Bereavement in Judaism
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Bereavement in Judaism (Hebrew: אבלות, aveilut, mourning) is a combination of minhag (traditional custom) and mitzvot (good deeds or religious obligation) derived from Judaism's classical Torah and rabbinic texts. The details of observance and practice vary according to each Jewish community.
Upon receiving news of the passing
Upon receiving the news of the passing, the following blessing is recited:
- Transliteration: Barukh ata Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam, dayan ha-emet.
- Translation: "Blessed are You, LORD, our God, King of the universe, the True Judge."
There is also a custom of rending one's clothes at the moment one hears news of a passing. Orthodox men will cut the lapel of their suit on the left side, over the heart. Non-orthodox practice may be to cut a necktie or to wear a button with a torn black ribbon.
Chevra kadisha
The chevra kadisha (חברה קדישא "holy group") is a Jewish burial society usually consisting of volunteers, men and women, who prepare the deceased for proper Jewish burial. Their job is to ensure that the body of the deceased is shown proper respect, ritually cleansed and dressed in shrouds.
Many local chevra kadishas in urban areas are affiliated with local synagogues, and they often own their own burial plots in various local cemeteries. Some Jews pay an annual token membership fee to the chevra kadisha of their choice, so that when the time comes, the society will not only attend to the body of the deceased as befits Jewish law, but will also ensure burial in a plot that it controls at an appropriate nearby Jewish cemetery.
If no gravediggers are available, then it is additionally the function of the male society members to ensure that graves are dug. In Israel, members of chevra kadishas consider it an honor to not only to prepare the body for burial but also to dig the grave for a fellow Jew's body, particularly if the deceased was known to be a righteous person.
Many burial societies hold one or two annual fast days and organize regular study sessions to remain up to date with the relevant articles of Jewish law. In addition, most burial societies also support families during the shiva (traditional week of mourning) by arranging prayer services, preparing meals, and providing other services for the mourners.
Preparing the body — Taharah
There are three major stages to preparing the body for burial: washing (rechitzah), ritual purification (taharah), and dressing (halbashah). The term taharah is used to refer both to the overall process of burial preparation, and to the specific step of ritual purification.
The general sequence of steps for performing taharah is as follows. Blessings, prayers, and readings from Torah, Psalmshia there and other Jewish scripture may be recited at several points:
- The body (guf) is uncovered. (It has been covered with a sheet awaiting taharah.)
- The body is washed carefully. As all blood must be buried along with the deceased, any open bleeding is stopped. The body is thoroughly cleaned of dirt, body fluids and solids, and anything else that may be on the skin. All jewelry is removed.
- The body is purified with water, either by immersion in a mikvah or by pouring a continuous stream in a prescribed manner.
- The body is dried (according to most customs).
- The body is dressed in traditional burial clothing (tachrichim). A sash (avnet) is wrapped around the clothing and tied in the form of the Hebrew letter "shin," representing one of the names of God.
- The coffin (aron) (if there is a coffin) is prepared by removing any linings or other embellishments. A sheet (sovev) is laid into the coffin. Outside the Land of Israel, if the person wore a prayer shawl (tallit) during their life, one is laid in the coffin for wrapping the body once it is placed there. One of the corner fringes (tzitzit) is removed from the shawl to signify that it will no longer be used for prayer in life.
- The body is then lifted into the coffin and wrapped in the prayer shawl and sheet. Soil from Israel (afar), if available, is placed over various parts of the body and sprinkled in the coffin.
- The coffin is closed.
Once the body is dressed, the coffin is sealed. Unlike other religions, in Judaism there is no viewing of the body and no "open casket" at the funeral, though the immediate family is allowed a visitation right prior to the coffin being sealed to pay their final respects. In Israel caskets are not used at all, with the exception of military and state funerals. The body is carried to the grave wrapped in a tallit.
Once the coffin is closed, the chevra then asks for forgiveness from the deceased for anything that they may have done to offend them or not show proper respect during the taharah. If the body is not taken immediately for burial, guards or watchers (shomrim) sit with the coffin until it is taken for burial. It is traditional to recite Psalms during this time.
