Peterson Toscano
Peterson Toscano (* 17th February 1965 in Stamford ( Connecticut )) is an American teacher , playwright and actor. He takes a leading role in the ex-gay survivor movement .
Life
Toscano grew up with two sisters in Lake Huntington, New York . His Roman Catholic parents Pete and Anita with an Italian migration background ran Pete's Pub . Since the beginning of puberty, he had problems with his sexuality. In his eyes it was like this: sex is bad and sex is dirty, gay sex is especially bad and dirty. The revulsion and guilt made him get involved in the Roman Catholic Church and he spent a lot of time there and in the local Roman Catholic Youth Organization (CYO). He saw his devotion as a rebellion against the tepid beliefs of his liberal Italian family and a withdrawal from his sexual desires. At the age of 15 he had a personal religious experience and felt loved and accepted by God. When he shared this experience with two evangelical women who sang at the CYO meetings, they told him he was "born again." Toscano believed her words and in 1982, at the age of 17, switched to the evangelical faith, “because I was looking for religious passion and wanted to belong to an influential community.” He joined the church of the two women, the Gospel Tabernacle from Honesdale, Pennsylvania . This worried his parents more than knowing that their son might be gay.
Until he graduated from school in 1983, he attended the Narrowsburg Central Rural School . He spent the first two years of his studies (1983-85) at Nyack College in Nyack (New York), where he majored in English and Bible studies . In 1985 he worked for the World Radio Missionary Fellowship ( Radio HCJB ) as a medical missionary in Quito , Ecuador , for five months . He then moved to New York City , where he continued his studies at the City College of New York in 1986. He graduated in 1989 with a Bachelor of Arts ( Cum laude ) in English and theater studies . Toscano first worked in alternative education for the Grand Street Settlement and then as a teacher and education director for CASES , an alternative to prison for juvenile offenders. He made his professional acting debut in 1989 in the play Kaspar by Peter Handke in Cafe Bustello . In 1990 he married a woman in New York. In England in 1995 he and his wife prepared for the next station for three months, missionary and program director of a radio station for the British aid organization Christian Vision in Zambia . There he was outed after six months. In 1996 he separated from his wife, lived in England again for three months and then returned to the United States to participate in the ex-gay program Love in Action in Memphis, Tennessee , for two years . He and his wife divorced in 1998. He finally came out in January 1999 and accepted himself as a gay man.
In 1999 he also founded p2son productions and began performing his one-man play Footprints, An Inspirational Comedy , which is based on the poem Footprints in the Sand . On stage, he skilfully changes his posture, facial expressions, voice and accent to portray various characters. In his first play, he portrays the characters Tony Buffusi, Jerry Wayne, Sylvia Goldblum and Basil Huntington poetry, the Bible and other texts as well as through extensive interviews. Other pieces by him are How the Indians Discovered Columbus , The Re-Education of George W. Bush , Legion! , The Golden Apple & the Golden Urn and Queer 101 . He also performed the latter on March 31, 2005 at the International Conference on Language, Literature and Identity at the University of Yaounde in Cameroon .
The one-man satire Doin 'Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House - How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement premiered on February 17, 2003. He works with five characters on his experiences as an ex-gay, especially his time with Love In Action , without preaching, judging or generalizing what other people should or should not do. Another structure of the same topic is called Talking Trash in the Homo No Mo 'Halfway House - Language, Life and Lies in the Ex-Gay Movement . There were international appearances with both programs in Canada , England , Wales , Denmark and Sweden .
Toscano appeared in the films Star Queen - A Star is Bored (2002) and Getting Married? (2001) by Eli Parker. He was also seen in the documentary Fish Can't Fly (2005), which examines the conflict of many lesbians and gays with their beliefs. The title goes back to a comment made by his father (see below). He also appeared in the documentaries For Such a Time as This (2010) and This is What Love in Action Looks Like (2011).
