Praise the open relationship (book)

from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Praise the open relationship. About love, sex, reason and happiness is a book by Oliver Schott . The first edition was published in 2010 and an expanded 8th edition in 2015 by Bertz + Fischer Verlag . In the book, the norms of monogamy that are common in Western society , but are mostly unreflected, are put to the test and open relationships are defended with several justifications.

content

Some basic ideas of the book are already explained in the foreword . Entering into a steady love affair usually involves the expressed or (mostly) unspoken agreement of sexual exclusivity. Monogamy is taken for granted, as fixed social norm, although according to the enlightened , liberal , each self-image of our society supposedly man his private life according to his individual can make preferences. Open relationships, on the other hand, are usually viewed as non-binding and inconsistent. The author explains that they can be as permanent and solid as closed, monogamous relationships, often referred to as "solid" relationships. He explains that the norms and prejudices of the culture in which a person grew up influence his thoughts and feelings unnoticed .

In the main part of the book, which the author himself refers to as a "polemical", the unprecedented freedoms in relation to the life of a relationship that exist de jure and socio-economically in Western society today are first pointed out . In contrast to this, however, the norms in practice are usually much more rigid. The Enlightenment (the idea of ​​the autonomy of the individual to be able to freely and consciously shape his or her life), the introduction of love marriage and the sexual revolution are historically significant for the topic . While marriages were arranged according to socio-economic criteria before the bourgeois age , they were then concluded more and more out of love and the free choice of lovers. However, a voluntary marriage must also be able to be dissolved again voluntarily. The institution of marriage thus becomes a paradox , since it is entered into for the sake of stability, but is no more stable than the declaration of intent by the spouses.

If norms change over time and depending on social conditions , then conventional forms of relationship no longer have to be taken for granted and tendencies other than great eternal love are justified. In an area as important as our relationship life, it is important for everyone not to simply go with the flow without thinking.

Arguments for Open Relationships

Open relationships are defended in the book with the following arguments:

  • Millions of monogamous relationships have failed. The reason for this is usually not seen in the restrictions of this form of relationship, but in the lack of relationship skills of those involved or in the fact that they have not yet found the right person. If, on the other hand, an open relationship fails, the type of relationship is blamed.
  • What is immoral about voluntary, consensual sex between adults since there are ways to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancy and venereal diseases ?
  • Faithfulness means from the origin of the word that you stand by someone over a longer period of time, especially in difficult moments. But you can also do that in an open relationship. Loyalty doesn't have to mean sexual exclusivity.
  • There is no cheating in an open relationship because this term no longer has any meaning. Sex with third parties is no more cheating than talking to or eating with third parties in a monogamous relationship.
  • Since marriages are no longer concluded for life, the norm of sexual exclusivity has been abolished anyway. However, it continues to exist in the model of “serial monogamy”. But if several sexual partners are allowed one after the other, why not also at the same time?
  • One argument against concurrent polygamy is the limited amount of time and attention we have. But that's why you compete with platonic friends, hobbies, work, etc.
  • The objection that you cannot share love and that you have to make a decision can be refuted by pointing out that we can love both parents and several children without having to choose between them.
  • The transmission of sexually transmitted diseases is easier to avoid in an open relationship than in secret cheating, as it can be talked about openly.

The problem of jealousy

A major problem in all relationships is jealousy . This is a complex mix of different feelings . Fear of loss usually plays a significant role . However, this can also occur in monogamous relationships due to dwindling interest or work-related frequent absence of the partner and is then entirely justified. A love affair with a third person will usually also cause fear of loss, but in an open relationship it is actually not a threat. The person concerned can perceive this as an opportunity to deal with early childhood experiences of loss .

reception

The book was reviewed online for a limited period in 2010. It says: “The best book on the subject [ polyamory ] , at the most a little quick, was written by the philosopher and Jungle World author Oliver Schott with praise for open relationships.” The objection to open relationships that they don't work anyway , is countered as follows: "As if something would work in the model of the romantic love relationship." There are several reviews on the Internet. It says u. a .: "With impressive stringency, Oliver Schott dismantles the widespread notion that exclusivity in relation to love relationships between two is a normal, natural, somehow meaningful agreement." .

Iris Dankemeyer has published a very critical online article on alternative forms of relationships and also on Schott's book under the title Fuck polyamory . It says u. a .: “In Oliver Schott's… 'Praise of the Open Relationship', the polyversion is celebrated as an optimization of human social behavior” and “Whoever no longer wants to think 'mono-normative', just has to take the 'party of freedom' - as if one could take his own Invent psychology yourself. ”Oliver Schott has published a reply to this. Barbara Eder's book was very critically reviewed in the Austrian magazine Kulturrisse . She writes u. a .: “His statements apparently only need to be cushioned to a limited extent by existing literature on life and experience in multiple relationships. Instead, the author soars as the inventor of a relationship model that has been described as unconventional several times in the course of the book. "

translation

The book was also published in English by the same publisher in 2014, with the title In Praise of Open Relationships. On Love, Sex, Reason, and Happiness .

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ Tina Klopp: Non-fiction books: Who do I love and if so, how many? In: Zeit Online. October 1, 2010, accessed March 17, 2018 .
  2. ↑ http://antjeschrupp.com/2010/09/11/scheinlosung-monogamie//
  3. ↑ http://www.seitensprung-fibel.de/buecher/lob-der-offenen- relation.php# langbeschreibung
  4. ↑ https://konkret-magazin.de/hefte/heftarchiv/jahrgang-2010/heft-82010/articles/fuck-polyamory.html
  5. ↑ http://www.bertz-fischer.de/lobderoffenenhaben/pdf/lobderoffenenhaben_replik.pdf
  6. ↑ https://igkultur.at/artikel/alle-guten-dinge-sind-drei-vier-viele-polyamory-als-lebens-und-liebeskonzept