List of South Park Elementary staff

This page is a list of staff at South Park Elementary from the characters on the animated television show, South Park.

Staff

Mr. Adler

Mr. Richard Adler is the shop teacher at South Park Elementary. His most notable character trait is a recurring memory/dream of his fiancée (played in a live action sequence by 'South Park' writer Pam Brady), which culminates in a vision of her death. During "Tweek vs. Craig", he is plagued by memories of his fiancée's death, and plans to commit suicide. After writing his suicide note, he lies on a log cutter with a moving belt, but is interrupted by a fight between Tweek and Craig entering his classroom, killing Kenny in the process. Now it seems he has relaxed a bit and put his past behind him, and has not featured prominently in an episode since "Tweek vs. Craig", although he has appeared in the background of many scenes and was one of the teachers supporting the move to teach sex education to the younger students in "Proper Condom Use", and also spoke his views on 9/11 in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce". His teaching method consists primarily of telling the children "don't screw around." Mr. Adler was based on an old shop teacher who taught co-creator Matt Stone. His name was referenced in DVD commentary, but was bleeped because the person did not authorize permission to use their name. His speech is often warped by the flapping of his very flabby cheeks.

Mr. Mackey

Mr. Mackey, voiced by Trey Parker, is the school counselor, well-known for his exaggeratedly large head and inserting "m'kay" into sentences or "m'bien" when speaking in Spanish. It is assumed he is at least 40 years old (he once said he had sex at 19 and that it's been 21 years since). He is based on Trey Parker's junior high school counselor, Mr. Lackey. He has occasionally taught classes at the school, and taught sex education with Ms. Choksondik. During this time he had a sexual relationship with Ms. Choksondik until her death. His semen was found in her mouth upon autopsy but this didn't contribute to her death. After her death, he took over the fourth grade class until Mr. Garrison returned.

During a drug-education class, he passes some marijuana around the classroom, and it is stolen (apparently by one of the children, though it is later revealed that the actual thief was Mr. Garrison). For this, Mr. Mackey is fired by the school, evicted by his landlord, and, feeling depressed, he ends up taking alcohol, marijuana and LSD. It is also revealed that his large head is caused by the tightness of his tie around his neck, although his parents have the same trait. He becomes a hippie and travels to India with a like-minded woman. Mr Mackey is captured by The A-Team, and his former employers, along with Jimbo, say that they should have helped him with his drug problem rather than firing him. Mr. Mackey protests, saying that he likes his new life and that he actually hasn't done drugs since his first experimentations back in South Park. Nobody listens and in rehab at the Betty Ford Clinic, he is "cured" of his addiction to drugs. Mr. Mackey's social worker then re-ties his tie, which makes his head swell back to its original size. In the episode "Something You Can Do with Your Finger" he is shown to have a bondage scene with Liane Cartman. In Rainforest Schmainforest we learn that he can speak Spanish extremely well.

Nurse Gollum

Nurse Gollum is the school nurse at South Park Elementary, notable primarily for the fact that she has a dead fetus attached to the side of her head, which terrifies the children. Nurse Gollum is described in her first appearance on the show as suffering from the (fictional) condition "conjoined twin myslexia". Sheila Broflovski asked her if she could have it removed, Nurse Gollum stated yes but that it would cost her life.

In Nurse Gollum's first appearance, "Conjoined Fetus Lady", Kyle was sent to see the nurse concerning an injury he received while playing dodgeball. He was reluctant to see her after hearing rumours that she was hideously deformed. When he saw her condition he told the other children, who were all terrified. Local busybody and protestor Sheila was angered that her son was rude about her condition. So Sheila and Mayor McDaniels held a special week for Conjoined Twin Myslexia awareness. By the end of the week, Nurse Gollum was angered, saying that she just wanted to live her life normally, and that she had been singled out in this week which was entirely what she didn't want. Sheila felt Nurse was ungrateful, while the children changed their negative opinions upon hearing the speech.

Nurse Gollum shares her last name with the deformed creature from J. R. R. Tolkien's books. However, all the townspeople pronounce her name like the character from Jewish lore.