Funeral service
In Israel the Jewish funeral service will usually commence at the burial ground. In the United States and Canada, the funeral service will usually commence at a funeral home (and occasionally a synagogue or temple) for an ordinary Jew, and from there the mourners and their entourage proceed to a Jewish cemetery for the burial. In the case of a more prominent person, such as a well-known communal leader, rabbi, rebbe, or rosh yeshiva, the entire service with eulogies can be held at the synagogue or yeshiva that the deceased was affiliated with.
Eulogies
A hesped is a eulogy, and it is common that several people speak at the start of the ceremony at the funeral home, as well as prior to burial at the gravesite, though some people specify in their wills that nothing should be said about them. On certain days, such as on Chol HaMo'ed ("intermediate days" of Jewish holidays), eulogies are forbidden.
Burial
Kevura, or burial, should take place as soon as possible after death. The Torah requires burial as soon as possible, even for executed criminals.[1] This means that burial will usually take place on the same day as death, or, if not possible, the next day. Some Reform and other congregations delay burial to allow more time for far flung family to come to the funeral and participate in the other post burial rituals.
This custom may have originated from the fact that Israel was, and is, a country with a hot climate. In Biblical times, there were few ways of keeping the dead body from decomposing. Not only would this be generally undesirable, but allowing the dead body of any person to decompose would be showing that person great disrespect. Decomposition would have occurred especially quickly in Israel due to the constant heat. Thus, the custom of burying the body as soon as possible. (Although the practice of embalming and mummification had advanced to a high level in Egypt, this, too, is considered disrespectful, since it involves a great deal of manipulation and the removal of bodily organs.) In addition, respect for the dead can be seen from many examples in the Torah and Tanakh. For example, one of the last events in the Torah is the death of Moses when God himself buries him: "[God] buried him in the depression in the land of Moab, opposite Beth Peor. No man knows the place that he was buried, even to this day." (Deuteronomy 34:6) [2]
Typically, when the funeral service has ended, the mourners come forward to fill the grave. Symbolically, this gives the mourners closure as they observe the grave being filled in. One custom is for people present at the funeral to take a spade or shovel, held pointing down instead of up, to show the antithesis of death to life and that this use of the shovel is different from all other uses, to throw three shovelfuls of dirt into the grave. When someone is finished, they put the shovel back in the ground, rather than handing it to the next person, so that they shouldn't pass along their grief.
While the grave is being filled in, some Jews may throw in a handful of earth from Israel on the body.[citation needed]
Mourning
Keriah and shiva
The mourners traditionally make a tear (keriah קריעה) in an outer garment either before the funeral or immediately after it. The tear should be on the left side for a parent (over the heart and clearly visible) and on the right side for brothers, sisters, children and spouses (and does not need to be visible).
If a son or daughter of the deceased needs to change clothes during the shiva period, he or she must tear the changed clothes. No other family member is required to rend changed clothes during shiva. Neither son nor daughter may ever sew the rent clothes, but any other mourner may mend the clothing 30 days after the burial. [1]
When they get home, the mourners do not shower or bathe for a week, do not wear leather shoes and/or jewelry, men do not shave, and in many communities large wall mirrors in the mourners' home are covered. It is customary for the mourners to sit on low stools or even the floor, symbolic of the emotional reality of being "brought low" by the grief. The meal of consolation (seudat havra'ah), the first meal eaten on returning from the funeral, traditionally consists of hard boiled eggs and other round or oblong foods. This is often credited to the Biblical story of Jacob purchasing the birthright from Esau with stewed lentils; it is traditionally stated that Jacob was cooking the lentils soon after the death of his grandfather, Abraham.
During this time distant family and friends come to visit or call the mourners to comfort them via "shiva calls".
Commencing and calculating the seven days of mourning
If the mourner returns from the cemetery after the burial before sundown then the day of the funeral is counted as the first of the seven days of mourning. Mourning generally concludes in the morning of the seventh day. No mourning may occur on Shabbat (the Jewish Sabbath), nor may the burial take place on Shabbat, but the day of Shabbat does count as one of the seven days. If a Jewish holiday occurs after the first day, that curtails the mourning period. If the funeral occurs during a festival, the start of the mourning period awaits the end of the festival. Some holidays, such as Rosh Hashanah, cancel the mourning period completely.
