Fling

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An affair is a slang term for a temporary sexual relationship between two people, at least one of whom is married or has some other steady social partner relationship.

The term, which originally referred to a jump (of the horse) in a lateral direction and was used in the 18th century for a deviation of a general kind (cf. also Escapade ), has been used since the 19th century, based on the Austrian , mostly for a person, also in moral terms used short term marital relationship breakout. Other terms include cheating, cheating on your partner, affair or adultery , although adultery is almost only used as a legal term these days. The term fling has only been used in connection with adultery for a few decades.

Historical classification

This article or paragraph presents the situation in Germany . Help us to describe the situation in other countries.

The negative connotations suggest the infidelity that adultery was considered immoral or illegal in past cultures and these views have to modern times get. Babylonian laws forbade adultery as early as 2000 years before Christ. Traditional Greek and Roman laws also provide information on the handling of adulterers. However, these mostly only related to adulterous women. A possible explanation of this inequality: It is less the immoral character of adultery as a basis, but more the concept of "wife as property of the man". Laws of this kind primarily served to protect the lineage, because if a child were to arise from the affair of the wife, the adulteress could attribute this to her husband as his own. In contrast, a cheating husband did not have to take responsibility for an emerging child since the mother's family had to take care of it.

Laws that severely disadvantaged women in the event of adultery can still be found from the Middle Ages to modern times. It was not until the Imperial Criminal Code of 1871 that the same penalties for adulterous men and women were regulated. In the GDR, the criminality of adultery was abolished in 1955 and in the Federal Republic in 1969.

Studies and results

For years researchers have been trying to find out the reasons for infidelities. The results are often influenced by the background of the researcher. The research results of psychologists differ significantly from those of evolutionary biologists and behavioral researchers.

Ragnar Beer and Theratalk

Ragnar Beer, psychologist and couples therapist, taught for several years at the University of Göttingen in the field of marriage counseling and couple therapy in theory and practice. Since 1996 he has dealt with the topic of online couples therapy and started the “Theratalk” project. As part of this project, he and his team carried out several studies on the subject of fling. Particular emphasis was placed on the psyche of the respondents.

  • A preliminary study found that around 76% of men and 84% of women saw sexual dissatisfaction in the relationship as the reason for the affair they committed.
  • A survey of 3334 heterosexual men (34%) and women (66%) whose partners had cheated shows that those who have been betrayed often suffer from post-traumatic stress disorders such as depression, anxiety attacks or cardiac arrhythmias. The study also found that an affair was rarely a one-night stand . Over two-thirds of those duped said that their partners' affairs had lasted more than a month.

50% of the men who have been cheated and 55% of the women who have been cheated on check whether they are still being cheated on by their partner or again ...
... the cheated people search their partner's pockets, rummage through his mail, read his emails and check his cell phone for calls and SMS
48% of men and 53% of women suspected the infidelity of their partner
58% of women who suspected something found out about the fling
51% of men who suspected something found out about the fling
70% of women are angry at the other woman, 68% also at their own husband
70% of men are angry at the other man, but only 47% at their partner.

  • A third study surveyed 2601 heterosexual infidelity, of which 45% were men and 55% were women. The results partly coincided with those of the previous study with dupes.

Infidelity women found their lover in 35% of their circle of friends. 28% of men cheated on female friends and 20% on female colleagues.
For most of the respondents it was not their first affair. 51% of men and 45% of women were already unfaithful in their current partnership.
Two thirds of the affairs lasted longer than a month. About a third even lasted more than half a year. One-night stands, on the other hand, rarely occur.
The lovers were also often tied: 58% of women and 52% of
men.If the
affair is exposed, contact with the lover is not completely broken.About 40% continue to see their affair at least once a week.

Robin Baker

The British behavioral biologist Robin Baker published the book War of the Sperm in 1996 (original title: Sperm Wars ), in which he explains his theories on the subject of sex. Above all, he uses evolutionary biological approaches to explain why people cheat. In particular, Baker draws on the theory of sperm competition in animals and applies it to humans.

