Child of divorce

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Divorce orphan (also divorce child , separation child) describes a child who has lost his parents' home through the divorce of his parents. This is accompanied by the problem of deprivation of living with both parents, often also restrictions on contact with at least one parent, and possibly also the loss of custody of one parent in the event of a divorce .

Effects of a divorce on

Child-parent relationship

Children suffer from a separation or divorce from their father and mother. Compared to adults, children perceive divorce as less of an opportunity for a new beginning. This is especially true if this is associated with mutual devaluation and injury. The child is existentially dependent on a stable relationship with both the father and the mother. If the parents split up in an argument, the child gets into a loyalty conflict : as soon as the child shows affection for one parent, it must fear losing the other's. This seriously endangers or destroys the child-parent relationship .

Divorce is always a complex, holistic process that is perceived individually by those affected and thus also by the children; the child's reactions are dependent on the child's maturity, level of development, age and a large number of individual and situation-related factors. The range of child reactions is diverse.

Joint custody as the basis for a joint exercise of parental responsibility beyond the separation can alleviate the problem in individual cases.

The parents' conflicts are often bundled in conflicts of conduct. In Germany, advice and support by the youth welfare office , court rules on contact and their enforcement and, in extreme cases, the instrument of custody , a relatively new instrument § 1684 BGB, which can be used in the event of a significant and repeated breach of the duty of loyalty, serve to stabilize contact with people in Germany .

Family relationships

A divorce of the parents brings for the affected children a variety of problems and conflicts with it. An important question that arises after a divorce is the question of the residence regulations, which means for the child that they have to come to terms with a changed environment and changed living conditions. A child can get into a loyalty conflict , in particular when changing location, such as spending the weekend with the father and then returning to the mother . The child wants to stay with one parent, but not harm the other. Another dimension of this conflict are different values: The requirement to meet the requirements of both parents and to adapt to two, possibly different, value systems is a massive burden for the child. Such a loyalty conflict is intensified by a hostile mood between the parents, because the child feels obliged to both parents. As a result of this burden, so-called alliance formation can occur, in which the child turns away from one parent and attaches itself to the parent on whom it feels more dependent.

If there is no formation of an alliance and the loyalty conflict for the child persists, this burden does not affect the relationship with the parents, but leads to behavioral problems.

In general, after a divorce there is often a "temporarily stressed relationship with at least one parent". A significant factor for the severity of this burden is the place of residence of the children after the divorce. It was found that the relationship between a child of divorce and his or her mother was “more frequently characterized by negative feelings such as aversion and hostility” if the child lived with the mother after the divorce. Although the relationship with the father in these cases was less marked by negative emotions, it was burdened by other influences. The most stressful factor here is the reduced contact due to the father's absence from the child's place of residence.

The absence of a parent is a great loss for the children of divorce, often compounded by the fact that the parents themselves may find it difficult to accept the end of their marriage. In these cases, the child lacks the opportunity to express his feelings, especially his sadness and anger, and to process the separation. In addition, when a parent moves out, a child can feel strongly abandoned. This feeling can be intensified if the child feels responsible for the departure of the parent and thus for the separation of the parents.

The general management of the divorce of the parents and the loss associated with it can also be made more difficult by the desire to reunite the family. It is therefore important to communicate to the child that the divorce is final and to emphasize that there is nothing the child can do to change it.

While the parent-child relationship with at least one parent suffers after a divorce, the relationship between siblings with divorced parents also changes. In general, there is often an “improvement and intensification of the sibling relationship”, as well as a reduction in any existing rivalry. On the other hand, the presence of siblings can be an additional burden, especially for older siblings. Some children of divorce tend to take on the role of the missing parent after a divorce, which means that they take on a lot of responsibility very early on.

Cognitive development and academic performance

Children of divorce don't just suffer emotionally from divorce. Their cognitive and academic performance are also negatively affected. The absence of fathers from the household and living with grandparents is associated with negative consequences for children in practically all developed countries. This affects both cognitive and non-cognitive abilities, with the former domain being more affected. These disadvantages go hand in hand with a drop in performance at school. This is particularly the case with children who “had their first school experience at the time of the divorce”. However, “the extent, severity and duration of the problems are very different because children react differently and deal with problems.” The poorer school performance compared to children from intact families is less related to a weaker intelligence development as a result of a divorce than to behavioral problems in the children of the divorce and the resulting consequences (expulsion from school, dropouts, etc.). In intelligence tests (e.g. Hamburg-Wechsler intelligence test for children (HAWIK)), children of divorce do worse in all areas than their peers from intact families. There are also gender-specific differences, so that “boys from divorced families get the worst results”.

Adult partnerships

Children of divorce, as opposed to children of divorce, enter into relationships earlier, have a higher number of relationships in their lives, marry later than children of divorce, and divorce more frequently. There are various reasons why children of divorce marry later than children of divorce. On the one hand, it can be related to the fact that children of divorce more often take the view that the institution of marriage is not necessary in order to have a long and satisfied partnership. On the other hand, it can also be because they have learned through their parents' divorce that relationships do not have to be permanent and have an overall more negative attitude towards marriage.

