Parentification

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Parentification or parentification ( Latin parentes "parents", facere "to make") is a term from family therapy that is mostly used to describe a reversal of the social roles between parents and their child . Parentification in this sense takes place when the child feels asked and / or obliged to take on the “parenting function” for one or both parents, which is not suitable for children, is overwhelming and blocks further development.

In the context of family-theoretical considerations, such a role reversal means a disruption of the family hierarchy and the generation boundaries. The effect of such a distorted family structure on the further development of the parentified individual is judged to be damaging, especially on the part of structural family therapy .

Origin and development of the term

The first description of the psychodynamics of parentification goes back to the Hungarian psychotherapist Iván Böszörményi-Nagy (1965). He defined the term neutral as a temporary or permanent subjective distortion of a relationship in which, contrary to the objective situation, a parent-child relationship had arisen. This can happen both within adult relationships and as a complete reversal of the natural generation relationship in parent-child relationships. In adult relationships, such a distribution of roles can have a stabilizing effect. The effects of such a reversal for an adolescent can, depending on the circumstances, be development-promoting or sustainably detrimental to development.

Iván Böszörményi-Nagy's contextual approach differs from structural family therapy in assessing the harmfulness of parentification. If a cross-generational sense of justice is the basis of the dynamics of parentification (Böszörményi-Nagy, Spark, 1973), the harm and benefit of such shifts in roles can only be assessed in a specific context. The decisive factor here is the family's appreciation of the compensation in the form of “earnings accounts”: “Parentification only has a pathogenic effect where it is not recognized within the framework of the family value system.” The focus of structural therapy, on the other hand, is on maintaining or restoring a normative understood family structure. It is primarily a matter of “consolidating the generation boundaries” and “lifting the parents back into the driver's seat.” Parentification is here in principle an expression of a structural deficit that needs to be remedied ( Salvador Minuchin , 1974).

More recent research distinguishes between “adaptive” and “destructive” forms of parentification. A distinction is also made here between “instrumental” (a child takes on adult tasks) and “emotional” parentification. The latter is also judged to be the more damaging form: these are parents who “inappropriately demand love and affection from the child in the sense of a partner substitute, include them in their personal problems inappropriately for their age or let them function as peacemakers in the family. "

Destructive Parentification

In the case of parentification, hierarchical boundaries within the family system become blurred. The child is exaggerated compared to the parent (s) by delegation and / or by self-initiated exaggeration (by the child). It sees itself unconsciously and due to the (mostly also unconscious) expectations, actions and demands towards that parent as (in) correspondingly responsible. It gets into a parentification dynamic when it understands the parent as needy, and it can think of that parent as superior on the one hand in the service of the family, on the other hand in the sign of its own ambition towards that parent (e.g. "little professor"). Transaction analysts assume that the child's decision to parentify can become a determining element, a script , of his “life plan”.

Parentification of the daughter as a partner substitute for her father

In a healthy environment, a clear distinction is made between the parent and child level. This means that the child does not have to worry about tasks and conflicts at the parent level, which is a relief for them. Parents who resolve their conflicts among themselves at parental level save their own child from taking a stand and thus having to choose loyalty (for one / against the other). It is for the benefit of the child if he is not allowed to interfere (at the parent level) in the first place.

Even where a child (“only”) acts as a partner substitute (of a parent) (see also perverse triangle / triangulation ), the generation boundary is violated and such a case is also referred to as parentification .

Psychodynamics

The classic variant of parentification ( delegation ) can be viewed as an attachment disorder of the parent (who unconsciously “delegates” to the child). The parental caregiver expects the child to be available as a (more) reliable attachment object, for example if that parent himself suffers from parentification. Or their life situation is made more difficult by problematic partnerships, separation and divorce, self-insecurity, substance abuse, mental disorders or illnesses. Due to the parent's own problems, the child may be overburdened or the parent may be perceived as “needy”.

Often the "reversed roles" are passed on to subsequent generations , as the parentified adult lacks, so to speak, internal support from the person to whom he is parentified, and he tends to catch up on his own child for this later.

Parentified children can give up important aspects of their own childhood (such as spontaneity , liveliness, carelessness) through long-term excessive demands . The resulting deficits in your emotional development can lead to multifaceted and - in some cases - serious problems and disorders. These developmental disorders from childhood can continue into adulthood.

