The Legend of Old Gregg
Template:Infobox UK Television Episode "The Legend of Old Gregg" is the fifth episode of the second series of The Mighty Boosh. The episode also received great popularity on the website YouTube, which features a shortened version of the episode entitled "Old Greg", which many viewers, ignorant of The Mighty Boosh, do not realize is part of a larger episode.
Synopsis
Template:Spoiler After a poorly received gig, the Vince and Howard decide to skip town for a bit. They take in a spot of fishing on Black Lake where, angry at Vince's fishing success, Howard sends him back to the local pub. Whilst Vince swaps tales with the locals at the King Prawn's Head, Howard is abducted by Old Gregg, the eerie merman who haunts the lake's waters with The Funk.
Old Gregg: Hi there.
Howard: Who are you?
Old Gregg: I'm Old Gregg. Pleased to meet ya.
Howard: What do you want?
Old Gregg: Maybe I should ask you the same question. Whatcha doing in my waters?
Howard: Just taking the air, you know, not fishing.
Old Gregg: Then how come this hook’s in my head, fool?
Howard: That has nothing to do with me, sir.
Old Gregg: It's attached to your rod, motherlicker!
Howard: Don't kill me! I've got so much to give!
Old Gregg: Easy now, fuzzy little man peach. Hmmm? You ever drunk Baileys from a shoe?
Howard: Huh, what?
Old Gregg: Want to come to a club where people wee on each other?
Howard: No?
Old Gregg: I'm gonna hurt you.
Howard: Excuse me?
Old Gregg: I like you. What do you think of me?
Howard: I don't rightly know, sir.
Old Gregg: Make an assessment.
Howard: I think you're a nice modern gentlemen.
Old Gregg: Don't lie to me, boy.
Howard: I'm not lying.
Old Gregg: I know what you're thinking. Here comes Old Gregg, he's a scaly man fish. You don't know me. You don't know what I got. I got something to show ya. You know what that is? That's Old Gregg’s vagina! I've got a mangina! I'm Old Gregg!
Songs featured
- "Love Games" – performed by Old Gregg and Howard
- "Sea Funk" – performed by Howard, Vince, Naboo, and Bollo after drinking the Funk's juices.
Minor characters featured
Old Gregg
Old Gregg (Noel Fielding) is a strange, murderous, hermaphroditic merman-creature that lives at the bottom of Black Lake. On a full moon he kidnaps any fisherman that sails in his waters. Some say he's half-man half-fish, others say it's more of a 70/30 split, but, as Lucien (Barratt), a local fisherman, says, "Whatever the percentage, he's one fishy bastard". Old Gregg has seaweed hair and webbed fingers, he wears a silver jacket and a tutu, and has an accent that seems to suggest he originates from the American South. He lives in an undersea cave and has, as he puts it, "all things that are good". He is the keeper of The Funk (see below) and has a "mangina." The bright light which emerges from Old Gregg's mangina has a hypnotic effect on its victims. He takes them to his underwater lair ('Gregg's Place') to marry, or kill them. Only one man has ever returned from Old Gregg's lair (though technically four in total, plus one ape, since Vince, Howard, et al escaped at the end of the episode; this might just be taking it a tad too seriously), and he was so terrified that today he shrieks whenever he is spoken to. Howard et al don't shriek, so this might be an isolated problem.
Once Howard is taken to Old Gregg's lair, he discovers that Old Gregg is a pathetic creature, desperate for love. Old Gregg paints watercolours and has a fixation with Baileys, so he constantly offers Baileys whenever he is not painting watercolours of himself, Howard or Baileys. He is very persistent, repetitive and mad, and wishes he could perform in a catchy 80's funk duet with Howard called The Family Funk. At the end of the episode he persuades Howard to marry him, and while Howard escapes before the marriage can take place, the show ends with our heroes driving back to town and Old Gregg perched atop their van, wearing a wedding dress. What happens when they return to London or how Howard deals with Old Gregg is never made clear. Old Gregg's catchphrase is to wail "I'm Old Gregg!".
Old Gregg also appears in the live show and sings his "Love Games" song to Howard which turns into a rave at the end of the song.
The Funk
The Funk is a small, medicine ball-sized, purple alien who lives in a box in Old Gregg's underwater home. The Funk is made up entirely of teats which can be milked and produce a funk-shake, and drinking this apparently grants a person extreme funkiness. When the Funk first came to Earth it fell into the possession of Bootsy Collins, who used it to become a funk star but mistreated the Funk terribly. Eventually the Funk ended up under the sea, where it was found by Old Gregg and taken to Gregg's lair.
Interestingly, when Howard opens the Funk's box, the sad-looking creature seems to recognize him, calling his name in a high, whispy voice. It is unknown if Old Gregg spoke of Howard to the creature, if it was able to overhear their conversations outside the box, or if it somehow recognized Howard due to his obsessive love of jazz-funk fusion music. Howard steals the box at the end of the episode, and while it is implied that Old Gregg catches him later, we are never shown what becomes of the Funk.
In some early stage shows a character called Jono The Jono would come on from underneath the stage and drink The Funk's funky milk, but this was not adopted as a regular theme mostly because of a lack of trapdoors at every theatre or gig.
Naan Bread
Appearing only in 'The Legend of Old Gregg,' a man seemingly composed entirely of garlic naan bread, who comes free with the curry that Howard and Vince purchase in the King Prawn's Head. His appearance parallels the first series joke concerning Fire.
Others
Ramsey - Played by Rich Fulcher, Ramsey is a local artist who tells Howard and Vince about Black Lake and rent them his boat. His main form of art is sticking seashells onto various objects. Matilda - Matilda is Ramsey's wife. Ramsey has stuck seashells onto her face as part of his "art". Neville - An old fisherman at the bar that has presumably "never been fishing".
Trivia
- One of the gloves worn by Old Gregg is the same glove worn by Vince and Sandstorm in the previous episode, "Fountain of Youth".