Helicopter parents

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Under helicopter parent , even helicopter parents or a foreign word Helicopter Parents (Engl. Helicopter parents or paranoid parents ), one understands colloquially overprotective parents who constantly staying close to their children, to keep them and to monitor. The metaphor of an observation helicopter constantly circling around the children is used for those parents whose parenting style is characterized by overprotection and excessive interference in the affairs of children or adolescents. In relation to the parents, one speaks of helicopter mothers and helicopter fathers.

General impact

Many studies show that this kind of upbringing has a negative impact on the development of a child in terms of characteristics such as self-efficacy , self-regulation or adaptability in the work environment. There are also studies on positive consequences such as an intensive parent-child relationship.

Related terms

The terms overprotection ( English overprotection ) and overprotective generally refer to behaviors of parents with whom and to provide to protect their child's need is overdeveloped. The same terms apply to other human relationships, such as between spouses. The term helicopter parent is a popular term for a modern form of overprotection that focuses on the constant monitoring of the child. Helicopter parents exercise their parenting role to an excessive degree ( English overparenting ), the growing child has too little external and internal freedom. Another type of overprotection is pampering , which, unlike the behavior of helicopter parents, does not have to be associated with excessive control. Pampering consists in sparing the child (or the partner) stress and exertion and fulfilling as many wishes as possible.

The helicopter metaphor was used as early as 1969 by the Israeli psychologist Haim G. Ginott in his work Between Parent & Teenager , who quotes an adolescent: "Mother hovers over me like a helicopter". In 2001 his American colleague Wendy Mogel coined the expression “helicopter parents” .

In Danish, the sports metaphors curlingbarn (“curling child”, Danish synonym: servicebarn ) and curlingforældre (“curling parents”) were created in 1999/2000 . They became known through publications by the Danish psychologist Bent Hougaard in Danish (2000) and in Swedish (2004). Similar to swiping in curling , curling parents develop a tremendous amount of activity in order to spare the child every obstacle, so that it does not learn to overcome resistance and solve problems independently. The terms “curling”, “lawnmower” or “snowplow parents” can also stand for an even greater degree of caring behavior on the part of helicopter parents.

The opposite of overprotection is neglect . Free-range parenting , which Lenore Skenazy particularly represents in the English-speaking world, forms an extreme contrast to overprotective ways of bringing up children .

Description according to Wendy Mogel

In 2001, the American family therapist Wendy Mogel described how she experienced modern parents of cared-for middle-class children in her practice: “From the outside, your family life looks perfect. Parents attend every school performance and soccer game their children attend. [...] You know all your children's friends and the parents' professions. If school performance falls, they organize tutoring. ”In Mogel's view, however, overparenting can lead to bedwetting , eating disorders , ADHD or serious school problems. In addition, such parents exert massive educational pressure. Achievement in school and sport would be interpreted as an important family product. As a way out, Mogel describes education for emotional stability, resilience and independence, based on a traditional Jewish set of values. She advocates hierarchical family structures, but at the same time recommends more restraint in bringing up parents.

As Mogel pointed out, the problem with this behavior lies not only in the fact that the parents concerned systematically incorrectly assess the risks that threaten their children. Mogel criticizes the fact that these parents - although they are loving, intelligent, empathetic and extremely committed - limit themselves in their educational work largely to a micromanagement of the changing moods of the child and thereby lose sight of the big picture of parenting: conveying values ​​to the child and to guide them to resistance and independence (“ character education ”).

Possible causes

Parental influence

In German-speaking countries, the discussion on the topic was initially taken up by the child psychiatrist Michael Winterhoff . Like many of his colleagues, he sees the cause of overprotection in his parents. In his work Why Our Children Become Tyrants , he wrote that more and more young people from middle-class families are in psychotherapy . They are children of committed, relationship-capable parents who have done everything for their offspring. Winterhoff sees the problem in the fact that the parents lack orientation and recognition, so that the child offers themselves to them as compensation .

Jesper Juul sees it similarly . The Danish family therapist sees the background of overprotection as a kind of narcissism of the parents: They wanted to have happy and successful children in order to be able to experience themselves as competent. In doing so, they consciously or unconsciously put their own wishes and ideas before those of their children and often overestimate their own abilities, while they often underestimate their children's independence.

