Narcissistic parent

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A narcissistic parent is a parent who has narcissism or a narcissistic personality disorder. Typically, narcissistic parents create a possessive closeness with the child and are particularly jealous or threatened by the child's developing independence. This relationship, in which the child is primarily supposed to fulfill parental wants and needs, is known as the narcissistic bond . Narcissistic parents often disregard personal boundaries and use emotional violence to manipulate the child into conforming to parental expectations.

According to developmental psychology , this style of upbringing leads to deficits in the areas of logical thinking and emotional, ethical and social development. Depending on the severity of mental impairment of the parent and the resilience factors of the child, it can during growth also has a narcissistic personality or codependency develop.

Characteristics of Narcissistic Parents

The term narcissism refers to behaviors such as self-enhancement, perfectionism, interpersonal conflicts, the fear of mistakes and inadequacies, the fear of losing attention from others, a dependence on defense mechanisms , and a vulnerable self-confidence. Narcissistic people have low self-worth . Fearing that other people might blame or devalue them if their own inadequacy is revealed, they feel compelled to control how others think of them. They are self-centered, overestimating each other , some to the point of hubris , and are preoccupied with protecting their own self-image . They are mostly inflexible and lack the necessary empathy for bringing up children .

The consequences of narcissism are often intergenerational, with narcissistic parents producing either narcissistic or co-dependent children. While confident parents encourage their children's independence development, narcissistic parents use their children to promote their own prestige. A father, for example, who cares for his own self-exaltation with his son and is concerned about being mirrored and admired by him , accepts that he feels like a puppet of the father's emotional and intellectual demands.

In order to protect their self-esteem and her vulnerable true self control narcissistic parents the behavior of others, especially that of their own children, who are perceived as an extension of her own self. Therefore, they ask their children to preserve the image of the family, to make mother or father proud and to blame them for their weaknesses, negative feelings or for not acting as expected. Children of narcissists learn to play their roles and display their skills in public, but typically do not have many memories of being loved or cherished by parents for themselves; rather, they associate love and appreciation with conforming to parental expectations.

Destructive narcissistic parents have a habit of always wanting to be the center of attention, exaggerating, expecting compliments, and belittling the child's needs, wants, feelings, and views. They use punishments such as reproach, criticism , emotional blackmail, or inducing feelings of guilt to get their children back into compliance with their desires and urges for narcissistic confirmation .

Children of narcissistic parents

Children of narcissistic parents are exposed to a high level of chronic stress , which they cope with differently depending on their temperament and the resources available .

Some children contradict and dislike the other family members. You observe how the narcissistic parent gets what they want through manipulation and accusation. They develop a false self and use aggression and intimidation to assert themselves against others. Many of the typical conflicts arise from a lack of adequate, responsible parenting, which creates in the child a feeling of emptiness, insecurity in loving relationships, imaginary fears, mistrust and identity conflicts, and an inability to develop an identity independent of the parent.

Sensitive children, on the other hand, learn to meet the expectations of their parents and others and try to achieve their love by adapting, ignoring, denying or even suppressing their actual feelings . Feelings of guilt and shame prevent further development and can lead to developmental disorders. Aggressive impulses and anger are suppressed and excluded in further development. Emerging self-hatred leads to denial of the true self. These children also develop a false self and can in their relations dependent co- be.

Children of narcissistic parents are more likely to become victims or perpetrators later in life , have poor or exaggerated body image, have a tendency towards excessive drug or alcohol use and body modification , and are more likely to seek attention.

Cultural references

  • In the novel Sons and Lovers by DH Lawrence is about a narcissistic mother.
  • In Franz Kafka's The Metamorphosis , the main character Gregor Samsa has a narcissistic father.
  • American writer Sylvia Plath's troubles have been linked to her attempts to please her narcissistic father.
  • The novel Loverboy by the American author Victoria Redel tells from the perspective of a mother who exhibits extreme characteristics of a narcissistic parenting style.

See also

literature

  • F. Gardner: 'To Enliven Her Was My Living': Thoughts On Compliance And Sacrifice As Consequences Of Malignant Identification With A Narcissistic Parent , in: British Journal of Psychotherapy , 21, 1, 2006, pp. 49-62. doi : 10.1111 / j.1752-0118.2004.tb00186.x
  • Nina W. Brown: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents , 2008.
  • Lady Colin Campbell : Daughter of Narcissus: A Family's Struggle to Survive Their Mother's Narcissistic Personality Disorder , 2009.
  • S. Donaldson-Pressman and RM Pressman: The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment , 1997.
  • Elan Golomb: Trapped in the Mirror Adult Children of Narcissists in their Struggle for Self , 1995.
  • Sandy Hotchkiss and James F. Masterson: The Narcissistic Parent (Chapter 9), in: Why Is It Always About You? The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism , 2003.
  • Little A: No Contact - The Final Boundary: Surviving Parental Narcissistic Abuse , 2016.
  • Karyl McBride: Will I Ever Be Good Enough ?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers , 2009.
  • Alice Miller : The Drama of the Gifted Child. How Narcissistic Parents Form and Deform the Emotional Lives of their Talented Children , Basic Books, 1981.
  • Eleanor Payson: Chapter 5, in: The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family , 2002.
  • Drew Pinsky: Chapter 8, in: The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America , 2009.
  • Jean M. Twenge and W. Keith Campbell: Chapter 5, in: The Narcissism Edidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement , 2009.

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ Stephen E. Levich: Clone Being , 2004, pp. 31, 89-91.
  2. ^ David Stafford and Liz Hodgkinson : Codependency , London 1995, p. 41.
  3. ↑ M. Banschick MD: The Narcissistic Father , in: Psychology Today , March 13, 2013. Last accessed November 16, 2017.
  4. ^ Robert Raskin and Terry Howard: A Principal-Components Analysis of the Narcissistic Personality, in: Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 54 (5), 1988, pp. 890-902.
  5. ↑ a b c Alan Rappoport: Co-Narcissism: How We Adapt to Narcissism , in: The Therapist , 2005.
  6. ^ Simon Crompton: All about Me: Loving a Narcissist , London 2007, p. 119.
  7. ^ Salman Akhtar : Good Feeling , London 2009, p. 86.
  8. ^ Heinz Kohut : How Does Analysis Cure? , London 1984, p. 183.
  9. ↑ Joseph Glenmullen: Prozac Backlash , New York, 2000, p 278, 266th
  10. ↑ R. Boyd: How Early Childhood Oedipal Narcissistic Development Affects Later Adult Intimacy and Relationships ( Memento of the original from December 9, 2011 in the Internet Archive ) Info: The archive link has been inserted automatically and has not yet been checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. , 2011. @1@ 2Template: Webachiv / IABot / www.energeticsinstitute.com.au
  11. ^ Simon Crompton: All about Me: Loving a Narcissist , London 2007, p. 120.
  12. ↑ a b Lynne namka: Selfishness and narcissism in Family Relationships .
  13. ↑ K. McBride: The Empty Mirror. Will I Ever Be Good Enough ?: Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers , 2008, p. 18.
  14. ^ Drew Pinsky, SM Young and Jill Stern: The Mirror Effect: How Celebrity Narcissism Is Seducing America , New York: Harper, 2009.
  15. ↑ a b R. Feinberg: Narcissus in Treatment , 2013, pp. 7–8.
  16. ^ S. Kavaler-Adler: The Klein-Winnicott Dialectic , 2013, p. 211.
  17. ↑ Victoria Redel: Loverboy: a novel , San Diego: Harcourt, 2001. ISBN 978-0-15-600724-5 .