Narcissistic violence

from Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Narcissistic violence (also: narcissistic abuse ) originally referred to a special form of emotional violence by narcissistic parents against their children , which prevents them from developing their own desires and feelings, and instead aims at increasing parental self-worth . The term originated in the work of Alice Miller and other neo-psychoanalysts in the late 20th century .

In recent years, the term has often been used more broadly to refer to any violence perpetrated by a narcissistic person, especially in adult relationships. The self-help movement recognizes that someone who experienced narcissistic violence from a parent as a child tends to become codependent in later life . An adult who is in a relationship with a narcissist may fail to see the specifics of the narcissistic-codependent relationship.

Origins of the concept at Ferenczi

The roots of research into narcissistic violence go back to the late work of the Hungarian neurologist and psychoanalyst Sándor Ferenczi . In his attempts to help those patients who were classified as untherapierbar from other psychoanalysts, the origins are modern psychoanalytic theories about the schizoid , narcissistic or borderline - personality disorder . Ferenczi also examined the entanglements in the therapist-patient relationship and accused himself of sadistic (and implicitly narcissistic) violence towards his patients.

Narcissistic violence in the parent-child relationship

Kohut, Horney and Miller

Half a century later, the American psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut announced that the age of “ordinary narcissism” and “ordinary narcissistic aspiration” had been reached - the age of normative disposal over narcissistic confirmation - and with it the downside: narcissistic violence. According to Kohut, the narcissistic mother's misinterpretation of the child's signals is due to her inability to mirror . This parental misinterpretation can produce the same results in the child: Kohut reported, for example, the assumption of guilt by a son whose father did not mirror the child's feelings and instead was concerned with the exaltation of himself and therefore did not respond to the uniqueness of his son .

Karen Horney independently investigated a disorder characterized by the compulsive pursuit of recognition and power that arises from childhood injuries caused by parental narcissism and emotional violence. In doing so, she prepared the basis for current research by Alice Miller and others.

Alice Miller's work focuses on the process of reproduction of narcissistic violence in the parent-child relationship. Love relationships and the relationship of a narcissistic person to his children are repetitions of previous narcissistic entanglements. Miller's earlier work is based on Kohut's remarks on a deficit in parents' empathy and mirroring and is increasingly dedicated to the strategies of adults to repeat the narcissistic violation of their own childhood in an intergenerational cycle of narcissistic violence. According to Miller, children who would be used for parental self-exaltation can develop an amazing ability to subconsciously sense that parent's need and then assume the role that is subconsciously assigned to them.

Miller's work, which focused on parent-child interaction in everyday life, challenged the Freudian theorem of the Oedipus conflict and, in the 1980s, when 'abuse' became a social catchphrase , challenged the moral and educational underpinning of classical psychoanalysis.

Further developments

Since the 1980s, a more pragmatic version of the concept of narcissistic violence prevailed in wide areas of psychotherapy.

  • Post-Jungans have explored the narcissistic sore left by an oppressively disempathic parent. In particular, Polly Young-Eisendrath stresses the narcissistic desire of mothers (or fathers) to gain by their children recognition, can lead to drastic results for mother and child if both lose their capacity for autonomous development.
  • The object relations theory stresses that a lack of emotional accessibility of mother or father to traumatisierendsten heard experiences, and often educate that people who were raised by tyrannical authoritarian parents, like an intergenerational pattern their children in the same way. The British psychotherapist Adam Phillips adds that a mother who stifles all autonomy and diversity in her child often places in him the unconscious desire for revenge.
  • In another approach, Julia Kristeva explains how parents who overprotect their child , treat it as an artificial link of themselves and use it to stabilize their own psyche, nurture a feeling of omnipotence in them .
  • M. Scott Peck examined milder yet destructive forms of parental narcissism, as well as the depth of confusion his mother's narcissism created in himself.
  • The term narcissistic violence also appeared in connection with parent-child alienation , with role reversal ( parentification ) in which the child fills the emotional void of the alienating parent like a “living antidepressant”. As a result, the parent clings to the child like a drowning man.
  • In the 21st century, transactional analysis treats clients who experienced childhood narcissistic violence (a violation of the developing self).

Only classical psychoanalysis has retained the narrower, pre-Ferencziian meaning of narcissistic violence. In the Comprehensive Dictionary of Psychoanalysis of 2009, the term appears only once in connection with abuse of the therapeutic sofa for narcissistic affirmation : the fact that it is seen by some clients and therapists as a " status symbol " makes it a possible tool for narcissistic abuse .

Narcissistic violence in adult relationships

Narcissistic violence also appears in relationships among adults, particularly in partnerships and in the workplace. The narcissist is looking for a successful (independent, educated and attractive) and empathic partner in order to gain admiration for his own characteristics as well as power and control - narcissistic confirmation ( narcissistic supply, narcissistic feed ). The narcissistic person creates a perpetrator-victim relationship through his or her psychodynamics, which leads to a traumatic bond that makes it difficult for the partner to leave the increasingly violent relationship. Co-Dependents looking intentional relationships with narcissists.