Principal Victoria

Principal Victoria is the principal of South Park Elementary. She has blonde hair and glasses and is usually shown with Mr. Mackey. In "Helen Keller! The Musical", she reveals that she does recreational drugs. In the episode "Sexual Harassment Panda", when she had to make a speech in court, she stated that she had killed someone. The court appearance was completely unrelated to her killing anyone, however; she said, "I hit him over the head and buried him!" and then broke into tears. Principal Victoria is a parody of Victoria Principal. In addition, she speaks with a heavy Minnesotan accent.

Ms. Janet Garrison

This has been the children's teacher throughout the series. However, she was originally a man called Herbert Garrison, and was in denial of his homosexuality to the point of homophobia, and was always seen with either of his handpuppets that he claimed were gay. Later he went missing, hiding on a mountain, living in isolation. He eventually "came out of the closet" and started to teach Kindergarten. However, before coming back to South Park Elementary as the current 4th grade teacher, he was denied the job (in the episode entitled "4th Grade") by Principal Victoria saying, "Oh, we don't hire gay people." He was eventually allowed back as the Kindergarten teacher. Then a change in laws allowed Mr. Garrison to be promoted to teach the 4th grade, receiving his old 3rd grade students who have now advanced a grade. His lover, Mr. Slave, was his personal teachers assistant, or, as he writes for short, the teacher's ass.

In season nine, he had a sex change operation, therewith avoiding self-resentment for being gay (but also losing Mr. Slave), only to come out again as being a lesbian in season eleven, once again dating women.

Mr. Slave

Mr. Slave, voiced by John 'Nancy' Hansen was the homosexual lover of Mr. Garrison, and his teaching aid before Garrison later had sex reassignment surgery. Mr. Slave's catchphrase is "Ooh, Jesus Christ!" or "Oh Jesus, Jesus Christ!" delivered in a quavering lisp. He first appeared in "The Death Camp of Tolerance", in which Mr. Garrison, the elementary school teacher of the main characters, learns that he can sue the education board for a lot of money if he is fired for being gay, and does his best to ensure this happens. To this end he hires Mr. Slave as his classroom assistant, or, for short, "teacher's ass". The lessons become increasingly sexual, and degenerate in nature, culminating in Mr. Garrison inserting the class gerbil Lemmiwinks into Mr. Slave's anus.

Despite Mr. Slave's occupation, he is shown to be wise and knowledgeble, offering characters advice when in certain situations. His most prominent moment was in "Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset", when he gave Wendy Testaburger advice when she wanted to become a whore after seeing that many of her friends had become part of the new trend. Mr. Slave pushed Wendy to not follow the lifestyle due to his own personal experiences, and subsequently competed in a 'Stupid Spoiled Whore-Off' with Paris Hilton, culminating in her being forced up Mr. Slave's anus. However, having finished this, Mr. Slave rejected the applause, saying he was not proud to be a whore, but was "physically incapable" of hiding who he is. He claims to have been a whore since the day he was born, pretending as a small child to be sick so that his mother would insert an anal thermometer. As a teen he enjoyed being tackled by all the football players after drawing their attention to 'the queer kid'. He also tells parents that they had to teach their children that people like Paris Hilton should not be idolized as they have contributed nothing to society. This leads the girls to apologize to Wendy.

In the episode "Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina", Mr. Garrison has a sex change operation and becomes a woman. Mr. Slave is upset that he was not consulted on the operation beforehand, commenting that Mr. Garrison never stopped to think how everybody else around him would feel about the sex change, and, being gay, is no longer attracted to Mr. Garrison as a woman. When Garrison (now referred to as Ms. Garrison) callously suggests that Mr. Slave simply stop being gay so that they can continue their affair, the two get into an argument, resulting in Mr. Slave walking out. In the episode "Follow That Egg!", Garrison decides that she wants him back, but learns that she is too late, as Mr. Slave had moved on with Big Gay Al — to whom he is now engaged. Jilted, Ms. Garrison attempted to get gay marriage banned. Subsequently, Slave and Al join a civil partnership together.