Christopher Ryan

From the perspective of the psychologist and author Christopher Ryan, physical fidelity is not anchored in human nature. Rather, this attitude has developed in the course of evolution. In his published book Sex. Among other things, he tells the true story that less than 10% of all animal species are monogamous. In the past it was also common for humans not only to hunt in groups, but also to share the prey within the tribe. Since the offspring were also raised together, it was irrelevant by whom they were conceived. The pairing served primarily to secure and maintain the group. Monogamy emerged only through the development of civilization. Ryan sees her origins primarily in agriculture, as ownership and the interest in passing on one's belongings to one's own offspring have come to the fore.

Further studies

In addition to these two studies, there are numerous other surveys that have addressed the topic.

  • In cooperation with the market research company Innofact, a partner agency had a survey carried out to find out more about the causes of the affair. The study found that 46% of men saw lack of sexual satisfaction as the main reason for fling. For 56% of women, lack of attention from their partner was the main trigger.
  • For a study, Paul Andrews of Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond asked 203 young, heterosexual couples on the subject. According to the results, men recognize more often than women whether their partner has had an affair. While 75% of the male respondents recognized the affairs admitted in the survey, women only had a hit rate of 41%. Andrews explained the results by saying that men are more suspicious of their partner's loyalty. Because here the possibility is given that they invest their resources in raising foreign offspring (cuckoo children) .

Affair and breach of trust in relationships

For most couples, an affair is an enormous breach of trust that cannot be easily repaired.

Scientists dealt with the topic of trust in close relationships. In their model they assume that trust can be broken down into three components.  

According to the scientific study, these components are predictability, dependability and belief in others. From the study it follows that these components in their combination lead people to grant their partner an enormous leap of faith .

As a leap of faith ( "leap of faith") , the scientists therefore define the belief that the male or female partner will behave lovingly and in the future. It is precisely faith that gives us emotional security in a relationship.

It is often wrongly assumed that trust correlates with the intensity of the love shown and the interdependence. But this is not the case: Holmes showed as early as 1987 that trust even correlates negatively with both of these variables.

On the other hand, it correlates positively with the desire for relative autonomy in the relationship.

In other words: people who distrust the motives of others often have unrealistically tight expectations and provoke the reactions they fear.

Interaction between the trust and the bond in a romantic relationship

Scientists Lorne Campbell and Sarah CE Stanton have combined the research on trust. They published this accumulated knowledge in their article.

In their study, the scientists emphasize the mutual interaction of the bond in a romantic relationship and trust.

This mutual interaction therefore has the potential to either give both partners the feeling of security or to contribute to the insecurity within the relationship.

For example, improving trust between partners can help improve the bond and intimacy between them. And improving attachment (through care, attention, intimacy) in return can lead to trust.

In conclusion, the changes in attachment and trust overflow into one another. They thus influence the quality, resistance to conflict and ultimately the success of relationships.

Larzelere and Huston (1980) report that trust in the early stages of a relationship is strongly correlated with the feeling of being in love the couple experiences.

It is particularly important for the development of trust that both develop an equally strong dependency, because "love that is not fully returned is probably the most accurate prediction of failed relationships."

As a relationship progresses, people learn that their interests and preferences sometimes differ. Conflicts of interest arise not only at the behavioral level, but even more often at the level of attitudes and beliefs. The couples weigh the cost of compromising against the presumed achievement of goals in the relationship. The question is asked whether you are in the "right" relationship.

When people express concerns about their own vulnerability and dependency, “empathy and responsibility” are the partner's key qualities that strengthen trust in him or her and in the future of the relationship.

If the couple manages to "make the adjustments to their lifestyle and needs," they will most likely develop the feeling of creating a very special relationship.