The relationships of the narcissistic personality are characterized by a period of intense advertising ( love bombing ) and idealization of the new partner, followed by a creeping devaluation and a quick dropping of the partner. Instead of dropping it, this scenario can repeat itself by first ceasing communication with the codependent and then luring them back into the relationship with tokens of love and promises. At the beginning of the relationship (or a new cycle) the narcissist only shows the partner an ideal self with pseudo-empathy, kindness and charm. Once the partner has entered into the relationship (wedding, business relationship), the narcissistic partner's authentic self gradually emerges.

Narcissistic violence begins with disparaging comments and evolves into scorn , which can lead to deliberate ignoring, fling, triangulation , sabotage, and sometimes physical violence . Demands and low self-esteem are fundamental to these acts . Feelings of inadequacy are projected onto the victim . If the narcissistic person feels unattractive, they will look down on the partner's looks. If the narcissist makes a mistake, he will find the partner to be guilty of it. Narcissistic personalities also commit insidious, manipulative violence ( gaslighting ), as a result of which the victim questions their own perception. Another form of violence is the public exposure of the victim, whereby the narcissist only makes a seemingly neutral comment, but with the intention of attacking the victim. Any criticism of the narcissist, either actually expressed or only perceived by him, calls for a narcissistic insult and complete denial, possibly with a fit of anger or later revenge such as hidden sabotage (spreading rumors, refusing to communicate, hiding objects, etc. ).

Narcissistic individuals often quickly reject their partners once they find narcissistic confirmation from a new source. In partner relationships, narcissistic confirmation can also be covered by affairs. The new partner is completely idealized and initially only gets to see the narcissist's ideal self. Narcissists do not take responsibility for relationship problems or show feelings of remorse. Instead, they see themselves as a victim of the relationship as the partner failed to meet their expectations.

See also

literature

  • Alice Miller : The Drama of the Gifted Child , 1979.
  • Steven Stosny : Treating Attachment Abuse , 1995.
  • Estela V. Welldon : mother, Madonna, whore. Glorification and humiliation of the mother and the woman . Bonz, Waiblingen 1992, ISBN 978-3-87089-352-1 (Original title: Mother, madonna, whore . Translated by Detlev Rybotycky).
  • Shahida Arabi: POWER: Surviving and Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse: A Collection of Essays on Malignant Narcissism and Recovery from Emotional Abuse , 2017.

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ James I. Kepner: Body Process , 1997, p. 73.
  2. ^ C. Bailey-Rug: Life After Narcissistic Abuse , 2015, pp. I – iii.
  3. ^ C. Bailey-Rug: It's Not You, It's Them , 2016. pp. 80-81.
  4. ↑ Janet Malcolm : Psychoanalysis: The Impossible Profession , London 1988, pp. 134-135.
  5. ^ John E. Gedo: The Language of Psychoanalysis , 1996, p. 97.
  6. ↑ James Grotstein: Foreword , in: Neville Symington: Narcissism: A New Theory , London 1993, p. Xiii.
  7. ↑ a b Lior bars Hack: Passions and Convictions in Matters Political , 2000, p. 37
  8. ^ Heinz Kohut: How Does Analysis Cure? , London 1984, p. 183.
  9. ↑ Janet Sayers: Mothering Psychoanalysis , 1991, p. 18.
  10. ^ Henry Sussman: Psyche and Text , 1993, pp. 83-84.
  11. ↑ Alice Miller : The Drama of Being a Child , 1995, pp. 9, 152.
  12. ↑ Lisa Appignanesi and John Forrester: Freud's Women , 2005, pp. 472-473.
  13. ^ Andrew Samuels: Jung and the Post-Jungians , London 1986, p. 228.
  14. ↑ Polly Young-Eisendrath: Women and Desire , London 2000, p. 198.
  15. ^ Neville Symmington: Narcissism: A New Theory , London 1993, pp. 75, 79.
  16. ^ Adam Phillips: On Flirtation , London 1994, p. 106.
  17. ^ Julia Kristeva: Black Sun , New York 1989, pp. 61-62.
  18. ↑ M. Scott Peck: The Road Less Traveled By , 1990, pp. 175-177.
  19. ^ RA Gardner et al. A.: The International Handbook of Parental Alienation Syndrome , 2006, p. 200.
  20. ^ Salman Akhtar : Comprehensive Dictionary of Psychoanalysis , 2009, p. 60.
  21. ↑ a b Sam Vaknin: Malignant Self Love, 2010.
  22. ^ G. David Elkin: Introduction to Clinical Psychiatry , 1999, p. 171.
  23. ↑ C. Zayn and K. Dibble: Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On , New Horizon Press 2007.
  24. ^ R. Stern: The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life , Harmony 2007.
  25. ^ C. Bailey-Rug: Life After Narcissistic Abuse , 2015.