Nonviolent Communication

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The Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a plan of action , that of Marshall Rosenberg has been developed. It should enable people to deal with one another in such a way that the flow of communication leads to more trust and joy in life. In this sense, NVC should be helpful both in everyday communication and in peaceful conflict resolution in personal, professional or political areas. The focus is not to get other people to a specific action, but a respectful relationship to develop, the more cooperation and common creativity in coexistence possible. Sometimes the terms sensitive communication , connecting communication , appreciative communication, language of the heart or giraffe language are also used.

Marshall Rosenberg at a workshop on nonviolent communication with hand puppets Giraffe and Wolf , see below (Israel 1990)

History and dissemination

Rosenberg holds a PhD in clinical psychology from the University of Wisconsin – Madison . The concept of nonviolent communication emerged from Rosenberg's confrontation with the American civil rights movement in the early 1960s. He helped to reverse racial segregation in schools and institutions in a peaceful way. When, with increasing success, he met more people who also wanted to support him financially, he founded the non-profit organization “The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC)” (initially for tax reasons).

Rosenberg has offered training courses in nonviolent communication in Sweden , Switzerland , Italy , Germany , Israel , Denmark , Poland , Hungary , Malaysia , India , the USA and many other countries throughout his life . For a long time he was also active in crisis areas and economically disadvantaged regions such as Palestine , Serbia and Rwanda and for several years he lived in Switzerland. Until his death in February 2015, he spent his old age in Albuquerque (New Mexico, USA).

In 1994 Serbian educators and psychologists - supported by UNICEF  - developed a three-volume work on learning nonviolent communication according to Rosenberg's method for kindergartens and schools. Rosenberg has also developed a concept of NVC learning specially tailored for children.

The concept of NVC can be used in many areas such as educational institutions , organizations , institutions, personal relationships, therapy , counseling , negotiation , diplomacy, and anywhere conflict arises. Many coaching and mediation agencies offer training courses and seminars on GFK and use them to deal with conflicts.

Theoretical background

The GFK stands in the tradition of client-centered psychotherapy developed by Rosenberg's teacher Carl Rogers . The active listening is at Rogers center stage, however, the GRP is beyond the conversation therapeutic setting. The NVC is also influenced by Mahatma Gandhi and his reflections on nonviolence , called Ahimsa , which are based on the Upanishads , a collection of philosophical writings from Hinduism. Many elements of GRC can also be found in other conflict resolution techniques, such as in Martin Arnold's kindness concept, mediation and win-win strategies.

Explanation of the Rosenberg concept

Basic assumptions

Cards with basic human needs in the hands of exercise group participants

According to Rosenberg, empathy is a basic requirement for successful communication. He assumes that the form in which people communicate with one another has a decisive influence on whether they develop empathy for their counterpart and can meet their needs . He also assumes that people seek empathic connection with others under free conditions. The NVC is designed to help you express yourself honestly and clearly and to listen empathically. It focuses on the needs and feelings that lie behind actions and conflicts. It should not be seen as a communication technique , but more as an awareness of the possibilities of empathic contact. In principle, it is not necessary for both communication partners to use NVC - even if it is very helpful, especially for beginners or in private human relationships, when both of you know how much potential there is in the sensitive connection. In NVC, empathy is important from two perspectives. In addition to empathy with another person, self-empathy is also important in order to gain clarity in a situation and thus enable strategies to be found that serve to meet needs on all sides.

Rosenberg assumes that everyone is willing to do something for another person, provided that certain conditions are met (e.g. the request is formulated as a request and not as a demand, he does not have the impression that he is doing an obligation or to put the other into a duty and so on). This image of man goes back to the attitude, borrowed from humanistic psychology, of seeing in a damaging action of an individual not the expression of the inner being, but the "misguided" strategy of an impulse that is actually useful for life. Rosenberg makes particular reference to Carl Rogers. Rosenberg calls every form of violence a tragic expression of an unfulfilled need.

Assumptions about the origin of the conflict

The giraffe is the symbol of non-violent communication. The long neck is supposed to symbolize the foresight. The fact that she has the biggest heart among land mammals stands for compassion.

Rosenberg names several triggers that can lead to conflicts:

  • Static language : According to Wendell Johnson, problems arise when trying to describe or even capture the constantly changing world with static language. Instead, Rosenberg recommends a process-oriented language. Observations should be formulated “specifically in relation to time and the context of action” (p. 45). (See also: Concretization and situationally variable attribution style )
  • Linking objective observation with subjective evaluation : He did not kick committed objectively to stay, but to separate objectively verifiable observations and subjective evaluations. (P. 45) He agrees with J. Krishnamurti , according to which the ability to observe without judgment is the highest form of human intelligence. (P. 48) (See also: observation sentence ).
  • Criticism instead of wishes: "And when people hear something that [...] sounds like criticism, then they tend to put their energy into defense or a counterattack." (P. 73) This reduces the willingness to respond to a request to enter into empathy.