Disruption of give and take (compensation disorder) and parentification

Parentification can not only result from a delegation by parents, but can also result from a misinterpreted need for compensation for the “weakened” parent (“compensation disorder”). Bert Hellinger says: “The violation of the hierarchy is particularly evident in a family where a child wants to do something for its parents in order to save them. When a child perceives that one of his parents is getting so sick that he has to die, or that, for example, his mother is dragging her to death or she wants to kill herself, he says in his heart: "Better me than you." With this one inner resolve it reveals a deep love. At the same time, it rises above its parents. ”That child's attempt to“ take over ”(a burden on one parent) can be understood as“ remaining faithful ”to parents (after which the child unconsciously believes that it should not fare better than its parents ). The child tends to give (or give back) to parents in need (or to want to take away a burden) and to take care of them (possibly self-sacrificing).

Symptoms

In the case of milder or only temporary parentification, this can help the child to increase self-esteem, independence and a sense of responsibility. In severe cases, the long-term consequences can be low self-esteem, problems of detachment and identity, depression and even suicidal tendencies.

intervention

Psychotherapeutic help may be indicated for children and parents. However, it is only successful on the part of the parents if they manage to recognize the entanglement of parentification as symptomatic and to begin to resolve it for the benefit of the child (with themselves). Partner role and parent role and task must be deliberately differentiated and may in no way be offered to the child.

If, within a client-helper relationship, a tendency towards parentification is re-enacted (see also countertransference ), ie if the helper tries to serve the position of the “better parent” towards the client, this is counterproductive if it is not recognized and balanced.

Dysfunctional stabilization in adults

Even more problematic is a stabilization of the parentification dynamics in adult (age) and then all the more difficult to resolve.

See also

literature

  • Ivan Boszormenyi-Nagy, I. Spark (1978): Invisible bonds. The dynamics of family systems. Klett-Cotta, 10th edition, Stuttgart 2015, ISBN 978-3-608-94840-0
  • Frank Graf: Parentification. The burden of mothering one's own parents as a child. In: Sabine Walper, Reinhard Pekrun: Family and Development. Current Perspectives in Family Psychology. Hogrefe 2001, ISBN 978-3-801-71420-8
  • Karl Haag: When mothers love too much. Entanglement and Abuse in the Mother-Son Relationship. Kohlhammer 2006, ISBN 978-3-170-19029-0
  • Salvador Minuchin (1974): Family and Family Therapy . Freiburg (Lambertus), 1977