Affair worldwide - facts and figures

This article or the following section is not adequately provided with supporting documents ( e.g. individual evidence ). Information without sufficient evidence could be removed soon. Please help Wikipedia by researching the information and including good evidence.
  • In Russia only one in four Russians cheats. Moscow in particular is out of the ordinary - 76% of all male residents cheat there. The beloved is seen as a status symbol. It is far fewer women who cheat. In all of Russia it is about 20% of women, in Moscow about 40%.
  • In Italy, 67% of men say they cheat on their wives. However, the research institute Censis has evaluated that only 25% of men actually cheat.
  • 29% of Swiss have sex outside of marriage - both men and women.
  • In Sweden, 38% of men and 23% of women cheat.
  • In the US, only 15% to 17% cheat - and that with a guilty conscience, as a study by researcher Pepper Schwartz shows. Feelings of guilt and moral and religious concerns play an important role.

The affair business

Since cheating is no longer prosecuted, some business people have recognized a niche in the market. Affair agencies were launched and provide prospective customers with contacts for cheating. Due to the Internet, however, stationary agencies are now increasingly being replaced by contact exchanges on the Internet. Numerous providers not only offer contact options, but also give advice and tips on how to keep your affair secret from your partner.

In principle, a distinction is made between the following types of affair agencies:

  • Stationary affair agencies: z. B. telephone switching.
  • Online affair agencies: Pure online affair agencies are increasingly being replaced by so-called casual dating services, which are not limited to affair, but rather provide all kinds of erotic contacts. As a rule, these offers are free for women, while men have to pay for the time-limited use.

General contact exchanges now also offer categories where affairs and affairs can be searched for.

literature

swell

  • Rafaela von Bredow: Women in the Wild . In: Der Spiegel . No. 5 , 1999, p. 160-162 ( Online - Feb. 1, 1999 ).
  • Arne Duncker: Equality and Inequality in Marriage. Böhlau, legal history and gender research, volume 1. Cologne a. a. 2003, pp. 677-721.
  • Marshall Cavendish Corp: Sex and Society. o. O., 2010, pp. 39-40.
  • Violetta Simon: Revenge is female. In: Süddeutsche Zeitung. June 6, 2008 ( sueddeutsche.de , accessed July 1, 2010)

Web links

Wiktionary: Affair  - explanations of meanings, word origins, synonyms, translations

Individual evidence

  1. ^ A b Marshall Cavendish Corp: Sex and Society. 2010, p. 39.
  2. ↑ Duden, Affair
  3. ↑ Affair. In: Digital dictionary of the German language . Retrieved November 6, 2014
  4. ↑ Duncker, Arne: Equality and Inequality in Marriage. Cologne u. a., 2003, p. 719.
  5. ^ A b Petra Hollweg, Markus Krischer: The affair. In: Focus magazine. Issue 19, 2006 ( focus.de (accessed on July 2, 2010)
  6. ↑ theratalk.de , accessed July 2, 2010).
  7. ↑ Petra Hollweg, Markus Krischer: Enigmatic affairs. In: Focus magazine. Edition 38, 2006 ( focus.de , accessed on July 2, 2010).
  8. ↑ MID: Sexuality: Bad sex drives men especially to fling. In: Focus Online . November 18, 2008, accessed October 14, 2018 .
  9. ^ Pap / New Scientist, dpa: Affair: Men notice fraud earlier. In: Focus Online . October 30, 2008, accessed October 14, 2018 .
  10. ↑ a b c d e Swetlana Reder: Trust in close relationships. In: Swetlana's Coaching. April 5, 2020, accessed on April 5, 2020 (German).
  11. ^ "Adult attachment and trust in romantic relationships" (2019)
  12. ↑ Larzelere, RE, & Huston, TL: The Dyadic Trust Scale: Toward understanding interpersonal trust in close relationships. Ed .: Journal of Marriage and the Family. tape 42 , p. 595-604 .