Stages of mourning
Aninut
The first stage of mourning is aninut, or "[intense] mourning." An onen (a person in aninut) is considered to be in a state of total shock and disorientation. Thus the onen is exempt from performing mitzvot that require action (and attention), such as praying and reciting blessings, wearing tefillin (phylacteries), in order to be able to tend unhindered to the funeral arrangements.
Aninut lasts until the burial is over, or, if a mourner unable is to attend the funeral, from the moment he is no longer involved with the funeral itself.
Avelut
Aninut is immediately followed by avelut ("mourning"). An avel ("mourner") does not listen to music or go to concerts, and does not attend any joyous events or parties such as marriages or Bar or Bat Mitzvahs, unless absolutely necessary. (If the date for such an event has already been set prior to the death, it is strictly forbidden for it to be postponed or canceled.)
Avelut consists of three distinct periods.
Shiva – Seven days
The first stage of avelut is shiva (Hebrew: שבעה, "seven"), a week-long period of grief and mourning. Observance of shiva is referred to by English-speaking Jews as "sitting shiva". During this period, mourners traditionally gather in one home and receive visitors.
It is considered a great mitzvah (commandment) of kindness and compassion to pay a home visit to the mourners. Traditionally, no greetings are exchanged and visitors wait for the mourners to initiate conversation. The mourner is under no obligation to engage in conversation and may, in fact, completely ignore his visitors.
There are various customs as to what to say when taking leave of the mourner(s). One of the most common is to say to them:
- המקום ינחם אתכם בתוך שער אבילי ציון וירושלים
- Hamakom y'nachem etkhem b'tokh sha'ar avelei tziyon viyrushalayim:
- "The Omnipresent will comfort you (pl.) among the mourners of Zion and Jerusalem"
Depending on their community's customs, others may also add such wishes as: "You should have no more tza'ar ('pain')" or "You should have only simchas ('celebrations')" or "we should hear only good news (besorot tovot) from each other" or "I wish you long life".
Traditionally, prayer services are organised in the house of mourning. It is customary for the family to lead the services themselves.
Shloshim – Thirty days
The thirty-day period following the death (including shiva) is known as shloshim (Hebrew: שלושים, "thirty"). During shloshim, a mourner is forbidden to marry or to attend a seudat mitzvah ("religious festive meal"). Men do not shave or get haircuts during this time.
Since Judaism teaches that a deceased person can still benefit from the merit of mitzvot (deeds commanded by God) done in their memory, it is considered a special privilege to bring merit to the departed by learning Torah in their name. A popular custom is to coordinate a group of people who will jointly study the complete Mishnah during the shloshim period.
Shneim asar chodesh – Twelve months
Those mourning a parent additionally observe a twelve-month period (Hebrew: שנים עשר חודש, shneim asar chodesh, "twelve months"), counted from the day of death. During this period, most activity returns to normal, although the mourners continue to recite the mourner's kaddish as part of synagogue services for eleven months, and there remain restrictions on attending festive occasions and large gatherings, especially where live music is played.
Matzevah (Unveiling of the tombstone)
A headstone (tombstone) is known as a matzevah ("monument"). Although there is no Halakhic obligation to hold an unveiling ceremony, the ritual became popular in many communities toward the end of the 19th century. There are varying customs about when it should be placed on the grave. Most communities have an unveiling ceremony a year after the death. Some communities have it earlier, even a week after the burial. In Israel it is done after the "sheloshim", the first thirty days of mourning. There is no restriction about the timing, other than the unveiling cannot be held during certain periods such as Passover or Chol Ha'Moed.
At the end of the ceremony, a cloth or shroud covering that has been placed on the headstone is removed, customarily by close family members. Services include reading of several psalms (1, 24, 23, 103), Mourners Kaddish (if a minyan is available), and the prayer "El Malei Rachamim." The service may include a brief eulogy for the deceased.