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ See: Entry: Parentification. In: Fritz B. Simon , Ulrich Clement , Helm Stierlin : The language of family therapy. A vocabulary. Critical overview and integration of systems therapy terms, concepts and methods. 6th, revised and expanded edition. Klett-Cotta, Stuttgart 2004, ISBN 3-608-94395-1 , pp. 255–256, here p. 256 ( side view in Google book search)
  2. ↑ See: Entry: Parentification. In: Fritz B. Simon , Ulrich Clement , Helm Stierlin : The language of family therapy. A vocabulary. Critical overview and integration of systems therapy terms, concepts and methods. 6th, revised and expanded edition. Klett-Cotta, Stuttgart 2004, ISBN 3-608-94395-1 , pp. 255–256, here p. 256 ( side view in Google book search)
  3. ↑ Cf. Iván Böszörményi-Nagy: Invisible ties. The dynamics of family systems. Stuttgart 1981 (German first edition 1973).
  4. ↑ Cf. Agnieszka Aleksandra Hausser: The Parentification of Children in Mentally Ill and Mentally Healthy Parents and the Mental Health of Parentified Children (PDF; 2.4 MB), pp. 18-23, dissertation, Hamburg 2012.
  5. ↑ See: Entry: Parentification. In: Fritz B. Simon , Ulrich Clement , Helm Stierlin : The language of family therapy. A vocabulary. Critical overview and integration of systems therapy terms, concepts and methods. 6th, revised and expanded edition. Klett-Cotta, Stuttgart 2004, ISBN 3-608-94395-1 , pp. 255-256
  6. ↑ Cf. Agnieszka Aleksandra Hausser: The Parentification of Children in Mentally Ill and Mentally Healthy Parents and the Mental Health of Parentified Children (PDF; 2.4 MB), p. 21, dissertation, Hamburg 2012.
  7. ↑ Maarten Kouwenhoven, Rolf R. Kiltz, Ulrich Elbing: Serious personality disorders. Transactional analysis based on the Cathexis approach. Vienna 2002, p. 60.
  8. ↑ Maarten Kouwenhoven, Rolf R. Kiltz, Ulrich Elbing: Serious personality disorders. Transactional analysis based on the Cathexis approach. Vienna 2002, p. 60.
  9. ^ Fritz B. Simon, Ulrich Clement, Helm Stierlin: The language of family therapy. A vocabulary. Critical overview and integration of systems therapy terms, concepts and methods. Stuttgart 2004. p. 255: “Most family therapy authors see the preservation of the family hierarchy as an important prerequisite for the functioning of a family (see also healthy / functional families). It implies that the parental and child subsystems clearly delimit each other. This is not the case in families whose children are parented. "
  10. ↑ Cf. K. von Sydow: Systemic psychotherapy with families, couples and individuals. In: Psychotherapy: A textbook for doctors and psychologists. Berlin and Heidelberg 2000, p. 303.
  11. ^ Regina Rettenbach, Claudia Christ: The Psychhotherapy Examination. Stuttgart 2014, p. 116.
  12. ↑ Cf. P. Joraschky: The system and structure diagnosis. In: Handbook of Family Diagnostics. (Ed. Manfred Cierpka) Berlin and Heidelberg 1996, p. 331: “Parents who parentify their children have mostly been parentified themselves. Parents, whose own child needs could not be met in their family of origin, bring them to their children. [...] Parentification of children can ultimately be seen as an attempt by parents to revive their own infantile relationship patterns to their parents in an idealized modification in their current relationships with their children. "
  13. ↑ Bert Hellinger: Family constellations from the beginning until now , "Dear me than you".
  14. ↑ See Franz Stimmer (Ed.): Suchtlexikon , Munich 2000, p. 242.
  15. ↑ Gisela Crusius, Jutta Salomon: Home care between care and demarcation. How do family carers solve their problems? Cologne 2009, p. 36 f.
  16. ↑ Albert Lenz: Interventions in children of mentally ill parents: Basics, diagnostics and therapeutic measures. Göttingen 2008, p. 31: “The long-term consequences of parentification range from depression, fragile self-esteem, detachment and identity problems to suicidal behavior [...] Fullinwider-Bush and Jacobvitz (1993) point out that border violations in the family of origin endanger the development of an autonomous ego identity. "
  17. ↑ Cf. Manfred Clemenz: Psychoanalytic (group-analytical) group self-awareness in groups with homogeneous occupations. In: Psychoanalysis in further education. For the professionalization of social work. Opladen 1992, p. 18.
  18. ↑ Cf. Bert Hellinger: “Many helpers, for example in psychotherapy and social work, think that they should help those who seek help from them like parents help their young children. Conversely, many who are looking for help expect these helpers to turn to them like parents to their children, in order to receive from them what they still expect and demand from their parents. What happens when helpers meet these expectations? You get involved in a long relationship. Where does this relationship lead? The helpers are in the same position as the parents, in whose place they have set themselves through this kind of wanting to help. Step by step they have to set limits for those seeking help and disappoint them. These then often develop the same feelings towards the helpers that they previously had towards their parents. In this way, helpers who have taken their parents' place and who might even want to be the better parents become the same for the clients as their parents. However, many helpers remain trapped in the transference and countertransference from child to parent, making it difficult for clients to say goodbye to both their parents and them. "(In: Ordnungs des Helfens , The third order of helping ( Memento of the original from 22. December 2015 in the Internet Archive ) Info: The archive link was automatically inserted and not yet checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. ) @1@ 2Template: Webachiv / IABot / www2.hellinger.com
  19. ^ Peter Osten: Integrative diagnostics in addiction and addiction disorders. In: Integrative Addiction Therapy. Theory, methods, practice, research (Ed. Petzold, Schay, Ebert), Wiesbaden 2007, p. 247: “In the mode of parentification dynamics, the child's own well-being does not come first, but that of the parents or the whole family. The child does not know about the long-term effect of his (too early) "parenting" behavior, he does not know the consequences that will arise for him from this, and he does not know the time horizon of his actions (he cannot think: "I will do that now until I'm 18 and move out, then we'll leave that again ”); it acts out of need. In infantile experience, this initially provides reassurance, a certain satisfaction, sometimes even “pride”, because the children feel happy to be able to do something or at least are happy not to be guilty of doing nothing (behavioral problems Child: "if I make mom happy, everything will be fine"). If this constellation stabilizes dysfunctionally in the adult, it therefore acts inwardly like a "promise" from the child, which is not easy - and only from within - to resolve (like a loyalty conflict). "