The Aristocrats

The Aristocrats (also known as The Debonaires or The Sophisticates in some tellings) is an exceptionally transgressive dirty joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Steven Wright has likened it to a secret handshake among comedians, and it is seen as something of a game in which those who tell it try to top each other in terms of shock value. It is rarely told the same way twice, often improvised, and was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. It is thought of as a badge of honour among expert comedians and is notoriously hard to perform successfully. Throughout its long history, it has evolved from a clichéd staple of vaudevillian humor into a postmodern anti-joke.

The joke

Three parts

This joke almost always has these elements — alternative versions may change this form, but such versions tend to assume that the audience is already familiar with the joke:

1. The setup: The joke always begins with a "family act" going in to see a talent agent.
   • Those who meet the agent can include the whole family, or just one family member (usually the father).
   • The agent asks (sometimes after saying that he's not interested, and a plea from the father) what they do.
   • If the whole family is present, the act may be performed for the agent, rather than described.
   • There is also the possibility of a neutral observer telling the tale of seeing the performance to the talent agent.
2. The act: It is described in as much detail as the teller prefers.
   • While most tellings follow one of a few basic forms, the description of the act is meant to be an ad lib.
   • Traditionally, the description is crude, tasteless, and ribald. The goal is to cross the boundaries of propriety. Incest, pedophilia, scatology, bestiality, and murder are common themes.
3. The punch line: The shocked (or intrigued) agent asks what the act is called, and the proud answer (sometimes delivered with a flourish) is "The Aristocrats!"
   • The punchline may be modified in some variants, but generally such variants are told only in a context where the original joke is known.
   • Because the sense of what an aristocrat is has faded in many countries, the final line may simply be seen as the end of a rather bawdy joke rather than a punchline. In some regions the name of the act is "The Sophisticates" or "The Debonaires".

An example

This version of the joke is fairly short, and simply demonstrates the form. Actual performances of the joke can last minutes, and rumors cited in the film suggest that Chevy Chase used to hold parties at which the goal was to tell the joke for half an hour (without repeating any of the acts contained in its performance).

A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."

The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."

The man says, "But this is really special."

The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"

He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I take her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my kids come out and begin to do the same, but my daughter's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my son performs anal sex on her."

The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my daughter hits the highest note in the song, my son and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a Dirty Sanchez before having her perform oral sex on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lie down on the stage."

The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to lick each one of us to orgasm in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."

He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"

The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"

"The Aristocrats!"

History in print

• In Charles Dickens' novel Nicholas Nickleby (1839), toward the end of Chapter 15 there is a similar juxtaposition of distasteful acts with the concept of aristocracy, which bears a strong resemblance to the joke:

'He has a very nice face and style, really,' said Mrs Kenwigs.
'He certainly has,' added Miss Petowker. 'There's something in his appearance quite - dear, dear, what's that word again?'
'What word?' inquired Mr. Lillyvick.
'Why - dear me, how stupid I am,' replied Miss Petowker, hesitating. 'What do you call it when Lords break off door-knockers and beat policemen, and play at coaches with other people's money, and all that sort of thing?'
'Aristocratic?' suggested the collector.

• The Aristocrats appears on page 987 of Gershon Legman's Rationale of the Dirty Joke, Vol. 2, published in 1975 . Legman retells the joke, complete with its traditional vaudevillian flourishes, though he does not attribute the joke to vaudeville roots. Instead, Legman learned the joke from a young man who grew up in a broken home.

• In a 2005 interview, UK comic Barry Cryer claims to have heard the joke "fifty years ago."

2005 film

Main article: The Aristocrats (film)

A film called The Aristocrats premiered at the 2005 Sundance Film Festival. Co-produced by Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza, directed by Provenza and edited by Emery Emery, the film is based on hours of digital video taken over several years, featuring comedians talking about and telling their versions of the joke. Because The Aristocrats was Johnny Carson's favorite joke, the film is dedicated to his memory.

Variations

Every telling of the joke is, by definition, a variation because of its ad-lib nature. However, there are certain common variations:

• Audition - The act is not described to the agent, but performed, often involving the agent in the depravity of the act.
• Auto-biographical - The story is told in the first person, with the teller either being the agent or a member of the act.
• Meta-joke - The joke is told as a part of a larger story about a telling of the joke.
• Reversal - The family act is a typical act, but the name is shocking.

Many of these forms rely on the assumption that the audience is familiar with the format of the standard version of the joke. Several of these forms appeared in the film.

See also

• Shaggy dog story

External links and sources

• The Aristocrats Joke Database