Mrs. Pearl

Pearl is the name of the Home Economics teacher. She speaks with a soft, gentle voice and does her job well. However she adds to the curriculum by teaching her class ways to find, manipulate and marry rich men. She is good with chat up lines (as seen in "Tweek vs. Craig"). She also dates Richard Adler, and mentioned she wanted to sleep with him. He refused because he was still mourning the death of his fiancee.

Mrs. Dreibel

Mrs. Dreibel appeared in "Toilet Paper". She is the art teacher and gave Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny detention for making a penis-shape out of clay. They decided to get revenge by TPing her house. She has two daughters.

Mr. Venezuela

Mr. Venezuela is the janitor. He appeared in "Mystery of the Urinal Deuce" and is a stereotypical poor South American immigrant. He has three kids. He makes 6 dollars an hour, at best.

Past staff

Chef (Died:2006 Age:Early 40s)

(partially deceased)

Jerome 'Chef' McElroy was one of very few black characters in 'South Park', and the chef at the South Park Elementary School. In the initial season, his gimmick line, as the four boys come into the cafeteria was "Hello there children!" They would respond with "Hey Chef." A stereotypical character, Chef is obsessed with sex (especially with white women). In "Chef Aid", it's revealed that he committed bestiality with a goat. He is a talented singer, and has a tendency to sing wildly inappropriate songs when his muse strikes him. The children often seek him out when in need of guidance or information. He was voiced by Isaac Hayes. He refers to Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny as 'children' even if there is only one of them present. He once almost married a succubus, but the boys saved him. His parents live in Scotland, and his mother has a tendency to offer any soul that has a problem "tree-fiddy" or $3.50, mainly to the Loch Ness Monster.

He has not been seen since "Return of Chef" because of the departure of his voice actor. In this episode, he is "killed," but is then seen being remade with a body similar to that of Darth Vader.

Ms. Choksondik (Died:2002 Age:Unknown)

(deceased)

Ms. Diane Choksondik, voiced by Trey Parker, became the boys’ new teacher after they entered fourth grade. Her surname is a play on the phrase “chokes on dick.” Ms. Choksondik was famous for her distinctive appearance: she had extremely exaggerated saggy breasts, was overweight, and had a drifting lazy eye. She also did not wear a bra, and when she lifted her arm up, her shirt had a habit of going up with it and revealing the bottom few inches of her breasts. One of the early jokes about Ms. Choksondik is that the children did not get the pun of her name, and tried to create other names for her (makesmesick, chokesonbricks). However, she corrected them in full seriousness.

The episode “Professor Chaos” ended on a cliffhanger saying someone would die, in a parody of cliffhanger endings, and it was revealed during this gag that Ms. Choksondik had died. In the episode “Simpsons Already Did It,” the boys revealed they put some of their Sea People in her coffee. When she died soon after, they became horrified that their prank had killed her. Later, the news said that large amounts of semen had been found in her stomach, and they went to great lengths to hide their apparent role in her death, until Chef explained that Ms. Choksondik must have died from something else. The fact that she died with Mr. Mackey’s semen in her stomach implies that she actually “choked on dick,” though the semen was said not to be related to her death. After her death the boys got off from school for two weeks to “deal with” her death, and then were taught for a short time by Mr. Mackey before Mr. Garrison got the role.

Ms. Crabtree (Died:2004 Age:Unknown)

(deceased)

Ms. Veronica Lee Crabtree, known in the series as Mrs. Crabtree, was voiced by Mary Kay Bergman in seasons 1-3 and Eliza Schneider in seasons 4-8, when she was officially "killed off" in "Cartman's Incredible Gift." She was the school bus driver. She appeared to be suffering from paranoia, or at least was mentally unstable. She had a bird living in her hair and constantly screamed, "Sit down 'n shut up!", screeched, "Be quiet back there!", or asked the children on her bus (particularly Stan), "What did you say?!" whenever they cursed. They would say something else that sounds similar in order to avoid trouble, but Stan once just repeated what he said to her, and she responded with, "Oh, okay." She had a similarity with the school bus driver in the movie Forrest Gump, who was also a lady with a bird in her hair.

