Nina de Vries

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Nina de Vries (2015)

Nina de Vries (born January 21, 1961 in IJmuiden , Netherlands ) is a Dutch sexual assistant who has lived and worked in Germany since 1990. She differentiates between the terms sexual assistance and surrogate partnership , which are commonly used synonymously. Over the years, she has shifted the focus of her work to working with severely disabled people and the training and further education of sex assistants. In addition, she looks after facilities for elderly care as well as those in which people with various types of disabilities have found a new home.

Career

Nina de Vries is the child of politically active parents. Early on it was Amnesty International a term and anti-war demonstrations familiar. Her father was a teacher, her mother a housewife. Her mother took her own life when de Vries was 16 years old - a "moment that decisively shaped the way she lived". She was 17 years old and lost her balance due to the death of her mother when she saw a report on Dutch television about the so-called "sex helpers" there. It reminded her deeply of those clowns who, among other things, try to bring a little joy to terminally ill children on their way to death. Little did she suspect, however, that this encounter with people who fearlessly confront the hopelessness and despair of their fellow human beings would set the course for themselves: that they would become a fighter for the sexual self-determination of those who cannot help themselves.

Nina de Vries went to school in Amersfoort . She graduated from high school in 1979 in Arnhem and then studied social work in Leeuwarden . For a few years she lived in a Buddhist-oriented living and working community, but later abandoned her interest in this kind of spirituality. Nevertheless, Buddhist elements still flow into her work to this day. While still in the Netherlands, she trained in bodywork and sex education.

In 1990 Nina de Vries first moved to Berlin and later to Potsdam . Since then she has lived and worked there, when her support is not needed elsewhere. At first she was artistically active, among other things in the field of graphics and sculpture . In 1992 she started working as a teacher in a rehabilitation center and worked there for a year. This was the first time she came into contact with disabled people .

Act

Nina de Vries is considered a "pioneer of sexual assistance". At the end of the 1990s she started working as a sexual assistant and has continued her education ever since. But the most important teachers to her are those who make use of her services.

“When I meet my clients, I want to get to know them. I don't want to perceive and pity them as affected, but to meet them on an equal footing. [...] These many inclusion efforts that are emerging now arise partly out of pity and a guilty conscience. You have to drive around in a wheelchair for a day, then you will notice where we really stand socially. "

- Nina de Vries : Berlin newspaper

De Vries now works primarily with people with multiple disabilities, autistic people and people with significant cognitive or dementia disorders . In addition, she is involved in training to get quality standards off the ground. Flexibility, sensitivity, respect and truthfulness are essential for her. Among other things, in 2004 she trained ten sex therapists of both sexes for half a year on behalf of the Specialized Body for Disability and Sexuality (FABS) in Basel . In addition, she offers coaching for organizations that are committed to the sexual self-determination of people.

De Vries is regularly asked by various institutions for lectures or workshops on the topics of sexuality and disability or sexuality and age . Scientific societies engage them, as do dormitories for the disabled or elderly care institutions that are beginning to approach this largely taboo topic. Your clients are preferably located in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. She gave an interview at the 4th Elderly Care Congress in 2010, which has since been available on YouTube.

When she started her work in sexual assistance and advanced training , she was “surprised by the response in Germany, because people in the Netherlands are more open about it. Sex helpers have been active there since the 1970s. It is taboo here to this day. ”Also in Germany, unlike in the Netherlands,“ very few questions are asked ”. That is starting to change. The Federal Center for Health Education (BZgA) is funding a research project that, under the direction of Sven Jennessen from the University of Koblenz-Landau, in cooperation with the Catholic University of North Rhine-Westphalia and the Evangelical University of Applied Sciences in Bochum, investigates the question of “how disabled people in residential facilities their sexual self-determination can be supported ”.

Sexual assistance

The effort to provide assistance for people who need concrete help with their sexuality due to various impairments has resulted in a job profile that de Vries calls sexual accompaniment or sexual assistance . At the Integra trade fair for care, therapy and rehabilitation in Wels (Austria) , where she presented her training concept, she gave a definition for this profession:

“Sexual companions are women and men who, out of a healthy and conscious motivation, offer people with a physical, emotional / psychological or mental impairment / disability assistance to experience their sexuality and make this their job. They enable people who, due to their situation (e.g. illness, accident, biography) need a cautious, creative approach in the field of sexuality, an intimate, sensual and erotic experience and convey a positive body feeling. [...] You respect people with disabilities as equals. "

- Nina de Vries : lecture

Sexual assistance is an "opportunity to experience". De Vries summarizes her job description with this simple formula. With the assistance, a paid sexual service is offered, similar to prostitution. However, the attitude with which this service is provided is different and, if possible, help is sought for self-help. In contrast to prostitution, sexual assistance requires intensive relationship work not only with the clientele, but also with the people who look after them. This creates special conditions for this profession and should be taken into account accordingly in the training. For the first time, de Vries trained sexual assistants in 2002 at the Institute for Self-Determination of the Disabled (ISBB) .

