I-message

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I-messages is a term often used in theories of communication psychology. These are personal statements in the sense of a "self-disclosure", which convey one's own opinion on issues and feelings, but also the perspective of the type of relationship between the speaker and the writer and his / her communication partner (s). However, speakers or writers not only send messages that they intend, but also those that the listener or reader picks up without this effect being intended by the “sender” of the message. The tone of the voice, the facial expressions and gestures (the body language of the “sender”) also convey I-messages.

The term (English: "I-Message") originally came from the American psychologist Thomas Gordon . He understood I-messages to be authentic and evaluation -free self-revelations. I-messages and active listening are important parts of the Gordon Model . Friedemann Schulz von Thun assigns I-messages in his four-sided model importance in the "self-disclosure" and understands by this "messages with a personal part of self-disclosure".

features

For Gordon, an I-message consists of 3 parts:

  • Unjudgmental description of behavior: First, the triggering behavior should be described without evaluation. This is why, according to Gordon, good I-messages often begin with the word "If ...". It should be made clear that the undesired effect does not always occur, but only under the stated condition.
  • Tangible and concrete undesirable effect: Second, the tangible and graphic effect of the behavior should be described. This should express that the subsequent feeling is triggered by this concrete effect and not directly by the behavior itself.
  • Feeling: The third thing that should be expressed is the feeling that is generated. This logical order is not sacred.

Examples:

  • "If you're loud, I don't understand anything and I get angry."
  • "If you don't do homework, I'll have to explain more about why I'm frustrated."

According to Patrzek (2008), I-messages also contain a factual element. This tells what caused the feelings.

Three forms of the I-message

Thomas Gordon distinguishes in his book "The New Family Conference: Raising Children Without Punishing" three forms of the I-message:

  • The positive I-message: Instead of expressing praise, the feeling and the effect that the child's behavior triggers should be expressed here. According to Gordon, not only censure but also praise can act as a barrier to communication .
  • The confrontational I-message: This communicates what the adult experiences as a result of the child's behavior.
  • The preventive I-message: This means letting the child know at an early stage what the adult's need is and what kind of support he needs for this.

Effect in the communication process

This article or the following section is not adequately provided with supporting documents ( e.g. individual evidence ). Information without sufficient evidence could be removed soon. Please help Wikipedia by researching the information and including good evidence.

I-messages in the sense of statements in which the speaker / writer expressly expresses himself / herself is attributed a de-escalating effect in corresponding communication psychological theories . They had a positive influence on a partnership and an open discussion situation . The speaker himself get in formulating the I-message more clarity for himself and his needs and accept it tends to be self-responsibility . At the same time, the interlocutor would be given joint responsibility in the form of a margin of responsibility for further events.

Put forward in the first person form, expressed moods would not be hurtful criticism of the other person, as possibly with a "you message" (eg "You always lie!"). The I-message is supposed to avoid a sterile confrontation situation.

I-messages should have 3 advantages over a you-message:

  • The recipient learns about the actual needs and feelings of the sender.
  • The recipient does not have to defend himself because he is not attacked.
  • A discussion about who is right can be avoided.

Criticism, problem

In the 1970s, the recommendation to send I-messages was spread as a promising innovation, but some had hardly gotten beyond formulations such as “I believe that you are inconsiderate”, which is not in the spirit of the I-message correspond. It is criticized that I-messages can also cover up anger , while the anger with you-messages is more tangible and direct, which is why the partner can react better to it. Schulz von Thun points out that an overly mechanical application of I-messages also brings with it the danger that the sender, as a communication professional, would distance itself from being affected and, as it were, stand above the action. In the worst case, I-messages can mask feelings of insecurity by signaling superiority. I-messages should - according to Schulz von Thun - be used accordingly with the awareness that self-awareness should be promoted and human communication should be facilitated.

You messages

With you messages, a statement is made about the other. Often I-messages ( "I am sad.") Would be translated into a you-message ( "You are inconsiderate.") Or a hidden you message ( "I feel ignored" ). The you message is " a perfectly suitable weapon of war ", because by avoiding an emotional I-message, the inner world is made unrecognizable and the recipient is put into distress. This has two disadvantages:

  • The broadcaster itself is losing clarity about its feelings
  • The recipient is unable to get involved in a constructive solution to the problem because he feels attacked and the wish for rehabilitation is in the foreground.

Marshall B. Rosenberg has examined the disadvantages of you messages in his concept of nonviolent communication .

See also

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ Hannelore Josuks, Gottfried Adam, Gottfried Schleinitz: Professional communication in care and management. A practical guide . 2nd Edition. Schlütersche Verlagsgesellschaft, Hanover 2011, ISBN 978-3-89993-276-8 , p. 65 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  2. ^ Thomas Gordon, W. Sterling Edwards: Making the Patient Your Partner. Communication Skills for Doctors and Other Caregivers . 2nd Edition. Greenwood Publishing Group, Westport 1997, ISBN 0-86569-273-4 , pp. 112 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  3. ↑ a b c d e f g Friedemann Schulz von Thun: Talking to one another: 1. Disturbances and clarifications . 50th edition. tape 1 .. Rowohlt, Hamburg 2013, ISBN 978-3-499-17489-6 , pp. 88 f., 126 f. and 304 f . ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  4. ↑ a b c d e Thomas Gordon: Teacher Effectiveness Training. The Program Proven to Help Teachers Bring Out the Best in Students of All Ages . Crown Publishing, New York 2003, ISBN 0-609-80932-6 , pp. 142–148 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  5. ↑ Thomas Gordon: Parent Effectiveness Training. The Proven Program for Raising Responsible . Three Rivers Press, New York 2000, ISBN 0-609-80693-9 , pp. 132 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  6. ↑ Christine Rabe, Martin Wode: Mediation. Basics, methods, legal framework . Springer, Heidelberg 2014, ISBN 978-3-642-38129-4 , pp. 192 , doi : 10.1007 / 978-3-642-38130-0 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  7. ↑ Thomas Gordon: The New Family Conference: Raising Children Without Punishing . Heyne, 2012, ISBN 978-3-641-07171-4 ( limited preview in Google Book Search).
  8. ↑ Thomas Gordon: Family Conference: Resolving Conflicts Between Parents and Children . Heyne, 2012, ISBN 978-3-641-07260-5 ( limited preview in Google Book Search).
  9. ↑ Ulrike Hensel: With a lot of sensitivity: understanding and appreciating high sensitivity . Junfermannsche Verlagsbuchhandlung, 2013, ISBN 978-3-87387-913-3 , pp. 97 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  10. ↑ Pschyrembel® Dictionary Care . Walter de Gruyter, 2003, ISBN 3-11-089931-0 ( limited preview in Google Book Search [accessed June 19, 2015]).
  11. ↑ Wolfgang Weilharter: The method of nonviolent communication. Brief introduction and first discussion . In: Working group of Protestant religious teachers at general education colleges in Austria (Ed.): Protestant identity. Gender and Violence in Religious Education . tape 28 , no. 1-4 . LIT, Vienna 2009, ISBN 978-3-643-50148-6 , p. 297 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  12. ^ Alois Krist: tension instead of division. Dimensions of a conducive handling of aggression in the church . LIT, Berlin 2010, ISBN 978-3-643-10754-1 , pp. 170 ( limited preview in Google Book search).