The question of guilt

However, not all of them see the causes of parental micromanagement to be based on the character of the parents: The journalist Inge Kloepfer takes a contrary position. In the FAZ she formulated “praise from the helicopter parents” and called for the “parent bashing” to stop. She refers, among other things, to the British sociologist Frank Furedi . As early as 2002, in his book Die Elternparanoia, he pointed out that overconcerned parents are the result, even the goal of the constant warnings from "experts" against wrong upbringing. Furedi did not take action against the parents, “but against a whole army of self-proclaimed experts, psychologists and educators who had nothing but great parental insecurity in mind and who had almost achieved their goal: paranoid parents who protect their children from any hardship Tried to shield life - and spared no expense for it ”. Upbringing has been constantly criticized since antiquity, at least since Rousseau : “The times have never been really good for parents.” Studies that looked into the question of a connection between upbringing style and character formation provided by no means unambiguous results Many influences played a role in the development of children and young people. The fact is that the youngsters in Germany are doing better than ever before: "This is supported by a large number of children and youth studies."

Sociological factors

In contrast, the educationalist Albert Wunsch also takes social changes into account: “Today, parents have much more time for their 'project only child' than in the past, when they had three or four children […]. And once parents have solidified their pampering strategy for 18 years, they cannot suddenly stop just because their son or daughter is going to university or to work. "

The brain researcher Ralph Dawirs also calls the reasons complex; many of them are due to social changes: there are fewer and fewer children on whom everything is now concentrated. These should be able to exist in a performance society; the demands on them are correspondingly high. In the past, on the other hand, the offspring often lived in large families, the children played together in one district, and the neighbors also looked after things. So there was a kind of public supervision, and the upbringing was spread over several adults: "With that there was also a natural corrective".

Overprotection by parents is also discussed in the media; As an example, the way to school is emphasized as a learning experience and bringing and picking up in the parents 'car (colloquially: " parents' taxi ") is criticized.

In summary, it can be said that the causes of overparenting are diverse: Partly they are based on individual socialization experiences and the resulting need for compensation, but partly also on fears and worries about their offspring triggered by social changes. The gap between rich and poor plays just as important a role in this question as, for example, individual characteristics and ideas of the parents.

Advantages and disadvantages of being a helicopter parent

Psychological background

According to an empirical study with 1605 children, the constant presence of parents in a child's life has no beneficial effect. The sheer quantity of time mothers spend with their children ages 3-11 had no relation to child development. The result included the school performance, behavior and emotional well-being of the children.

Helicopter parents not only drive educators, teachers, professors, doctors and nurses crazy, but also their own children, writes Stern editor Lena Greiner in her article "My helicopter parents make me a therapy case".

The reform pedagogue Wolfgang Bergmann believes that spoiled children are usually unhappy and have the same behavior problems as neglected children. According to Bergmann, children have to find their way around in an environment that is as ordered as possible and internalize these external orders. The feeling that the whole world revolves around them robs them of this opposite.

The grotesque forms this type of overprotection can take and which occupational groups are most frequently affected by it are described by the authors Lena Greiner and Carola Padtberg in their book "Postpone the German work - my son has a birthday" by referring to everyday occurrences with helicopter parents enter.

Overprotection of adult children

The educationalist Andrä Wolter warns against too much interference especially in grown children: "Helicopter Parents extend the dependency phase and do not promote self-employment." The psychoanalyst and behavioral therapist Jost Ackermann cited the consequences of a possible separation conflict "depression, denial attitudes and handle Drugs" . Of course, it is desirable that parents are interested in their children and also encourage them; At the latest, however, they should let go when they start studying.

Unfortunately, this is precisely what is often ignored, as Heike Klovert's article "When helicopter parents land at the university" shows.

Positive consequences

Although the term “helicopter parents” is predominantly negative, some studies and investigations also refer to positive side effects of helicopter parenting . For example, a study from the US shows that helicopter education gives children the best chance of success in life (i.e. better educational opportunities and better jobs).

The same study also shows that authoritative helicopter parents are particularly good at ensuring that their offspring achieve university degrees. “That is the key to a profitable future. The dominant but argumentative parenting style seems to make the dreams of US parents come true. These children are less likely to use drugs, smoke, or drink alcohol. On top of that, they wait longer to have sex, and when they do they use condoms. "

Another study from the USA shows similar advantages of "helicopter parents". It shows that the children of parents who are involved in the education and who encourage and support their children are clearly more willing to learn and more successful.

"Generation Y"

The phenomenon of the helicopter parent has become part of normal usage, but its origins lie in the recent past. The so-called “Trophy Kids” were born between 1985 and 1999 - the first children of the age of the helicopter parents.