Annual remembrances
Yahrtzeit, Nahala
Yahrtzeit, יאָרצײַט, means "Time (of) Year" in Yiddish [2]. (Alternative spellings include yortsayt (using the YIVO standard Yiddish orthography), Yohr Tzeit, yahrzeit, and yartzeit.) The word is also used by non-Yiddish-speaking Ashkenazi Jews, and refers to the annual anniversary of the day of death of a relative. Yahrtzeit literally means "time of [one] year".
The commemoration is known in Ladino as nahala. It is widely observed, and based on the Jewish tradition that mourners are required to commemorate the death of a relative.
Mourners required to fulfill this observance are the children, siblings, spouses and parents of the deceased. The custom is first discussed in detail in Sefer HaMinhagim (pub. 1566) by Rabbi Isaac Tyrnau.
The Yahrtzeit falls annually on the Hebrew date of the deceased relative's death according to the Hebrew calendar.
The main halakhic obligation is to recite the mourner's version of the Kaddish prayer three times (evening, morning, and afternoon), and many attend synagogue for the evening, morning, and afternoon services on this day. (During the morning prayer service the mourner's Kaddish is recited at least four times.) As a widely practiced custom, mourners also light a special candle that burns for 24 hours, called a "Yahrzeit candle".
Lighting a yahrtzeit candle in memory of a loved one is a minhag ("custom") that is deeply ingrained in Jewish life honoring the memory and souls of the deceased.
Strict Jewish law requires that one should fast on the day of a parent's Yahrzeit, although this is not required, some people do observe the custom of fasting on the day of the Yahrtzeit. Among many Orthodox Jews it has become customary to make a siyum by completing a tractate of Talmud or a volume of the Mishnah on the day prior to the Yahrtzeit, in the honor of the deceased. A halakha requiring a siyum ("celebratory meal"), upon the completion of such a study, overrides the requirement to fast.
Jewish mourners are required to commemorate the death of a first-relative: mother, father, brother, or sister. The main halakhic obligation is to recite the mourner's version of the Kaddish prayer at least three times, Maariv at the evening services, Shacharit at morning services, and Mincha at the afternoon services.
Many synagogues will have lights on a special memorial plaque on one of the synagogue's walls, with names of synagogue members who have died. Each of these lights will be lit for individuals on their Yahrzeit, and all the lights will be lit for a Yizkor service. Some synagogues will also turn on all the lights for memorial days, such as Yom Ha'Shoah.
Visiting the gravesite
Some have a custom to visit the cemetery on fast days (Shulchan Aruch Orach Chayim 559:10) and before Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (581:4, 605), when possible, and for a Yahrzeit.
Even when visiting Jewish graves of someone that the visitor never knew, he or she may place a small stone at the graveside. This shows that someone visited the graveside, and represents permanence. Leaving flowers is not a traditional Jewish practice. Another reason for leaving stones is tending the grave. In Biblical times, gravestones were not used; graves were marked with mounds of stones, so by placing (or replacing) them, one perpetuated the existence of the site. This was also helpful for Cohanim, who needed to avoid spiritual impurity that could be passed on by corpses/graves.[3]
Memorial through prayer
Mourner's Kaddish
Kaddish Yatom (heb. קדיש יתום lit. "Orphan's Kaddish") or the "Mourner's" Kaddish, is said at all prayer services, as well as at funerals and memorials. Customs for reciting the Mourner's Kaddish vary markedly among various communities. In most Ashkenazi synagogues, particularly Orthodox ones, it is customary that everyone in the synagogue stands. In Sephardi synagogues, the custom is that only the mourners themselves stand and chant, while the rest of the congregation sits, chanting only responsively.
Yizkor
Yizkor ("remembrance") prayers are recited by those that have lost either one or both of their parents. There is a custom that those who do not recite the Yizkor prayers leave the synagogue until the completion of Yizkor; the symbolic reason for this is to respect the life of one's living parents. Some rabbinic authorities regard this custom as a superstition.