He writes in three blogs in English ( Peterson Toscano's A Musing ), Spanish ( Dos Equis ) and Swedish ( Svensk Spädbarn ) where he talks about his current life, his experiences as an ex-gay, news in the ex-gay movement. Survivors reported. Through his commitment as an ex-gay survivor, newspapers, Internet media, radio and television in the USA, England, Sweden and Germany reported on his fate, views and appearances until the end of 2007. There were reports in the Frankfurter Allgemeine Sonntagszeitung , Maxi , Washington Blade , The New York Times , People and Interviews as well as appearances in Weltspiegel , The Montel Williams Show , Public Radio International , The Tyra Banks Show and The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet .
With Christine Bakke and the technical support of Steve Boese, he launched Beyond Ex-Gay (bXg) for ex-gay survivors on April 2, 2007 . Together with SoulForce and the University of California in Irvine (California) they hosted a conference from June 28th to July 1st, 2007 under the motto Undoing the Damage, Affirming Our Lives Together . At a press conference on June 27, three former leaders of the Exodus International association (Jermey Marks from Courage UK , Michael Bussee, co-founder of Exodus International and Darlene Bogle) publicly apologized for their role in offering and promoting conversion therapies . At the same time an Exodus ex-gay conference was held in the same place.
A Quaker chaplain refers to the non-violent approach in Tuscany's work to show injustice without attacking negatively minded people or opponents.
Peterson currently lives in Hartford, Connecticut , is a member of the Religious Society of Friends ( Quakers ) in West Hartford , has a vegan diet and teaches students in a special skills program at Watkinson School .
Ex-gay experience
Peterson Toscano tried for 17 years with the help of various Christian programs and therapies in three countries (USA, Ecuador, England) on three continents and the use of over 30,000 US dollars to become heterosexual or at least suppress his affection for the same sex. It lasted from 1981 to 1998 until he finally came out.
Since he was 15 he had been sending fervent prayers to God that he would put an end to his homosexual fantasies, but this was not answered. In Ecuador, he also volunteered in the Exodus South America office in Quito, had informal meetings with the President of Exodus, and attended a "psycho-drama" session.
“I discovered the ex-gay movement , which promises that homosexuals can live a gay or lesbian-free life. So I thought that if being gay was a choice, a product of a dysfunctional upbringing in the middle of a lost and dying world, then surely, with the power of God and the guidance of ex-gay ministers, I would vote out gay or at least the right thing choose for a change. "
For two years in New York City he attended the weekly group meetings of the Life Ministries , which were then part of the Exodus International program . Most of the participants at the time came from the entertainment industry.
“My impression was that many of them were trying to get straight for career reasons. But at the weekend a lot of people went back to the gay scene. "
He later sought support in the charismatic part of the Pentecostal movement in which speaking in tongues and healing rituals were practiced, an exception in the program spectrum of the ex-gay movement. He had three exorcism sessions, also called redemption sessions.
"But when one of the preachers took me into her bedroom to drive out the demon of homosexuality by laying on my hands, I had enough"
Toscano then had pastoral support for six years (Gospel Tabernacle, Glory Tabernacle, Times Square Church). During this time he also got to know his future wife and because they both thought God had delivered him, they married in 1990, which is often understood as a healing path. This later turned out to be a mistake
"I only managed to have sexual intercourse with my wife when I thought of sex with men."
Soon he was having homosexual affairs again. He and his wife attended marriage counseling for three to four hours every day for two weeks with Christian counselor Harry W. Schaumburg, who also published the book False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction and who specialized in sex addiction, since homosexuality in ex- The gay area is often viewed as a form of sex addiction. The counseling consisted largely of prayer, readings and talk therapy.
After returning from Zambia, he had weekly meetings with the True Freedom Trust (TFT) advisor in England for three months . In addition, over time he has memorized passages of the Bible in order to replace the supposedly bad gay thoughts with holy ones. He read many books on homosexuality, ex-gay pastoral care, healing, and change, including books by Mario Bergner, Leanne Payne and Andy Cominski. He attended dozens of religious seminars on holiness and Christian following as part of his efforts to become a better Christian so as not to be as dependent on his homosexual sentiments. He also attended Exodus seminars.
But over the years he tried to change, his despair grew. He was filled with shame, self-loathing, felt guilty and sinful, was depressed and thought of suicide.