“Some of her colleagues call themselves a toucher, that sounds more poetic, less like prostitution. Nina de Vries is not afraid of this. 'What I do is a sexual service just like prostitution, although there are of course differences. I'm nothing better, 'she says. The deep conviction that she is nothing better is something like the cornerstone of her work, also in dealing with her clients. "

- Jörg Böckem : Spiegel Online

De Vries sees the difference between sexual assistance and surrogate partnership on different levels. On the one hand, in their understanding, a sexual assistant does not make himself available to his client as a "substitute partner", but rather enters into a very personal, individually designed relationship. It is different from a love affair. Nina de Vries calls this an “encounter” - with people “who are not calculating because they cannot be calculating”. On the other hand, the sexual assistance does not pursue any therapeutic goals, but wants to help people to sexual self-determination who cannot find their way there without help.

The focus is on the self-determination of their clientele. “If someone just wants my hand on their stomach for an hour, that's okay too. For an autistic person it can be a great achievement to let that happen! "

Fonts

  • Nina de Vries: Live pleasure instead of creating suffering - sexual assistance for people with a disability . In: Bundesverband evangelische Behindertenhilfe (Ed.): Orientation . "Stately, magnificent, strongly moved" - full of pride and passion, No. 2 , 2009 ( beb-orientierung.de [accessed on November 10, 2016]).
  • Participation in: Ingrid Ewering, Silvia Gartinger, Anke Hennig, Jörg Hinderberger, Ulrike Jocham, Corina Rott-König, Christoph Schmidt: Shaping curative care in special life situations . In: Jeanne Nicklas-Faust, Ruth Scharringhausen (Hrsg.): Heilerziehungspflege . tape 2 . Cornelsen, Berlin 2011, ISBN 978-3-06-450304-5 ( cornelsen.de ).

Web links

Individual evidence

  1. ↑ a b c d Jörg Böckem: Sex services in the nursing home. The pioneer . In: Spiegel Online . February 23, 2010 ( spiegel.de [accessed November 9, 2016]).
  2. ↑ Claudia Becker: Frau de Vries explains how masturbation works. In: World N24. December 3, 2012, accessed November 10, 2016 .
  3. ↑ a b c d David Sarkar: Interview with sex educator Nina de Vries. How 'sex helpers' give tenderness to disabled people . In: Berliner Zeitung . July 10, 2015 ( berliner-zeitung.de [accessed November 8, 2016]).
  4. ^ Nina de Vries: Person and professional career. Retrieved September 6, 2016 .
  5. ^ Jörg Böckem: Sex services in the nursing home. The pioneer . In: Spiegel Online . February 23, 2010 ( spiegel.de [accessed on November 9, 2016]): "Your clients are people with severe physical and psychological impairments, severely and multiply disabled people, as a rule they are men."
  6. ↑ Nina de Vries. (PDF; 67 kB) Government of Lower Franconia, accessed on November 9, 2016 .
  7. ↑ For example Nessita. Eroticism in old age. (No longer available online.) Archived from the original on December 20, 2016 ; accessed on November 10, 2016 .
  8. ↑ Annegret Himrich: Ways out of emotional distress . In: Health and Society . Special. No. 2 , 2016, p. 13 ( ninadevries.com [PDF; 100 kB ; accessed on November 10, 2016]): “Most nurses were not adequately prepared for the topic in their training. However, in order to be able to react appropriately, they need clear guidelines and training. Nina de Vries' work therefore often starts with a workshop for the employees. In this way they can get to know the profession of sex assistant, ask questions, express doubts, fears and prejudices. Because sexuality is still a taboo for disabled people or people with dementia. Quite different in neighboring Denmark. There, carers must ensure that the people entrusted to them can live their sexuality independently, for example through sexual assistance. "
  9. ^ Government of Lower Franconia: Specialist conference for disabled people 2016 in Maria Bildhausen. “Secrecies” - against the grain, across the home ... (No longer available online.) Archived from the original on September 13, 2016 ; accessed on September 6, 2016 .
  10. ↑ Interview with the sexual assistant Nina de Vries - Social Welfare Congress 2010 on YouTube
  11. ↑ Christian Steinmüller: Sex with a disability . In: pharmacies look around . July 27, 2015 ( apotheken-umschau.de [accessed November 10, 2016]). Sex with disabilities ( Memento from November 10, 2016 in the Internet Archive )
  12. ↑ Integra Messe. (No longer available online.) Archived from the original on May 16, 2016 ; accessed on September 6, 2016 .
  13. ↑ The term “healthy” changed to “transparent” in 2016:
    Nina de Vries: Lust instead of frustration ... ?! (PDF; 944 kB) In: Specialist conference for disabled people 2016 in Maria Bildhausen. 'Secrets' - against the grain, across the home ... Government of Lower Franconia, 2016, p. 75 , accessed on December 5, 2016 .
  14. ↑ Lecture at Integra - Trade Fair for Care, Therapy and Rehabilitation in Wels, Austria ( Memento from September 13, 2016 in the Internet Archive ) by Nina de Vries, September 2006, accessed on September 6, 2016 (PDF; 128 kB).
  15. ^ ISBB Trebel. Website. Retrieved November 10, 2016 .
  16. ↑ a b Ariane Lemme: “They're actually just like me” . In: taz . December 3, 2009 ( taz.de [accessed November 10, 2016]).
  17. ↑ Beatrix Fricke: Tenderness to order. In: Berliner Morgenpost. October 1, 2011, accessed November 10, 2016 .
personal data
SURNAME Vries, Nina de
BRIEF DESCRIPTION Dutch sex assistant
DATE OF BIRTH January 21, 1961
PLACE OF BIRTH IJmuiden , Netherlands