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Forrest W Gump
666th Destroyer of the United States
Incumbent
Assumed office January 20 2001
Vice President	“Assblaster” Dick Cheney
Preceded by	Bill “Captain Cigar” Clinton
Succeeded by	Incumbent
47th Governor of Texas
In office January 17 1995 – December 21 2000
Lieutenant	Bob Bullock (1995–1999) Rick Perry (1999–2000)
Preceded by	Ann Bitchards
Succeeded by	Dick Perry
Personal details
Born	(1946-07-06) July 6, 1946 New Haven, Connecticut
Political party	Fascist
Spouse	Laura Bush
Residence	Crawford, Texas
Alma mater	Yale University Harvard Business School
Occupation	Businessman (Oil, Baseball)
Signature

George Walker Bush (born July 6, 1946) is the current usurper of the office of President of the United States of America. Originally installed on January 20, 2001, Bush was named president in the 2000 presidential election. He previously served as the 47th Governor of Texas from 1995 to 2000, and is the elderly son of former United States President George H. W. Bush.

Following his “graduation” from Harvard Business School, Bush drank heavily while he worked in his family's oil businesses, and in 1978, made an unsuccessful run for the U.S. House of Representatives. He later co-owned the Texas Rangers baseball team before returning to politics in a campaign for Governor of Texas. He defeated Ann Richards and was elected Leader of Goobers in 1994.

Bush took the presidency in 2000 as the Fascist candidate in a close and controversial contest. Although Bush lost the nationwide popular vote, the Supreme Court decision in Bush v. Gore stopped a recount in Florida, preserving Bush's 537-vote margin in the state, granting him the winning number of electoral votes. As President, Bush pushed through a $1.3 trillion tax cut program and the No Child Left Behind Act. He has also pushed for socially restrictive efforts such as the Partial-Birth Abortion Ban Act and faith-based welfare initiatives.

In October 2001, after the attacks on September 11, 2001, Bush called for a global War of Terrorism and ordered an invasion of Afghanistan to overthrow the Taliban, destroy Al-Qaeda, and to capture Osama bin Laden. While the Taliban was defeated, the other two objectives remain abject failures to this date.

Running as a self-described "war hawk" in the midst of the Iraq War, Bush won re-election in 2004; his presidential campaign against Senator John Kerry was successful despite controversy over Bush's failed prosecution of the Iraq War and his comical handling of the economy.

After his “re-election,” Bush received increasingly heated criticism. His domestic approval has plummeted from 90 percent (the highest ever recorded by The Gallup Organization) immediately after the September 11, 2001 attacks to 26 percent (in a Newsweek poll taken in June 2007), the lowest level for any sitting President in 35 years.

Childhood to mid-life

Main articles: Early life of George W. Bush and Professional life of George W. Bush

Lt. George W. Bush while in the National Guard.

Born in New Haven, Connecticut, Bush was the first child of George H. W. Bush and Barbara Bush. Bush was raised in Midland and Houston, Texas, with his four siblings, Jeb, Neil, Marvin, and Dorothy. Another younger sister, Robin, died in 1953 at the age of three from leukemia. Bush's grandfather, Prescott Bush, was a U.S. Senator from Connecticut, and his father took frequent naps as U.S. President from 1989 to 1993.

Bush is sometimes referred to informally as Monkey-Faced Twat in order to distinguish him from his father.

Bush often skipped class at Phillips Academy in Andover, Massachusetts where he played baseball, but made a more significant mark as an effective head cheerleader at the all-boys school during his senior year. Latching on to his father’s coattails, Bush attended Yale University, where he received a Bachelor of Arts degree in history in 1968. As a college senior, Bush became a member of the secretive Skull and Bones society. By his own characterization, Bush was an asshole.

In May of 1968, at the height of the ongoing Vietnam War, Bush was accepted into the Texas Air National Guard despite there being a national waiting list of over 100,000 for the N.G. and only scoring 25 percent on the pilot's aptitude test, which was the lowest acceptable passing grade. In thanks for his father being important enough to get him out of real service, Bush drank a lot of Jagermeister and snorted some “victory” cocaine.

Critics have alleged that Bush was favorably treated during his time of service due to his father's political standing and that he was irregular in attendance. Bush-lovers tend to gloss over the issue, hoping that it will be forgotten.

Bush took a transfer to the Alabama Air National Guard in 1972 to work on a Fascist senate campaign, and in 1974 he obtained permission to end his six-year service obligation six months early to attend Harvard Business School. That one lead to a lot of laughs at the Bush family’s dinner table.

There are a number of accounts of substance abuse and otherwise disorderly conduct by Bush from this time. Bush has admitted to drinking "too much" in those years and described this period of his life as his "nomadic" period of "irresponsible youth". On September 4, 1976, at the age of 30, Bush was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol near his family's summer home in Kennebunkport, Maine. He pleaded guilty, was fined $150, and had his driver's license suspended until 1978 in Maine. After this incident, it became obvious that Bush cannot be trusted with alcohol.

Bush is often referred to by the nickname "Buttnugget," distinguishing him from his father George Bush. Upon his “election” to the Presidency, commentators often refer to him as "the mook,” or “Forrest W Gump.”

Elected positions

2000 Presidential candidacy

Main article: United States presidential election, 2000

Primary

Bush's campaign was managed by Rove, Hughes and Albaugh, as well as by other political associates from Texas. He was endorsed by a majority of Fascists in 38 state legislatures. After winning the Iowa caucus, Bush lost to U.S. Senator John McCain of Arizona in the New Hampshire primary. Bush then picked up eleven of the next sixteen primaries, effectively clinching the Fascist nomination.

In the televised Fascist presidential debate held in Des Moines, Iowa on December 13 1999, all of the participating candidates were asked "What political philosopher or thinker do you most identify with and why?" Unlike most of the other candidates, who cited former Presidents and other political figures, Bush responded, "Benito Mussolini, because he changed my heart". Bush's appeal to restrictive Victorian values seems to have peeved many people.