Regretting motherhood

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Regretting motherhood (to German : regret motherhood ) is the title of a 2015 study published in the Israeli sociologist Orna Donath . The author uses this term to refer to mothers who persistently regret becoming mothers and experience the role of mother negatively.

Results of the study

Donath interviewed women in Israel from very different social classes and religious backgrounds, most of them married, some divorced. For her study, the sociologist only selected women who answered the following question with a clear no: "If you could turn back time with your current knowledge and experience, would you be a mother again?"

All of the women surveyed say they share a strong feeling of being trapped in their role as mother. The women said they loved their children but hated being mothers at the same time. Some of the women said that they had already regretted motherhood during pregnancy, so they did not attribute the feeling of repentance to the development of the child's personality.

The study in the context of scientific research

Other studies confirm that a lack of happiness after childbirth is not uncommon: 10 to 20 percent of all women who have recently given birth suffer from postpartum mood crises , some of them even from depression . These dissatisfactions, however, are usually not as lasting as the feelings of remorse that Donath reports.

W. Keith Campbell and Jean Twenge discovered the following development as early as 2003 when evaluating 97 studies on the subject of parenting: Those who have children are on average more unhappy than childless in the first few years. In elementary school there is a short high that falls again towards puberty. Only when the children are out of the house are parents happier than their peers without offspring.

Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research also made this observation in a study that was based on data from 200,000 adults from 86 countries. From the age of 40, children therefore mean more happiness in life. The more children someone has, the greater the feeling of happiness, but only when they no longer have small children. An average higher "level of happiness" than in the case of lifelong childless children was not found in parents of four or more children, not even at an advanced age. A study, for which the same authors questioned more than 2000 German participants, came to the following results: After the birth of the first child, 70% of the parents experienced a decrease in their quality of life, in more than a third of the parents the fell on a scale of 0 (completely dissatisfied) to 10 (completely satisfied) the determined value by 2 or more points, stronger than that determined on average for strokes of fate such as the death of the partner.

Public reception of the study

Donath's study “Regretting Motherhood” received a lot of attention, especially in Germany, and sparked a lively debate, especially under the Twitter channel name “#regrettingmotherhood”. A role expectation is directed towards women in society. Women who regret motherhood are perceived as cold-hearted.

The author Charlotte Roche expressly describes her novel Mädchen für alles as a processing of the study "Regretting Motherhood".

The tectum publisher advertises the published in the fall of 2015 non-fiction book "Mothers terror. Anxiety, envy and aggression among mothers ”by Christina Mundlos with the words: On the background of“ Regretting Motherhood ”:“ The author on the fatal choice between bad mother and super-mother: No more bad conscience! ”( EMMA ) .

literature

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ^ W. Keith Campbell / Jean Twenge: Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review . Journal of Marriage and Family . Vol. 65 (August 2003) pp. 574-583
  2. ↑ Mikko Myrskylä: Parenthood: Long-term investment in happiness . Press release from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research. March 7, 2011; Original publication : R. Margolis and M. Myrskylä, A global perspective on happiness and fertility , in: Population and Development Review , vol. 37.2011, pp. 29–56 ( abstract)
  3. ^ Thilo Neumann, After the first child, many parents have enough , FAZ online, August 13, 2015; If the first child is unhappy, there are less siblings , Der Standard online, August 5, 2015; Susanne Baller, Parenting makes you more unhappy than the death of your partner , stern.de, August 14, 2015; Original publication: R. Margolis and M. Myrskylä, Parental well-being surrounding first birth as a determinant of further parity progression , in: Demography , vol. 52.2015, pp. 1147–1166 ( abstract )
  4. ↑ Debate about #Regrettingmotherhood "Looking back, I would have done without children" - Is a mother allowed to say something like that? . focus.de . May 6, 2015
  5. ↑ Violetta Hagen: Trapped in the role of mother . Stuttgart newspaper . April 23, 2015
  6. ^ "Girls for Everything" by Charlotte Roche - New novel with a new taboo topic . Stern.de . 5th October 2015
  7. ^ Tectum Verlag: Tectum Sachbuch Herbst 2015