Rosenberg differentiates between two types of interpersonal communication, non-violent communication and alienating communication . For playful illustration this is also referred to as "giraffe language" and "wolf language" in lectures and seminars.

Communication alienating life

Needs card with the basic need for mindfulness

Rosenberg understands life-alienating communication as forms of communication that block connections between people and can contribute to psychological or physical violence . Communication alienating life is characterized by the following properties:

  1. The ( moral ) judgment about the communication partner. This includes the attribution of characteristics to the person (e.g. “good / bad”, “just / unjust”, “healthy / sick”), even if it happens implicitly as a mixture of observation and evaluation. One form of implicit condemnation can be assessments presented as feelings, for example “I feel provoked”. Here the communication partner is indirectly referred to as a provocateur . It is important that evaluations are not rejected in the GFK (a common misunderstanding). Rather, it is seen as helpful to evaluate the actions of others, but with reference to one's own feelings and needs and not with reference to moral categories.
  2. Making comparisons: This is another form of condemnation, according to Marshall Rosenberg.
  3. Denying responsibility for one's own feelings and actions, such as in "I feel this way because you treat me badly" or: "I had to do that, the boss ordered it."
  4. Making demands instead of requests . The difference between request and demand lies in the consequence of what happens when the other person rejects the request. In the event of a refusal, the request allows the other person to search flexibly for other ways of accommodating. If a claim is made, however, there is a risk of sanctions. This does not always have to take the form of obvious punishments; it is also possible to generate fear or feelings of guilt in the other person (e.g. through silence or reproaches).

In order not to continue the problem, the claim from nonviolent communication would not be to morally condemn a person who uses “alienating communication”. This form of communication is also based on unfulfilled needs, although they can be more difficult to perceive.

Basic model of the GRP

Cards with the 4 steps of fiberglass (in reverse order) in use in an exercise group

The four steps of NVC are observation, feeling, need, request:

  1. Observation means describing a specific act (or omission) without mixing it with an evaluation or interpretation. The point here is not to evaluate, but to separate the evaluation from the observation so that the other person gets clarity as to what one is referring to.
  2. The observation triggers a feeling that can be perceived in the body and with several or one ...
  3. Need related. This means general qualities that probably every person on earth would like to have in their life, such as security , understanding , contact or meaning. According to NVC, feelings are a kind of indicator or expression of whether a need is currently being met or not. Needs are very important for sensitive contact, as they point the way to a creative solution that suits everyone involved.
  4. The need ultimately results in a request for a concrete action in the here and now. In order to make them as fulfilable as possible, requests and wishes can be distinguished: requests relate to actions in the now, wishes, on the other hand, are vague, relate to states (“be respectful”) or to events in the future. The former are easier to meet and therefore have more chances of success. Rosenberg also suggests formulating requests in “positive action language” - i.e. H. to say what you want instead of what you don't want. A distinction can be made between a request for action (for example, to clear out the dishwasher) and a request for a relationship (for example, for a description of one's own feelings).

Rosenberg summarizes the GFK steps in the following sentence:

"If I a see, I feel b, because I c need. That's why I would now like to d . "
a ... observation; b ... feeling; c ... need; d … please

This formulation pattern should help the speaker not to fall into the alienated communication, but to apply the four steps of the NVC and thus to be able to more easily establish a connection with his counterpart.

As an attitude for empathic listening, Rosenberg recommends filtering out these four pieces of information from what the other person says, as they usually represent the heart of the message. To check whether his interpretation is correct, the listener can offer what he hears in the form of the four steps ("Do you feel ... because ... is important to you?"). This can also be helpful if the speaker himself gains more clarity about what he actually wants to express through this mirroring. Pronounced and silent empathic listening is an essential aspect of using NVC.

According to Rosenberg, the formal basic model is a kind of transitional aid for training attention, but not a substitute for everyday language. It usually takes considerable practice to become fluent in NVC in everyday language.

When a problem-solving in conversation is not possible and leads to the setting of boundaries, Rosenberg speaks of the protective application of power, which he distinguishes from the punitive application. While the latter focuses on changing human behavior on the basis of self-hatred, the former is about preventing further injuries and providing protection from which the willingness to make contact again can arise in the first place.

Basic model in an example

Formal non-violent communication, alienating communication and a possible empathic reaction to it using the example of a dirty shared kitchen.