The effects of overprotection are many and varied, but how does it affect the adults who are Trophy Kids and what are the effects in the workplace?

Due to the constant supervision of the parents, the children have a very clear understanding of the feedback culture: They expect regular feedback in the workplace. In addition, coaching / mentoring offers and training programs are taken for granted. A high level of technical training and a strong technical interest result in a high level of self-confidence, which can often turn into overconfidence.

An open-minded and sociable being (especially through electronic media) can also be the result of being raised by helicopter parents - but the development of soft skills often falls by the wayside.

See also

literature

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ a b J. Bradley-Geist: Helicopter parents: an examination of the correlates of over-parenting of college students . 2013 researchgate.net
  2. ↑ Nicole B. Perry, Jessica M. Dollar, Susan D. Calkins, Susan P. Keane: Childhood Self-Regulation as a Mechanism Through Which Early Overcontrolling Parenting Is Associated With Adjustment in Preadolescence . In: Developmental Psychology , 54 (8), 2018, pp. 1542–1554. doi: 10.1037 / dev0000536
  3. ↑ L. Padilla-Walker: Black Hawk down? Establishing helicopter parenting as a distinct construct from other forms of parental control during emerging adulthood . 2012, PMID 22503075
  4. ^ Haim G. Ginott : Between Parent & Teenager , p. 18
  5. ↑ a b c d e Child Psychology: Too much of a good thing . , Spiegel Online schulspiegel, August 14, 2013
  6. ↑ curlingbarn (known since 1999), servicebarn (known since 2000), curlingforældre (known since 2000) in Danske Ordbog .
  7. ^ Bent Hougaard: Curling-forældre & service-børn: Debat om vort nye børnesyn (Danish). Hougaards Forlag, 2000.
  8. ↑ Bent Hougaard: Curlingföräldrar och servicebarn: en handbok i barnuppfostran (Swedish), Prisma, 2004. See also the cover picture of the Swedish audio book edition (2005).
  9. ↑ Antonia Fuchs: Even worse than "helicopter parents": How "lawnmower parents" harm their children. In: gmx.de. January 20, 2020, accessed January 23, 2020 .
  10. ↑ Selma: Helicopter Parents. 2014, accessed May 23, 2019 .
  11. ↑ No more parent-bashing - praise from the helicopter parents FAZ.net, August 19, 2013
  12. ↑ Overconcerned parents: First ask mom , Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung of January 11, 2011
  13. ↑ About Cautious "helicopter parent" harm their children , Hamburger Abendblatt on February 6, 2013
  14. ↑ "How often did my son sneeze in the first two school hours?" In: Spiegel online. September 7, 2018, accessed November 20, 2019 .
  15. ↑ Why parents shouldn't drive their children to school. In: Spiegel online. January 29, 2018, accessed November 20, 2019 .
  16. ↑ Melissa A. Milkie, Kei M. Nomaguchi, Kathleen E. Denny: Does the Amount of Time Mothers Spend With Children or Adolescents Matter? In: Journal of Marriage and Family . Volume 77, No. 2, March 4, 2015, pp. 355-372, 10.1111 / jomf.12170 , ISSN  0022-2445 .
  17. ↑ Lena Greiner: My helicopter parents make me a therapy case. In: Stern.de. February 20, 2017. Retrieved May 23, 2019 .
  18. ↑ Lisa Harmann: "Must go on a class trip" The most incredible stories about helicopter parents. In: Berliner Kurier . September 12, 2018, accessed May 23, 2019 .
  19. ↑ "Helicopter Parents": At the Rockzipfel to the university . Tagesspiegel.de, March 21, 2012
  20. ↑ Heike Klovert: When helicopter parents land at the university. In: Spiegel Online . October 27, 2015, accessed May 23, 2019 .
  21. ↑ a b Gernot Kramper: Helicopter parents - everyone is gossiping, but the concept works. In: Stern. February 19, 2019, accessed May 23, 2019 .
  22. ^ R. Shoup, MG Robert, GD Kuh: Helicopter Parents: Examining the Impact of highly Involved Parents on Student Engagement and Educational Outcomes . Editor: Indiana University.
  23. ↑ C. Schmidt, mf, sas et al .: Article. In: DFZ , 2014, 58, p. 16, doi: 10.1007 / s12614-014-2014-7
  24. ↑ Prejudice about Millennials - Are they effeminate and work-shy? Retrieved May 23, 2019 .