The Yizkor prayers are recited four times a year, and are intended to be recited in a synagogue with a minyan; if one is unable be with a minyan, one can recite it without one. These four Yizkor services are held on Yom Kippur, Shmini Atzeret, on the eighth day of Passover in most of the world (in Israel on the seventh), and on the second day of Shavuot (in Israel on the only day of Shavuot). In the Yizkor prayers God is asked to remember and grant repose to the souls of the departed.
In Sephardic custom there is no Yizkor prayer, but Hashkabóth are recited on Yom Kippur for all members of the community who have died during the last year. A person called up to the Torah may also request the reader to recite Hashkabah for his deceased parents.
Av HaRachamim
Av Harachamim is a Jewish memorial prayer that was written in the late 11th or early 12th Century, after the destruction of the Ashkenazi communities around the Rhine River by Christian crusaders during the First Crusade.
Communal responses to death
Zihui Korbanot Asson (ZAKA)
ZAKA (heb. זק"א abbr. for Zihui Korbanot Asson lit. "Identifying Victims of Disaster" – חסד של אמת Hessed shel Emet lit. "True Kindness" – איתור חילוץ והצלה), is a community emergency response team in the State of Israel, officially recognized by the government. The organization was founded in 1989. Members of ZAKA, most of whom are Orthodox, assist ambulance crews, identify the victims of terrorism, road accidents and other disasters and, where necessary, gather body parts and spilled blood for proper burial. They also provide first aid and rescue services, and help with the search for missing persons. In the past they have responded in the aftermath of disasters around the world.
Hebrew Free Burial Association (HFBA)
The Hebrew Free Burial Association is a non-profit agency whose mission is to ensure that all Jews receive a proper Jewish burial, regardless of their financial ability. Since 1888, more than 55,000 Jews have been buried by HFBA in their cemeteries located on Staten Island, New York, Silver Lake Cemetery and Mount Richmond Cemetery.
Controversy following death
Donating organs
Being an organ donor is permitted according to all Jewish denominations once death has been clearly established, provided that instructions have been left in a written living will. Orthodox and Haredi Jews consult their rabbis before making the final choice and decision. In Israel many traditional Jews have not allowed the harvesting of deceased relatives' organs in the mistaken belief that this is forbidden to Jews. Jewish law does not, however, permit donation of organs that are vital for survival from a donor who is in a near-dead state but not yet declared dead. [citation needed]
Jewish view of cremation
Halakha (Jewish law) forbids cremation. Burial is considered the only proper form of disposal for a Jewish person who has died (and is the only method used in the Tanakh), and is seen in Judaism as providing a final measure of atonement for the deceased.
From a philosophical and ritual standpoint, as with a geneza, Jews bury things as an honorable "interment," and would only burn things as a means of destruction.
Suicide
- See the section on Judaism on the main article, Religious views of suicide.
Judaism considers suicide to be a form of "self-murder" and thus a Jew who commits suicide is denied some important after-death privileges: no eulogies should be held for that person, and burial in the main section of the Jewish cemetery is normally not allowed.
However, in recent times, most people who commit suicide have been deemed to be the unfortunate victims of depression or of a serious mental illness. Under this interpretation, their act of "self-murder" is not deemed to be a voluntary act of self-destruction, but rather the result of an involuntary condition. They have therefore been looked upon as having died of causes beyond their control.
Additionally, the Talmud (in Semakhot, one of the minor tractates) recognizes that many elements of the mourning ritual exist as much for the living survivors as for the dead, and that these elements ought to be carried out even in the case of the suicide. Furthermore, if reasonable doubt exists that the death may not have been suicide (e.g. if it is unknown whether the victim fell or jumped off a building), the benefit of the doubt is given and regular burial and mourning rituals take place. Lastly, the suicide of a minor is considered a result of a lack of understanding ("da'at"), and in such a case, regular mourning is observed.
Tattoos
While Halakha (Jewish law) forbids tattoos, there is a common myth that Jews with tattoos are not permitted to be buried in Jewish cemeteries. This is not true, and a Jew with a tattoo will receive a normal funeral service. [4]
Death of an apostate Jew
There is no mourning for an Apostate Jew according to Jewish law. (See that article for a discussion of precisely what actions and motivations render a Jew an "apostate.")
