club)
- Kelab Karate-do (Karate Club)
- Persatuan Seni Silat Cekak (Silat Cekak Martial Arts Society)
- Persatuan Seni Silat Hanafi (Silat Hanafi Martial Arts Society)
- Pancaragam (School Band)
- Kelab Seni Foto (Photography Club)
Facilities
A broken Japan-reject vending machine.
Administration Building
The administration building functions as the nucleus of the school. It houses key school head offices and most meetings are conducted here. Historically, the building has always been white but an idea crept into DotAn eShah's mind. Since white paint is in high demand and consequently prohibitively expensive, the then principal decided to paint the building yellow (as the colour was on offer cos it's so ugly) and green (they've run out of yellow).
Hall
Equipped with useless fans and a sub-standard sound system ruined by Form 1 n00bs.
Information Resource Centre
The library card was once replaced by a so-called unprecedented state-of-the-art "smart card" which can only be used to borrow books. The cards were priced reasonably (RM10 a piece) and succeeded in reducing waiting time at the library. However, a virus once infected the library's systems and wiped out its records of overdue books. Students, upon finding out, took advantage of the situation by refusing to return borrowed books. Since the unfortunate incident, the library has decided to implement countermeasures--replacing the "smart card" with the good ol' library card. What a genius solution to a problem that shouldn't exist in the first place.
Sports Fields
The field has been ruined due to the frequent and long assemblies conducted as insisted by Lin Kin Hark. An ill-conceived attempt was made by Lin Kin Hark to repair the field was made. Money was stolen (for a good cause)to buy homemade sprinkler systems. These useless contraptions turned out to have caused the opposite intended effect as the excess watering caused a flood.
Canteen
The canteen sells various types of Malay traditional food among others. Mice were occasionally spotted performing acrobatic acts in the canteen's kitchen providing free entertainment to the canteen's patrons.
Food menu has stayed the same since 1919 and the same low quality meals are still sold today at inflated prices. Prefects are privileged to sample these culinary legends with discounted prices to the amusement of the general student population.
Students' Cooperation
The koperasi sell various stationery items and snack such as breads, keropok ikan, chocolates, sweets, ice-cream and other junk foods at high prices due to increases in petrol prices. It makes use of human automatic doors equipped with T rulers assisted by prefects.
Laboratories and Workshops
There are currently 3 science labs for lower secondary , 3 more science labs for upper secondary and also special built lab for pre-U students for chemistry , physics and biology courses.The equipment are always up to date which encompasses state-of-the-art wobbly retort stands, "safety" bunsen burners and unbreakable beakers (because they are already broken). Genetically enhanced lab mice frequently escape and join their cousins in the canteen bringing new acts to the entertaining show.
Counselors' Office
Cyber Station
In an effort to make the jump for the Digital Age, the school has established a Cyber Station. Basically an in-school cyber cafe, it holds frequent DotA tournaments for teenage delinquents and a highly expensive printing service.Its being handled by the cyber club of the school under the guidance of Neo Shun Zhi. Neo Shun Zhi happens to be a corrupt mole man. Rumour has it that Neo Shun Zhi has been siphoning thousands of cash from Cyber Club funds. He is also known to have irregular fits of anger during which he shouts curses and other obscenities at DotA geeks. Apparently, he also thinks every PC in the Cyber Station is his. Mr. Neo is a poor physics teacher who got a C in SPM physics. His lousy salary thanks to his less-than-average teaching skills forces him to supplement his income with stolen money and giving boring tuition classes. The Cyber Station also provide a source of entertainment for students on their lunch break. They are free to play computer games and search for the truth about High School in the Cyber Station.
Gardens
Being one of the top school, physical appearance of this school is one the top priority up to the point where it's wasting money on par with addicted gamblers - the garden is part of this. Mainly, there are 2 garden with each of their own concept. The Japanese garden, which is located between the new block and the administration building consist of several bizarre yet unusually beautiful if they are lovingly arranged by Lin Kin Hark himself. With a pond as a finishing touch, the Japanese garden unleash an onslaught of blood-sucking insects (mosquitoes) - bringing itchy bites to those who are in its territory. Currently, the ELS ( Engrish Language Society ) is utilizing its uses to hold the "Speakers' Corner" event, which disturbs the peace by inviting untalented big-mouthed Engrish Ranguage speakers to kan-pow.
Beside the Form 2 block lies the Volcano garden - the garden that symbolises the school's exceptional ability to waste money and bad taste in aesthetics. At the center of the garden, a 3-meter high concrete mound can be seen. On the volcano itself, there are abounding amount of type of plants and flowers to be observed - taken care with slave labour. Surrounding the volcano is a pond, acting as divider between the garden and the other part of the earth and only accessible through a bridge - which portrays the ability of the school to ascertain the school's discriminating policies.
There are 2 other garden which were made and handled by the students under their respective clubs (cos gardeners are too few and too lazy and the school is too busy wasting money to hire more lazy gardeners). Those 2 gardens are the Interact garden and Leo garden. The Interact garden is located between the Form 1 block and the Form 2 block. The Leo garden on the other hand, is located near the main entrance gate which is the Gate A.
High School takes care of the cleanliness problem by prohibiting students from disposing their disposables into the rubbish bin. "Tong sampah mesti tak ada sampah". So most students obey and make do with littering the school grounds. Thus, the goal of maintaining cleanliness is achieved. Although this is limited to the rubbish bin.
Assembly Area
The assembly area is notorious for being the venue of assemblies of each lasting seemingly forever. Assembly is a time for practising oration and for the prefects, practising cow herding in preparation for their future occupations. Occasionally the head prefect will show his killer rhetoric skills. But most of the time students will be singing songs that will raise the school's spirits for the day. It seems that the only people enjoying assembly are prefects as it provides them with the opportunity to practise cow-herding in preparation for their future professions.
Parking Area
Rostrum
A supposedly historical flag pole lies here. It is said that a hole there was made by Japanese soldier firing his rifle. However, as many High School "folklore" this is completely false. Don't ask. Do your own research stupid, as "premier school" students are supposed to be smart.
Achievements
The ugliest school. The only school in Batu Pahat to hold 5 assemblies a week. Profitable Cyber Station (for one man). Proficiency in the Engrish language. Extremely high number of prefects. Prefects walk here and there for no apparent reason. Prefects also must wear fashionable blazers, as they strut about flamboyantly, they roast under the equatorial sun.
Extra-Curricular Activities
Marching, marching, marching, marching, boring speeches, collecting money and doing nothing. Failure to conform will result in nothing. So most students do nothing.
Notable Alumni
Since its establishment, SMK Tinggi Batu Pahat has educated many notable people in various fields. The following list shows the notable alumni of the school.
- Lim Kit Siang
- Soh Chee Wen
- Dr. Kua Kia Soong
- Dr. Chua Soi Lek
- Teng Chang Yeow
A widely publicized myth is that Lee Kuan Yew (former prime minister of Singapore) attended High School at one point. This however, is baseless and unfounded. No records whatsoever exist to confirm this.
References
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