Bob Mills (comedian)

Bob Mills (born 30 June 1957, New York City, New York, United States) is a British comedian and fanatical Leyton Orient supporter. He is notable for his appearances in cult TV series such as In Bed with Medinner and The Show, the latter an attempt to do a non-fictional British version of The Larry Sanders Show.

Robert Eugene Mills was born in Room 417 of the Astoria Hotel, New York City. He was raised in Leyton, London and educated at St. Catherine's Prep School, London. While at school, he was good friends with Gordon Strachan. His uncle, Eric Lee, played in The Football League for Chester City [2].

He left school in 1973 to work as a copywriter for Ladybird books in Liverpool, where he co-wrote the Dr Seuss book, 'Green Eggs and Ham', but was dismissed as he persistantly attempted to put Leyton Orient references such as "John Jackson caught the ball" in the childrens books, factually incorrect and misleading for younger readers.

After leaving Ladybird, he worked briefly for Liverpool FC as PA to Terry McDermott before deciding to become a comedian. Bob took elocution lessons to enable him to pursue a career on the stage, But Alfie Bass proved to be an unfortunate choice of teacher and Bob found himself alienated in Chester and had to move back south to find fame and fortune.

For some time he worked as a stand-up comedian in London. He also frequently compered at small events to earn extra money, and is credited by Julian Lloyd Webber with introducing him to Leyton Orient during a particularly long discussion one night at a Classical Musicians Dinner in March 1975. Though making a name for himself within the capital's entertainment circut, this was a difficult time in Bob's life. Well received on smaller stages, and getting the occasional good review, he nevertheless found it difficult to become an acknowledged star, and missed out on several plum roles that went to more established entertainers. Perhaps the greatest let-down was when he was almost cast in The Good Life, but lost out to Penelope Keith.

He finally found success as a temporary replacement for 'Whispering' Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. Unfortunately the recording time clashed with most Leyton Orient home games, and his time on the programme was short. Nevertheless, his time on the programme led him to a job as a roving columnist for the New Musical Express (1975-1976, 1976-1979).

His time at the NME was interrupted by a brief stint as music reporter for the Belfast Telegraph in 1976. Mysteriously, though Bob's autobiography records that he enjoyed his time living on the Ballybean estate in east Belfast, he left his job suddenly in August 1976 and has never returned to Northern Ireland. Thankfully NME accepted him back onto the staff. He was one of the last people to interview John Lennon in late 1979, where thanks to Lennon's mild intoxication, he managed to get the exclusive that Paul McCartney had never existed. He also played drums during a live performance of The Ramones single I want to be sedated after Tommy Ramone broke his right hand. He considers this his claim to fame.

While at the NME, Bob continued to work as a stand-up comedian and occasional comedy writer, and is sighted as an inspiration by many who would go on to perform at the Comedy Store during the 'alternative comedy' boom in the early 1980s.

It was during this time too that he was briefly married to Sandi Toksvig. The two met during a Bar Mitzveh in East Ham in 1980, and after a four-week torrid affair they were wed in St. Martin's Chapel, Eastwich. However, both soon realised that they could not base their relationship solely on extraordinary sex. After three months they decided that the marriage was not going to work - Sandi knew she would always come second to Leyton Orient. The couple also got into some legal problems in December 1980 when Bob accidentally defected to the Soviet Union. The matter was resolved in a few hours though.

Bob and Sandi divorced in 1981. She introduced him to his favourite food, Scotch Eggs, and his habit of enjoying a tequila on a Sunday while watching Songs of Praise.

Pained by his experiences, Bob emigrated to Australia in January 1982. He re-entered comedy with force, getting a job writing for the Australian satirical programme It's a Joke Mate within four hours of landing in Alice Springs. Bob remained in Australia for much of the 1980s, where he made a successful career writing and presenting for many popular Australian TV programmes, and briefly played Basil, Lucy Robinson's dog, on Neighbours. It was while in Australia that an unfortunate incident with a kangaroo, a thong and a ball-point pen left Bob with a life long phobia of beetroots. He is still legally prevented from talking about the case, but is known to shudder uncontrollably whenever he hears the word 'Skippy'.

After being encouraged by friends to move on from his divorce, he met Helena Christensen at a New Years' Eve party in Sydney in 1988. Then an art student at the University of Sydney, they were drawn together by a mutual love of English lower-league football and cheese. They lived together for two years, before Bob encouraged her to move to Paris to pursue her modelling career.

Firmly established as a 'name' down under, he returned to the UK in March 1990. Hired by ITN to present the News at Ten, the mistake was quickly rectified and he went on to host several popular light entertainment shows, including the daytime quiz show Win, Lose or Draw on ITV, and the computer games programme Games World on Sky1. When hosting Win, Lose Or Draw, he made every Wednesday 'Waistcoat Day', and had a mug full of fake paper money for the winner. Apart from TV presenting, Bob also wrote most episodes of Michael Barrymore comedy, Bob Martin as well as Shameless, Stan The Man and Christmas Lights. [1] He also wrote the screenplay for the film Pierrepoint and introduced Hugh Grant to Richard Curtis at a party in 1992.

Today, he appears periodically on BBC Five Live's Fighting Talk. He is also a well-known supporter of Leyton Orient, and writes a regular column in the Leyton Orient programme. Bob often sits in for Danny Baker on BBC London. He can also be found on shows such as Channel 4's 100 Greatest... as a talking head, most recently 100 Greatest Funny Moments.

In October 2008, Bob controversially admitted his previously hidden passion for Newcastle football club as a 'second team', and threw his weight behind under fire manager Joe Kinnear.

He is such a fan of Newcastle, he has offered his services to the club as manager, but faces fierce competition from Bobby Gould.

He has also recently endorsed the religious cult of Scientology, and is directly quoted as saying 'Yeah it's alright' in a Sunday Times interview in September. It is believed he joined this following having been under pressure to do something interesting with his life.

To avoid bankruptcy, he has changed his name to Bob Mills-McCartney.

Famous Quotes

'We play real football in the lower leagues'

'What time does Andy Murray go to Bed? Tennish!'

'Just give it to me'

'Judo's not a sport'

'I hate american football'

'Colin Murray. What an utter fool.'

'I tell you for why.'

External links

• In Bed With Medinner website
• Bob Mills interview