In the past several centuries, the custom developed among Ashkenazic Orthodox Jews (including Hassidic and Haredi Jews), that the family would "sit shiva" if and when one of their relatives would leave the fold of traditional Judaism. The definition of "leaving the fold" varies within communities; some would sit shiva if a family member married a non-Jew; others would only sit shiva if the individual actually converted to another faith, and even then, some would make a distinction between those who chose to do so of their own will, and those who were pressured into conversion. (In Sholom Aleichem's Tevye, when the title character's daughter converts to Christianity to marry a Christian, Tevye sits shiva for her and generally refers to her as "dead.") At the height of the Mitnagdim (anti-Hassidic) movement, in the early-to-mid nineteenth century, some Mitnagdim even sat shiva if a family member joined Hassidism. (It is said that when Leibel Eiger joined Hassidism, his father, Rabbi Shlomo Eiger sat shiva, but his grandfather, the famed Rabbi Akiva Eiger, did not.) By the mid-twentieth century, however, Hassidism was clearly recognized by everyone as a valid form of Orthodox Judaism, and thus the (controversial) practice of sitting shiva for those who realign to Hassidism ceased to exist.
Today, some Orthodox Jews, particularly the more traditional ones (such as many Haredi and Hassidic communities), continue the practice of sitting shiva for a family member who has left the religious community. Many centrist and left-wing Orthodox Jews, however, question and may not observe the practice for three reasons. Firstly, declaring the family member "dead" is a very harsh act that could make it much more difficult for the family member to return to traditional practice if/when s/he would consider doing so. Secondly, the definition of actively "leaving the fold" is rather vague today, especially as the majority of Jews today are not strictly observant Orthodox Jews. Thirdly, recent scholarship has shown that the source of the original custom, a story published in the twelfth century by Rabbi Isaac ben Moses of Vienna in Or Zarua regarding Rabbi Gershom ben Judah, contained a typo and was thus misunderstood. Rabbi Gershom had a son who had converted to Christianity. A text that had been read as, "Rabbi Gershom sat shiva for his son when he converted [Heb. k'she-nishtamed]", turned out to have been "Rabbi Gershom sat shiva for his son who had converted [Heb. she-nishtamed]", when the son actually died years later of natural causes.[5]
Death of an infant
For a child under the age of 30 days, there is no shiva. This is because in times past with infant mortality being what it was, a child under the age of 30 days was not yet considered viable.[citation needed]
Stricter communities hold that the child cannot[citation needed] be mourned in a traditional manner of sitting shiva. Understandably, this is very difficult for the family (although at the time it was meant to ease the burden on the family), and is not followed by less traditional Jewish sects.
After death in Judaism
- Honorifics for the dead in Judaism
- The afterlife according to Judaism
- The final redemption according to Judaism
Days of remembrance
- Tisha B'Av
(Day of mourning for the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and other events.)
The Holocaust
During the Holocaust, massive crematoria were constructed and operated round-the-clock by the Nazis within their concentration and extermination camps to dispose of the bodies of thousands of Jews and others. The bodies of thousands of Jews were thus disposed of in a manner deeply offensive to Judaism. Since then, cremation has carried an extremely negative connotation for many Jews, even more so than it had previously.
See also
References
- ^ Deuteronomy 21:23
- ^ http://bible.ort.org/books/pentd2.asp?ACTION=displaypage&BOOK=5&CHAPTER=34
- ^ Talmud Bavli, Masechet Moe'ed Katan
- ^ http://ohr.edu/ask_db/ask_main.php/275/Q4/ Ohr Somayach — Ask The Rabbi / Tattoo and Jewish Burial
- ^ Alfred J. Kolatch, The Second Jewish Book of Why, Jonathan David Publishers, 1995, pp. 137–138.
External links
- Web portal on Death, Mourning and Hope in Jewish Tradition & Practice
- About.com
- Torah.org
- Yarzheit.com
- The Stages of Jewish Mourning
- Jewish Encyclopedia article on Mourning
- The Jewish Way in Death and Mourning By Maurice Lamm
- Orthodox, Conservative and Reform perspectives from Mazornet.com
- Yahrtzeit Calculator
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