Paraphilic infantilism
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Infantilism (paraphilic) is a psychological condition experienced by those whose level of physical maturity has progressed beyond the life-stage of infancy. The defining aspect of this condition is a profound sense of well-being or a great pleasure that becomes associated with various infantile objects and/ or infantile roleplaying. Infantilists most likely fall in one of two groups: Adult Baby (AB), and Diaper Lover (DL). Adult Babies between the ages of twelve and twenty may also label themselves Teen Babies (TBs). But, while ABs and DLs tend to associate with each other (forming a collective group known as ABDLs), it would be accurate to state that DLs are not necessarily infantilists. The distinction is made that while there is a sexual component to wearing a diaper for a DL, the diaper is not always seen as a symbol of regressing to an infantile state.
Clarification
Paraphilic infantilism is not to be confused with certain medical conditions of arrested physical development, which are typically referred to in the medical field "physiological infantilism." For the sake of clarity, in the remainder of this article, the word "infantilism" will be used to refer to what is technically called "paraphilic infantilism."
Infantilism in young children
Infantile regression is sometimes noted in young children, and is often associated with their exposure to stressful environmental conditions. This is usually under the idea of returning to a time when things were simpler, and the child did not worry, or have cause to worry. Such regression is usually temporary, as the parents and child will have time to sort out his or her feelings before they set. In older children, the duration tends to be longer, and sometimes becomes a chronic condition that lasts throughout their life.
Conscious vs Subconscious
Such irrational fantasies are almost always seated deep in the subconscious mind, which by definition does not always operate on the level of common conscious rationality. As such, any attempt to successfully modify this behavior pattern must by definition be capable of correctly interpreting the subconscious needs of the individual and of somehow meeting these needs in more rational ways.
A common object of fixation
Perhaps the most common object of fixation amongst infantilists is the diaper. Most infantilists feel drawn to wear and/or use diapers. The frequency of wearing and/or use ranges from once a year to continuously, varying from individual to individual, and often varying within the same individual from year to year.
Some infantilist lifestyles
Infantilists usually combine the submission of the baby role with the fetish of diapers, though not all infantilists practice coprophilia or urolagnia. DLs, for example, enjoy wearing diapers without taking the role of an infant, while ABs often prefer such roleplay. Where dominance and submission are involved, the top or dominant plays the role of a parent, caretaker, nursemaid, or babysitter. Some infantilists are also furries, and are generally referred to as Babyfurs.
Some forms of infantilism are purely regressive, without any sexual content. After an individual has reached full maturity, including a fully independent living situation, as well as stabilized in his or her long term sexual role in society, most infantilists report having incorporated certain aspects of sexuality into their infantilism. Though some infantilists have reported not doing so, most adult infantilists agree that their practice of infantilism has had a profound effect on their sexuality, if not having been a direct part of it.
Some infantilists' experiments with "adoption"
Some infantilists have a fantasy or goal of finding a "mommy" or "daddy" to keep them as babies 24/7, or for the rest of their lives. Such "adoptions" are normally facilitated through the Internet on websites which function much like dating sites. There are message/notice boards with a header and/or a picture and message text describing the person. "Adoption" in the ABDL community does not usually mean singles searching for one another, but can include this. Other less common advertisements feature couples or groups looking for an AB, or an AB looking for either of the two, or other ABs. These types of living situations sometimes develop into lasting friendships and, in addition to infantilism, usually include all of the regular dynamics found in other types of interpersonal relationship.
These types of living situations that attempt to create a 24/7 permanent regression generally last anywhere from a few weeks to two or three years. To date, no cases have been reliably reported of such arrangements lasting longer than this period. (Some fictional cases have been claimed, but these have never stood up to further investigation.) Eventually this type of an arrangement seems to prove to be too much of a financial drain on the "caregiver(s)" and the novelty of it wears off for both the caregiver(s) and the infantilist. Other living arrangements are then made, possibly including a continuation but with a reduction of the periods of regression. On occasion, enactments of this fantasy have received wide publicity and press.