  Nonviolent Communication Communication alienating life Empathic reaction to alienating communication
observation Concrete actions that we observe and that affect our well-being.
  • “In the last week you put your dishes on the sink three times after you ate, and they stayed there until morning. Then I rinsed it off. "
 Observation and evaluation are mixed up.
  • "You are totally sloppy in the kitchen!"
 "Have you repeatedly found dirty dishes?"
feeling The feelings are associated with what we observe.
  • "I am frustrated …"
 No explanation of the connection between the situation and the feeling, but rather: An interpretation is expressed as a feeling. Assignments of blame, allegations, generalizations.
  • "I feel provoked, you don't really care that there's such a mess here."
 "Are you frustrated ...?"
desire Needs that give rise to feelings are considered and communicated.
  • "... because when I come into the house I want to find some order that allows me to relax."
 The need is not (clearly) expressed, instead the other is morally condemned.
  • "You are sloppy."
 "... because you want more support?"
You're welcome A specific action is requested - non-compliance is also okay.
  • "Please tell me if you are ready to wash your dishes right after dinner or to look with me for a way to meet both of our needs for order."
 A demand is made. Failure to comply will result in sanctions.
  • "If it's not clean in two weeks, I'll throw your dishes away!"
 "Would you like us to make a specific agreement about the rinsing?"

Limits of the GRP

According to Rosenberg, the most important limit of GRP is the “individual development” of the user, which takes time and energy. For example, certain areas of life can be filled with fear or certain ideas, so that an open discussion of feelings and needs would take a lot of courage. How much willingness the individual has to muster this courage then depends on how he has experienced himself and his needs up to that point, which is a characteristic of general human development. The NVC process itself also takes time and the willingness of a counterpart to invest this time. However, the time, willingness and courage to do so are often only one-sided, especially in power situations.

criticism

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If non-violent communication is seen as a “panacea” for resolving evident conflicts, the method is repeatedly criticized. “While Rosenberg's hints may be helpful for everyday conflicts between individuals and in groups, NVC turns into a farce in the world of work when the necessary attitude is lacking. It is precisely there that a wolf in a giraffe costume quickly emerges behind the supposedly empathetic shell, ”writes Sebastian Friedrich in the political monthly newspaper ak , referring to the use of GRP to enforce business demands.

On the other hand, in left-wing groups, the discussion about the "how" often replaces the "what", said Friedrich. “Empathically and non-violently, a debate quickly flares up about how an argument should be discussed.” The method would also be used as an instrument of power; a show of appreciation replaces evaluation . "Everything is considered negotiable, those who are not ready for meta-reflection , are considered unempathetic, even violent, those who make a judgment, who do not permanently point out that he or she is now speaking from a purely subjective perspective, who does not speak every second sentence with 'mine According to opinion 'or' I have the feeling that 'introduces him, he is prescribed tuition in NVC. "

Alternative terms

Marcelle Bélanger, trainer in Quebec, prefers to speak of “conscious communication”, which better reflects the concept behind it. In your opinion, the term "non-violent communication" is inappropriate:

“When you hear 'non-violent communication', people feel personally attacked, as if they were accused of violence! It's not good for communicating. "

Also, some people who question the term “nonviolent communication” prefer to call it “what it is” rather than “what it is not”, and therefore like to use terms like “assertive, appreciative or effective communication ”, the idea being to direct the NVC's intention to what it promotes rather than what it does not want to promote.

See also

literature

  • Marshall B. Rosenberg: Nonviolent Communication, A Language of Life, 3rd Edition , PuddleDancer Press, Encinitas CA 2015, ISBN 978-1892005281 .
  • Andreas Basu, Liane Faust: Nonviolent Communication. 2nd edition, Haufe, Freiburg 2013, ISBN 978-3-648-04700-2 .
  • Klaus-Dieter Gens: One hears better with the heart. Invitation to nonviolent communication. Junfermann , Paderborn 2007, ISBN 978-3-87387-667-5 .
  • Karoline I. Bitschnau: Nonviolent communication as a relational and social competence. Empirical study on the quality of interpersonal communication, dissertation University of Innsbruck 2007.

Footnotes

  1. ↑ Marshall B. Rosenberg, “Nonviolent Communication”, (2012), pp. 171 ff.
  2. ↑ Empathy in the communication of conflict enjoyment (PDF download 464KB)
  3. ↑ a b Simone Emmert: Peace Language and Peace Education . In: Peter Becker, Reiner Braun & Dieter Deiseroth (eds.): Peace through law? Berliner Wissenschaftsverlag, Berlin 2010, p. 412 ( limited preview in Google Book search).
  4. ^ A b Marshall B. Rosenberg: Nonviolent Communication. A language of life . Junfermann, Paderborn 2009, ISBN 978-3-87387-454-1 , p. 99 .
  5. ^ Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication. A language of life, Junfermann, 10th edition 2012, pp. 37–38
  6. ↑ For further explanations see, for example, Introduction to GfK
  7. ^ A b Sebastian Friedrich: Lexicon of the performance society # 24: Nonviolent communication . Ed .: analysis & criticism. No. 612 , January 19, 2016, p. 2 .
  8. ↑ Le Devoir | Nouvelles, actualités, politique, culture et chroniques. April 7, 2007, accessed February 22, 2019 (French).