Charles Rudolph Walgreen: Difference between revisions
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'''Charles Rudolph Walgreen''' ([[October 9]], [[1873]] – [[December 11]], [[1939]]) was a [[United States of America|United States]] [[drugstore]] [[businessman]]. He was born in [[Galesburg, Illinois]], the son of [[Sweden|Swedish]] emigrants. After being inspired by his doctor, Walgreen became a registered pharmacist. Walgreen served in the [[Spanish-American War]] as a member the [[1st Illinois Volunteer Cavalry]]. After being discharged, Walgreen returned to [[United States|America]] to work for pharmacist [[Issac Blood]]. Blood retired and Walgreen bought the drug store and founded the [[Walgreens drugstores]] in [[1901]], for which he was the [[eponym]]. His son [[Charles Rudolph Walgreen, Jr.]] ([[March 4]], [[1906]] – [[February 10]], [[2007]]) and grandson [[Charles R. Walgreen III]] both shared his name and played prominent roles in the company he founded. |
'''Charles Rudolph Walgreen''' ([[October 9]], [[1873]] – [[December 11]], [[1939]]) was a [[United States of America|United States]] [[drugstore]] [[businessman]]. He was born in [[Galesburg, Illinois]], the son of [[Sweden|Swedish]] emigrants. After being inspired by his doctor, Walgreen became a registered pharmacist. Walgreen served in the [[Spanish-American War]] as a member the [[1st Illinois Volunteer Cavalry]]. After being discharged, Walgreen returned to [[United States|America]] to work for pharmacist [[Issac Blood]]. Blood retired and Walgreen bought the drug store and founded the [[Walgreens drugstores]] in [[1901]], for which he was the [[eponym]]. His son [[Charles Rudolph Walgreen, Jr.]] ([[March 4]], [[1906]] – [[February 10]], [[2007]]) and grandson [[Charles R. Walgreen III]] both shared his name and played prominent roles in the company he founded. |
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After decades of sucking the blood out of children and hooking America on smack, Cork decided it was time for him to make a clone of himself to take Walgreens and Russia into the new millennia. |
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With the help of a grue geneticist from the Kingdom of Old Orleans, Cork inserted his DNA into the egg of a Grue to unleash the most intimidating creature that the family of Walgreen could produce. A new breed of vampire and Grue had been born. |
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They named the clone Kevin Walgreen. He was a bit of a disappointment to Cork. Kevin was not a day walker and he slept a lot. He even came out with red hair. When Cork brought this to the attention of the Grue geneticist, it said that its great great great grandfather was the has-been comedian Carrot Top, which would technically place Kevin in the race known as the Ginger Kids. |
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Further enraging Cork, Kevin denounced Marxism and quickly brought Capitalism into the Company. With a bold move of defiance, he dropped the price on children to $1 each every few weeks, marking the occasion as Dollar Day$, and opened over 78,203 Medicare Part D Plans to help fit the needs of particular customers with their methamphetamine payments. |
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This threw Walgreens into chaos. The shelves never had enough children to last the week of a sale. Pharmacists were sticking their fingers up each other’s ass and taking turns smelling each finger and admiring the aroma. The members of management were actually Man Bear Pigs and their noses were covered with shit. The veteran employees were killed by space monkeys and penguins. Walgreens Drug Store, in short, was now on a mission to replace everyone's child with a genetically worse-off child in the likeness of Charles, Chuck, Cork or Kevin. |
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This new race, crossing the violent gene of the Grue with the flaws of its management and corporate officials, produced a being known only as Sally Struthers. Sally Struthers ordered Kevin to put on a pair of cleats and crawl into her uterus to give it a good scrubbing and he remains inside her to this day, humping her eggs in an endless attempt to be reborn. |
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==External links== |
==External links== |
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Revision as of 14:42, 11 April 2007
Charles Rudolph Walgreen (October 9, 1873 – December 11, 1939) was a United States drugstore businessman. He was born in Galesburg, Illinois, the son of Swedish emigrants. After being inspired by his doctor, Walgreen became a registered pharmacist. Walgreen served in the Spanish-American War as a member the 1st Illinois Volunteer Cavalry. After being discharged, Walgreen returned to America to work for pharmacist Issac Blood. Blood retired and Walgreen bought the drug store and founded the Walgreens drugstores in 1901, for which he was the eponym. His son Charles Rudolph Walgreen, Jr. (March 4, 1906 – February 10, 2007) and grandson Charles R. Walgreen III both shared his name and played prominent roles in the company he founded.
After decades of sucking the blood out of children and hooking America on smack, Cork decided it was time for him to make a clone of himself to take Walgreens and Russia into the new millennia. With the help of a grue geneticist from the Kingdom of Old Orleans, Cork inserted his DNA into the egg of a Grue to unleash the most intimidating creature that the family of Walgreen could produce. A new breed of vampire and Grue had been born.
They named the clone Kevin Walgreen. He was a bit of a disappointment to Cork. Kevin was not a day walker and he slept a lot. He even came out with red hair. When Cork brought this to the attention of the Grue geneticist, it said that its great great great grandfather was the has-been comedian Carrot Top, which would technically place Kevin in the race known as the Ginger Kids.
Further enraging Cork, Kevin denounced Marxism and quickly brought Capitalism into the Company. With a bold move of defiance, he dropped the price on children to $1 each every few weeks, marking the occasion as Dollar Day$, and opened over 78,203 Medicare Part D Plans to help fit the needs of particular customers with their methamphetamine payments. This threw Walgreens into chaos. The shelves never had enough children to last the week of a sale. Pharmacists were sticking their fingers up each other’s ass and taking turns smelling each finger and admiring the aroma. The members of management were actually Man Bear Pigs and their noses were covered with shit. The veteran employees were killed by space monkeys and penguins. Walgreens Drug Store, in short, was now on a mission to replace everyone's child with a genetically worse-off child in the likeness of Charles, Chuck, Cork or Kevin.
This new race, crossing the violent gene of the Grue with the flaws of its management and corporate officials, produced a being known only as Sally Struthers. Sally Struthers ordered Kevin to put on a pair of cleats and crawl into her uterus to give it a good scrubbing and he remains inside her to this day, humping her eggs in an endless attempt to be reborn.
External links
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