In one episode, a kid from the drug rehabilitation center (across from Cartman's fat camp) is forced to climb into Ms. Crabtree's body vaginally while pretending to be Kenny (who was arrested for prostitution), but was rebirthed stillborn.

Ms. Crabtree - as well as the bird nesting on her head - was murdered by a serial killer in the 2004 episode "Cartman's Incredible Gift". Detectives investigating the crime in the episodes noted she was a "an ancillary character the fans wouldn't miss much". She has not returned to any subsequent episodes.

Ms. Claridge (Died:Unknown Age)

(partially deceased)

Ms. Claridge was a South Park Elementary pre-school teacher. Her first appearance was in "Pre-School." Ms. Claridge was disabled and covered in burns after a fire broke out in the pre-school classroom at South Park Elementary. The fire was started when Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny wanted to play "fireman" and asked the "baddest kid in pre-school," Trent Boyett, to start a fire for them. In spite of the boys' efforts to extinguish the fire (by urinating on it), the fire grew out of control and nearly killed Ms. Claridge. Ms. Claridge survived, but was badly injured and placed on a modern chair which very much resembles that of Captain Christopher Pike in the original Star Trek episode "The Menagerie". She cannot speak, and can only communicate by activating the lights and beeps on her wheelchair. If it lights/beeps once it means "yes" and twice means "no." It is not clear how she can function as a teacher if she can only communicate "yes" and "no."

The boys denied all culpability for the fire and Trent Boyett was sent to Juvenile Hall for five years. One day, Ms. Claridge's wheelchair ran out of power in the middle of the road where the boys found her. Seeking to escape Trent Boyett who has been released from Juvenile Hall, they appeal to Stan's older sister Shelley for protection. Shelley agrees, but only if the boys confess to Ms. Claridge their role in the fire. As the boys start to confess to her, Trent Boyett arrives and confronts the boys. Cartman tries to stop him with his mother's taser gun but it accidentally shoots Ms. Claridge. It powers her wheelchair which spins out of control and crashes into a propane shop which blows up and sets her on fire. After crashing into a pet shop and getting attacked by cats, she hits a fire hydrant putting the flames out. The police arrive and ask if Trent started the fire. She replies "no" with two beeps but the police mistake it for "yes yes" and arrest Trent. Ms. Claridge appears briefly in one other episode, "The Death of Eric Cartman", where Cartman, in his efforts to atone for his life's misdeeds, gives her a fruit basket.

Ms. Stephenson (Died:2006 Age:Between 28 & 41)

(deceased)

Ms. Stephenson appeared only once in Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy in which she many times had oral sex with Ike Broflovski. She has appeared as the Kindergarten teacher for South Park Elementary in that one episode only. She has blonde hair, wears a grey sweater, pink shirt and blue short skirt. She fell in love with Ike when he drew a picture of Ms. Stephenson with hearts around it. After that it shows small romantic clips where she had dinner with Ike and eventually gave him oral sex. After everyone found out that they were having a relationship, they ran away to an airport hotel where they planned to fly to Milan. Unfortunately when they had her and Ike cornered she and Ike ran to the edge of the roof of the hotel, there Ike changed his mind and stopped, while Ms. Stephenson leaped to her death.

Mr. Wyland

Mr. Wyland was a substitute teacher for Mr. Garrison in two episodes as the 3rd grade teacher after Mr. Garrison was caught attempting to molest a child (Cartman) in "Cartman Joins NAMBLA". Wyland wears a blue top with a red bow tie. He was first shown in "Cherokee Hair Tampons" and made the class make a get well card for Kyle, who needed a kidney transplant. As a joke, the children make Butters into a get well card by gluing glitter and a sign that says "Get Well Kyle" on him and making him sing a song for Kyle.

Mr. Derp

Mr. Derp appears only twice in the series, during season 3 as Chef's substitute in "The Succubus". He commonly displays slapstick and physical camp humor, much to the chagrin of the boys. In the season three commentary, Matt and Trey reveal that his namesake, "Derp", is the sound commonly made in a klutzy situation when things go horribly wrong, literally and comically. He also appeared in the background in "Timmy 2000", as he works in a concession stand.

References