However, these findings are very likely to be related not only to the divorce itself, but also to the circumstances in which it is going and how the family deals with it. It has been shown that there is less trust in their partner among people from more conflicting families of divorce. It is also generally the case that people from conflicting families are more dissatisfied with their partnerships and are more liberal about divorces. They also perceive less emotional intimacy. A happy partnership is less related to whether your parents are divorced or not, but more to how conflicted the family is. Accordingly, early interventions are also possible to reduce the negative impact on future partnerships.

Current practice

In many cases the mother determines whether the father-child relationship can be maintained after a separation or divorce. Often, the relationship between father and child is additionally disturbed by insufficient mutual contact.

Fathers' organizations criticize the legal regulation as well as its problematic practical implementation, in which embittered mothers often torpedo the right to visit. The criticism is directed at the family courts, which apply the sanctions provided for in the law against parents who refuse to visit (mostly the mother) too little or not at all. Fathers' organizations fear a socio-political explosion potential and the development of a fatherless society.

Holiday regulation

There are enormous regional differences in annual holidays. In Germany, the non-caring parent usually has the right to contact the child during half of the school holidays within the framework of the statutory contact regulations.

In German-speaking Switzerland, the parent who is not caring for them is only allowed to spend two to three weeks out of 14 weeks with the child.

For the child this means a great loss of relationship and for the other parent, depending on their point of view, a correspondingly high financial, temporal (especially if they are at work) and emotional stress.

In French-speaking Switzerland , each parent is responsible for half of the school holidays and the child can spend their holidays with both of them.

Situation in Switzerland

This article or the following section is not adequately provided with supporting documents ( e.g. individual evidence ). Information without sufficient evidence could be removed soon. Please help Wikipedia by researching the information and including good evidence.

According to the Federal Statistical Office , 16,369 children were orphaned by divorce in 2005 alone. The divorce rate in 2005 was 52.6%. In 66.6% of cases, custody was transferred to the mother alone, i.e. H. withdrawn from the father. Only in 5.7% of the cases did the father receive sole custody. In 27.4% of the cases, joint custody of both parents could be ordered.

According to ZGB Art. 133, since the new divorce law came into force in 2000, both parents can retain custody in the event of a divorce. However, only if both parents agree and a care plan is drawn up. This legal formulation means a quasiveto of the mother. If she does not agree to the maintenance of the father's custody, custody is granted to the mother in the classic role distribution during the marriage.

Politically, efforts are underway to introduce joint parental custody as a rule regardless of marital status . A postulate submitted by CVP National Councilor Reto Wehrli in 2004 is in the FDJP for clarification and processing .

The term "divorce orphan" is often used by the Swiss press in reports about fathers after the divorce (Oberthurgauer Nachrichten "Abuse of Mother Power" April 2006; St. Galler Tagblatt).

Some father organizations compare the handling in this regard with that of the contract children or with the incidents regarding the persecution of Yeniche by the aid organization "Kinder der Landstrasse", also dark chapters in recent Swiss history.

See also

literature

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ Divorce orphan. Duden
  2. ↑ Vera Nowak, Veronika Gössweiner: Consequences of divorce: The long-term effects of a divorce on the way of life with special consideration of the first cohabitation , p. 227.
  3. ↑ The child of divorce in a conflict of loyalty. (PDF) (No longer available online.) Archived from the original on February 23, 2014 ; accessed on February 23, 2014 . Info: The archive link was inserted automatically and has not yet been checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. @1@ 2Template: Webachiv / IABot / www.igm-be.ch
  4. ↑ snow wind u. a. 1995, 1101.
  5. ↑ Fthenakis et al. a. 1982, 142; Schwarz 1999, 16 ff .; Suess 19993, 170; Buskotte 1991, 179; see. Dümmler 1996, 49ff.
  6. ↑ U. Schmidt-Denter, W. Beelmann: Family relationships after separation and divorce: change processes in mothers, fathers and children. University of Cologne, Psychological Institute 1995; Wallerstein / Blakeslee 1989.
  7. ↑ FamRZ-Buch 37, No. 1176, 1177.
  8. ↑ a b c d e Contact resistances of the child after the separation of the parents: cause, effect and handling. (PDF) Retrieved June 3, 2018 .
  9. ↑ a b c D. Desser: Effects of parental divorce on children and adolescents. With special consideration of the sibling relationship. P. 16.
  10. ↑ a b c d divorce. Help in dealing with young people whose parents are divorced or separated. Retrieved June 3, 2018 .
  11. ↑ LE Berk: Developmental Psychology. 3rd, updated edition. P. 457.
  12. ^ A b J. Radl, L. Salazar, H. Cebolla-Boado: Does Living in a Fatherless Household Compromise Educational Success? A Comparative Study of Cognitive and Non-cognitive Skills. Pp. 271-242.
  13. ↑ Divorce: Late Consequences in Children . In: Der Spiegel . No. 5 , 1989 ( online ).
  14. ↑ The impact of divorce and separation on children's school performance. Retrieved June 2, 2018 .
  15. ↑ D. Desser: Effects of Parental Divorce on Children and Adolescents. With special consideration of the sibling relationship. P. 5.
  16. ↑ a b J. Kardas, A. Langenmayr: Social-emotional and cognitive characteristics of children of divorce and children from two-parent families - a cross-sectional comparison. Pp. 273-286.