Older infantilists' reaching of equilibrium
The majority of adult infantilists, after some time, usually reach a state of some type of equilibrium with their infantilist practice. In the majority of cases, this entails job stability, and usually a living situation that is some sort of a compromise between infantilism and normality.
The psychology of infantilism
Psychological perspectives on infantilism
In adult psychology and sexuality, infantilism is usually regarded as a type of sexual roleplaying and is often viewed as a variation of BDSM. In this variation, the person takes on one or more aspects of the role of a baby. It is a subset of ageplay and often regarded as edgeplay. In the context of fetishism or BDSM, it is more properly referred to as ABDL, and persons engaging in the practice as either adult babies or Diaper Lovers.
Some commonly experienced inner dynamics
The binge-purge cycle phenomenon
One interesting aspect of this tension that many infantilists have experienced, usually during the earlier stages of their infantilism, is the binge-purge cycle. Quite often, an infantilist who has only recently begun to discover his or her infantilist desire, will find him or herself going through cycles of buying several infantilist things, using some of them, then taking a vow to one's self never to repeat this. The person then bravely disposes of all of his or her paraphernalia, only to find that after a certain period of ever increasing inner tension the individual once again goes online or to the store and buys all of these things back again, at significant duplicated expense. This sad cycle has been known to happen to some individuals 10, twenty or even thirty times. Eventually it dawns in the individual's mind that demonstrating one's physical ability to dispose of all of one's paraphernalia will in no way result in creating one's mental ability to rid one's self of the desires.
A fantasy of permanent regression
During the early stages of infantilism, many infantilists report having the fantasy that somehow they might be able to achieve a living situation in which ‘permanent regression’ would be possible. In other words, the fantasy that somehow they could find others who would be willing to provide them with all of the physical necessities of life, in addition to treating them as a baby, for the rest of their lives. Clearly, this fantasy is impractical at first consideration, and ultimately irrational. In the vast majority of cases, after some deliberation, the impractical nature of this fantasy is eventually recognized and accepted by an infantilist, and some more practical means of finding some sort of a working compromise in one’s lifestyle is eventually found. In some extreme cases, this impractical fantasy is pursued to some extent. (See Some Infantilist Lifestyles above).
A conscious vs: subconscious tension
Amongst infantilists, the attitude that an infantilist may take towards his or her infantilistic desires often varies considerably from individual to individual. Many life-long infantilists report no longer having any qualms whatsoever about integrating their regressive roleplay into the larger set of behaviors that defines their overall lifestyle. Others report a persistent tension or conflict between their desire to regress, and their desire to be ‘normal’. Some report feeling this persistent tension for the entirety of their lives on through to retirement and old age. Very few report ever being able to succeed in completely alleviating the desire for any meaningful length of time.
A release of stress and tension (similar to the release of sexual tension)
Most infantilists report experiencing a great release of emotional stress and tension when they assume the infantilist role, as well as feelings of great inner security and contentment. These feelings are nearly identical to those feelings reported by most as a result of engaging in normal sexual relations. These feelings may harken back to feelings experienced during infancy or early childhood.
An eventual development of some form of acceptance
The experience of the Binge-Purge Cycle is somewhat similar to what many homosexuals have reported, after the initial discovery of their sexual orientations. In both cases, after a certain period of some inner conflict, most eventually learn to accept these subconscious traits in one way or another, rather than to attempt, unsuccessfully, to root them out. After some time, most infantilists eventually reach a certain type of a practical compromise in their lives, that enables them to both live a relatively normal life, while still indulging their infantilistic desires to a certain extent.
Infantilism and gender identity
One unusual aspect of infantilism is the disproportionate number of male infantilists vs: female infantilists. Based upon what is known of those infantilists who are willing to discuss their infantilism with others, many estimates of the ratio run from 95% to 99% of all infantilists being male. On the other hand, some believe that the apparent male majority may in reality be much smaller, due to a tendency amongst females to be less likely to openly discuss the fetish.
