Inability to have a relationship

This article deals with the catchphrase and slang use of the word; for mental disorders associated with decreased ability to maintain relationships, see Attachment Disorder and Trauma (Psychology) .

Carl Spitzweg : The Hagestolz

The word relationship inability referred to in the German speaking colloquially a basic problem that suspects the user of the word for people who prefer a partnership wish while and try again eventually, but are not able to maintain permanently. The term is used exclusively in everyday psychology and in psychological counseling literature, targeting people with changing relationships rather than completely inexperienced people. It is characteristic of the colloquial character of the linguistic usage that an exact definition of the content of the presumed incompetence is omitted, but the more speculation is made about the supposed causes.

Modern scientific psychology does not recognize a "inability to relate". Even promiscuity , which has historically been understood as the inability to maintain loving relationships comes in ICD-10 no longer present. The psychiatry knows u. a. Acquired trauma , attachment and personality disorders as well as congenital developmental disorders such as early childhood autism or Asperger's syndrome , which can greatly reduce the prognosis of stable partnerships, but are usually not meant by the term “relationship inability”.

Attempts to explain

In the (non-scientific) advisory literature, “inability to have a relationship” is often equated with “ fear of attachment ” and is attributed to “fear of loss”. H. the fear of being hurt or abandoned by the partner or of having to give up too much autonomy for the sake of the partnership. The authors assume that this is why the partner is either kept at a distance or is constantly changed.

Sociocultural Discourse

In some popular science books, “inability to relate” is described as a mass phenomenon of contemporary individualized society. Some authors attribute the presumed boom of inability to develop relationships to the fact that with the change in gender roles, women in particular show a high willingness to give up a partnership that is no longer satisfactory. Others attribute it to a society that has become narcissistic . Still others argue that the stability of partnerships with the loss of traditions has primarily become a question of individual social competence, which leads to mass “failure”.

As Nina Pauer has pointed out, the term is increasingly being used by men who may stylize themselves as a kind of Byronic Hero :

“'I can't, I am unable to relate', this formula could go down in history as a man's migraine, an excuse made whining to demonstrate the supposed complexity of one's own psyche. Unfortunately, you are just too complicated to expose yourself to a life in partnership. "

- Nina Pauer

Particularly in the 1980s, at the height of the AIDS crisis, homosexual men were also ascribed a profound inability to have relationships. Empirical studies have shown, however, that these men also lived in permanent partnerships much more frequently than was commonly assumed.

literature

• Michael Nast: Generation incapable of relationships . Edel Germany, 2016, ISBN 978-3-8419-0406-5 ( limited preview in Google book search).
• Sandra Qafoku: Intimacy, sexuality, inability to relate: Legitimate elements of comedy in contemporary literature . VDM Verlag Dr. Müller, 2008, ISBN 978-3-8364-7740-6 .

Inability to have a relationship in the novel:

• Adelle Waldman : The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. Henry Holt and Co., 2013, ISBN 978-0-8050-9745-0 .

Individual evidence

1. ↑ Christian Müller-Götzmann: Artificial Reproduction and Same-Sex Parenthood: An Examination under Medical Law on the Admissibility of Reproductive Medicine Measures in Same-Sex Partnerships . Springer, Dordrecht, Heidelberg, London, New York 2009, ISBN 978-3-642-01282-2 , pp. 58 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
2. ↑ Nicole Maibaum: Dearest Beloved: Happy without a wedding ring . dotbooks, Munich 2015, ISBN 978-3-95824-083-4 , p. 24 ( limited preview in Google Book search). Ulrich Fischer, Daniel Wiechmann: The male check: How to correctly assess every man and find a partner for life . mvg Verlag, Munich 2016, ISBN 978-3-86882-646-3 , p. 60 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
3. ↑ Author Michael Nast. Where does the enthusiasm for this man come from? In: Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung. March 23, 2016, accessed June 4, 2016 . 
4. ↑ Nicole Maibaum: Dearest Beloved: Happy without a wedding ring . dotbooks, Munich 2015, ISBN 978-3-95824-083-4 , p. 24 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
5. ↑ Gerhard Brandl: Instead of closed doors: a psychosocial relaxation training . Books on Demand, Norderstedt 2001, ISBN 3-8311-1526-5 , pp. 51 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
6. ↑ Bernd Kambeck: We're fine ?! But Greece is everywhere! Debt, selfishness, decadence ... Democracy and society at a crossroads? Edition Octopus, Münster 2013, ISBN 978-3-86991-968-3 , p. 122 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
7. ↑ Michael Nast. Too much sex? In: The time. March 3, 2016, accessed April 6, 2016 . 
8. ↑ Martin Dannecker: Sexological report on homosexuality . In: Jürgen Basedow, Klaus J. Hopt, Hein Kötz, Peter Dopffel (eds.): The legal status of same-sex partnerships . Mohr Siebeck, Tübingen 2000, ISBN 3-16-147318-3 , p. 343 ( limited preview in Google Book search).