While no definitive studies have yet been made regarding the incidence of true homosexuality or bisexuality amongst infantilists, this incidence is believed in all probability to be approximately the same as, or slightly higher than, this incidence in the general population, at roughly 5% to 10%, depending on the definition. Accordingly, the great majority of infantilists are believed to be heterosexual males.
Infantilism and gender switch roleplaying
A significant minority of male ABs like to switch gender as a part of their regressive roleplay. This type of gender-switch-roleplaying shares some similarities with transvestism. As with transvestism, the gender role that an AB (boy or girl) assumes while roleplaying seldom affects the gender identity of that same individual outside of roleplaying. Another role that is sometimes assumed by some ABs while engaged in regressive roleplaying is that of the homosexual or bisexual. There is some confusion as to whether or not this indicates that the individual is indeed a bisexual or homosexual person. As with other types of regressive-gender-switch-roleplaying, the majority of these individuals usually do not exhibit any significant homosexual or bisexual behavior patterns while outside of regressive roleplaying.
Sissy babies
Some AB's who engage in regressive-gender-switch-roleplaying like to be referred to simply as a girl baby or a boy baby, others prefer to be called sissy babies. Various types of shaming, punishment, discipline, and crossdressing often accompany regressive-gender-switch-roleplaying.
Castration/SRS
Even more rare, some ABs wish to have sex reassignment surgery, or to be castrated. Although this wish exists only as a fantasy for most of those who have the wish, for a few it has been made a reality. Those few who have had sex reassignment surgery or been castrated usually fall into one or more of the following three categories.
1. They hope to live out their lives as a woman/baby girl in reality.
2. They hope the SRS/castration surgery will enhance the experience of being a sissy baby, and/ or of being more submissive.
3. They hope to rid themselves of the practice of infantilism entirely, which has not yet been found to work.
Academic researchers and case study submissions invited
Unfortunately, the majority of the information in this section is necessarily anecdotal. This is due to the fact that to date there have not yet been any major scholarly academic studies made of the phenomenon of infantilism. Some of the authors of this page would like to facilitate such work, and to assist in potential collaboration between academic researchers in this area, and/or infantilists. If any academic researcher might be interested, a list of other academic researchers, and numerous contacts within the infantilist communities can be made available upon suitable request by emailing to OrbitOne: wikipedia-email. Also, if any psychologist or psychiatrist may have anything to add or to alter about this information, or might have any relevant case studies, any such information would be most gratefully accepted and incorporated into this article at the same email addresses above. (Naturally, direct editing by any such professionals would also always be most gratefully welcomed.)
Impact and ramifications
Infantilism is found in all age groups. Most adult infantilists practice infantilism with great discretion. However, in some extremely rare cases, some AB's have made attempts to enter semi-permanently or even permanently into the regressive role. One cannot help but to question the practical feasibility of such an attempt. In the vast majority of individuals, the practice of infantilism is carried out only in strict privacy, and in ways that do not conflict with the individual's ability to earn a normal livelihood. As with most alternate life-styles there appears to be an infinite number of variations in the specific ways that infantilists may choose to practice infantilism. Many have managed to practice it while marrying, raising a family, and leading successful careers. Others have been less fortunate and have found divorce, and other types of social stigma to result.
Subsets based on age, (TBs and ABs)
Teenaged infantilists, or Teen Babies, usually remain segregated from adult infantilists. Infantilism practitioners usually divide themselves between teen babies (or TBs), who begin to practice infantilism between the ages of twelve to twenty, and adult babies (or ABs), who either begin to or continue to practice infantilism at higher ages. For legal reasons adults are limited from discussing sexual aspects with minors, and online communities therefore seek to separate them. Both enjoy shedding the hardships of life and regressing to an earlier time. This can include wearing and using diapers, using baby paraphernalia (such as pacifiers, bibs, bottles, rattles and toys), and being taken care of by someone else. Another allied phenomenon is the Daddy's Girl fetish lifestyle.
Subsets based on importance of ageplay, (DLs and ABs)
Diaper wearing is a sexual fetish for many adults that does not always incorporate the desire to regress in any other way. In such cases, those adults who enjoy wearing diapers, without sensing any desire to regress in any other way, often prefer to be referred to as Diaper Lovers (DLs). In fact, some who employ diapers only for the occasional purpose of sexual gratification, find themselves to be quite surprised when being classified together with others who are far more involved with them. Some Diaper Lovers even feel offended should any connection between themselves and infantilism be implied by others. Others voice less concern over such a distinction.
Those who, in their practice of infantilism, incorporate strong elements of the desire to otherwise regress, through various forms of role playing, often like to refer to themselves as Adult Babies (ABs), as opposed to Diaper Lovers.
Undoubtedly, infantilism does not present us with any black and white definitions, rather, it presents us with a seemingly infinite spectrum of various forms of behaviors.
Infantilism and Christianity
Biblically speaking, there are no clear-cut or direct references found within the Christian Bible to infantilism. However, within the Old Testament, there are numerous references to ritual purity that some Christians believe should be applied to infantilism. Due to the fact that there is an entire spectrum of varying beliefs and denominations within Christianity, and also due to the fact that there is no clear-cut reference to infantilism within the Bible, there is no one single view of infantilism that is held by most of those who consider themselves to be Christians, or even by any majority of those who consider themselves to be Christians.
Amongst the more conservative fundamentalist denominations, many have adopted the same views towards infantilism that they have adopted towards homosexuality, namely a view of the condemnation of the practice. Amongst more liberal Christian denominations, greater toleration seems to generally be practiced. This greater toleration towards infantilism by the more liberal denominations is also similar to the positions taken by these same denominations towards homosexuality.
The parallels between positions taken towards homosexuality and towards infantilism by various Christian denominations are somewhat unexpected, as many clear-cut condemnations of homosexuality can be found in the Bible, yet none can be found regarding infantilism.
Infantilism and privacy
Infantilism and privacy for adult infantilists
For some individuals, it is difficult to discuss one’s private desires with most others, especially when such desires are as uncommon as infantilism. For adult infantilists who have ‘significant others’, the policy of honesty would seem to be the best policy. This is especially true due to the fact that there are certain areas of overlap between infantilism and sexual intimacy in general, and to attempt to separate these two is not only somewhat dishonest to one’s partner, but also to one’s self. This is not to say that one's partner should necessarily be required to hear about all of the details. Only to say that one's partner ought to know that he or she has access to as much information as he or she wants to know, or is comfortable knowing, regarding the practice.
In many cases it has been reported that the children of infantilists, being as naturally inquisitive and nosey as children are, eventually find out about the fact that one of their parents occasionally wears diapers. In such cases, it may be wise to allow the child to know only as much as he or she needs to know, in other words, explaining something like ‘Yes, daddy does have a certain ‘condition’ that makes him have to wear diapers,’ but explaining no more, should the question ever arise. To expose a child to any more than this, is believed to have potentially harmful ramifications for the child, and may even be regarded by some as a form of willful neglect or even abuse of a child.
Some couples that incorporate infantilism into their relationship deliberately choose not to have children, in consideration of their view that they may not be capable of providing an environment for a child where the child could develop 'normally'. Others report successfully raising their children without their children ever being affected by, or knowing, the full extent of their practice of it.
Within the infantilist community there are many who believe that as with homosexuality, it is best to ‘out’ infantilism, or to bring infantilist individuals 'out' into public scrutiny so that the public can be made more aware of infantilism (and eventually more tolerant of it). These people are an increasing majority within the infantilist community.
Fortunately, due to the existence of the Internet, many infantilists have found that they can retain a sufficient level of privacy, while still discussing certain aspects of the practice with other infantilists in various internet forums and bulletin boards. See related links below for more information on this.
Infantilism and care for privacy concerns of the general public
Amongst infantilists, it is estimated that approximately 60% - 70% of all adult infantilists have made a conscious decision to practice infantilism only in the ‘full privacy’ of their own house or apartment, and they seem to consistently follow this policy. Amongst the remaining 30% - 40% there are varying levels of ‘reduced privacy’ that may be chosen. Reasons for ‘reduced privacy’ vary. A desire for self humiliation is often a component of such a practice. A certain desire to annoy, disturb or disgust others is also sometimes a component of this practice. Such behaviors, particularly the conscious decision to intentionally degrade the quality of life of those around one, are highly controversial.
Some who practice ‘reduced privacy’ will explain to anyone who might inquire that they have a ‘medical’ problem, and take it no further. Those who go no further than this generally seem to cause little or no difficulties for those around them.
On the more extreme end of this scale there are those who will intentionally expose their diapers to others, or even semi-intentionally create situations in which they are 'caught' by others in various compromised circumstances regarding their diapers.
While such behavior may bring a certain sense of satisfaction to some, one cannot deny the fact that such behavior amounts to gratuitously causing and delighting in the stress and/ or difficulties of others. The taking of such adverse pleasure in the difficulties of others may possibly be regarded as a variant form of sadism forced upon the public at large. Some infantilists who have been known to take these sorts of games too far have on occasion been arrested by the police.
Infantilists who have shown a reckless disregard for the public have been known to cause financial harm to restaurants and their employees, to store owners, and the list goes on and on. Undoubtedly, at certain points in the early lives of many infantilists, such stress and difficulty may have been forced upon them, but this does not justify repeating such behavior at the expense of even more additional innocent victims. For any infantilist who (for whatever reason) should choose the path of ‘reduced privacy’, the motto 'do no harm' is perhaps the best guideline. By this it is meant, do not do anything that could be construed as gratuitously delighting in the distress or difficulties of others.
Health problems
ABs and DLs are sometimes known to deliberately seek, or incidentally undergo, loss of bowel control or urinary incontinence. While they may accept these conditions willingly and not consider them health problems, there are associated risks. The loss of bowel control can lead to infections in the area or third party infections inflicted onto a partner or bystanders. In urinary and bowel loss, diaper rash can be a common ailment. This also can reduce privacy as diapers are needed in public as well.
Some interpersonal relationships that incorporate infantilism
Many interpersonal relationships that incorporate infantilism are between friends that have this common interest. Some infantilists form long lasting interpersonal relationships with a (professional) nanny who accepts payment to take care of the infantilist for an agreed period of time. Some have then even reported that such a nanny has eventually become the long term Significant Other of the infantilist. Another common type of interpersonal relationship that incorporates infantilism is the standard husband and wife marital relationship.
Other possible combinations are the ‘wife’ and ‘wife’ relationship which usually incorporates homosexuality, the ‘husband’ and ‘husband’ relationship which also usually incorporates homosexuality, or various threesome relationships where one may play the infantilist role more than the other two.
Generally, amongst younger adult infantilists, the most common type of interpersonal relationship that incorporates infantilism seems to be between two or more infantilists. Amongst older adult infantilists, the most common type of relationship that incorporates infantilism seems to be some form of a marital relationship.
The significant others (SOs) of infantilists
Many infantilists report having found very nurturing and caring partners, who have supported them and continue to support them in varying ways. In the case of marriage, some spouses participate in role playing, others do not. The nature of the initial informing about, or discovery of, the existence infantilism often sets the tone for the remainder of the relationship. As in all things, honesty, both on the part of the infantilist, and on the part of the significant other regarding his or her initial feelings and/ or reactions, is always the best policy, even though such honesty may not always be easy.