His last station was Love In Action (LIA) in Memphis (Tennessee) , the largest ministry belonging to the Exodus International Association with a mixed program of pastoral care, self-help, instruction and behavioral training. It was one of the first to offer full-time and long-term programs for gays and lesbians "who feel trapped in sexual sin". Toscano completed the then still existing twelve-step program and her own curriculum Steps Out of Homosexuality . There was training in masculinity, self-discipline and other supposed defenses against homosexual temptation. There was a " football clinic" where you learned how to dress, walk, sit, do your hair, talk and behave so as not to look like the organizers imagined gay behavior. The two years were also subject to very strict rules such as only five verified contacts outside the program, no Calvin Klein underwear and a maximum of 15 minutes in the bathroom so that no one masturbates. What made it all worse was the moral stigma that you couldn't be trusted. In addition, the participants were given a male heterosexual mentor to help them develop a “healthy” relationship with a “normal man”. Various exercises seemed strange to him, but he did not question them because he thought it was God's will and the employees were specialists. During this time he also went to clinical psychologist Duff Wright for about a year for reparative therapy . (His license was revoked in April 2005 for unprofessional, dishonorable and unethical behavior) One of his friends at LIA attempted suicide because he was tired of making mistakes. In the end, the Toscano organizer was so convinced that the president of Love in Action , the former homosexual pastor John Smid, offered him a job in the spring of 1998. Toscano first wanted to prove himself as a heterosexual "outside" and came out in January 1999.
At Love in Action there was also an information day for family and friends. His younger sister later told him that when his parents returned home, they were devastated and were no longer eating properly. You looked bitter and depressed for weeks. She was so concerned that she called LIA and asked what had happened there. However, she then felt frustrated about the lack of concern and understanding from employees. Toscano later apologized to his mother for bringing her to LIA, but even in her last letter to him, she asked herself, as a parent, questions about failure that he knew had come from his time with LIA .
When he became a born again Christian at the age of 17, psychosomatic back problems began as a result of increased internal conflicts. About every six months this led to severe pain, which sometimes lasted for a week. The problem got worse and worse, and in the week before he got married he suffered a very painful herniated disc that began to heal without surgery after six months. After his coming out and after he had worked through the experiences, the back problems disappeared and today he has no more problems, despite unfavorable factors such as many air travel and different places to stay.
He overcame the injuries of the ex-gay times mainly through three things:
- Humor: When he was able to laugh at this time for the first time, he began to conquer the bad experiences.
- Acceptance from others as he is. In the conservative circles in which he moved, he had to display a certain standard behavior; otherwise he risked rejection. He had been expelled from college, churches, and jobs because of his sexual orientation.
- Dealing with his sexual abuse as a child differently: In the ex-gay programs, child abuse is directly linked to homosexuality and therefore he hated being gay, as it was supposedly a direct result of the abuse. He felt anger, shame, and confusion. After separating "being gay" from abuse, he was able to accept himself and find relief from inner pain.
Based on these experiences and through reports from others, he considers the Exodus programs primarily dangerous and believes that they do more harm than good to people struggling with their beliefs and sexual inclinations.
“When people are so desperate for a solution to their problems, they do almost anything. And there are many who hope for a cure for their homosexuality. They believe in everything they are told. With all this fear and shame, you can no longer think clearly. And these people from 'Exodus' act as experts. I also thought: They stand for God, it's like a science, I trust them. "
But he is not angry with the conservative churches because of the ex-gay work. You are not the devil to him. In his opinion, they are misguided and fail to realize the harm they are causing others and themselves.
The title of the film Fish Can't Fly goes back to a comment by his father, which Peterson reproduces in the film and adds a view:
“So my dad says to me,‹ Son, you did your best. Besides, you can't make a fish fly. ›And Dad's right. You can't make a fish fly. But you could chuck a fish across the room, and for a few fleeting moments, it really believes it's flying - until it smashes its head against the wall. "
“So my dad said to me, 'Son, you did your best. Besides, you can't teach a fish to fly. 'And father is right. You cannot teach a fish to fly. But you can throw a fish across the room, and for a few fleeting moments you really think it's going to fly - until it hits the wall with its head. "
Web links
- Peterson Toscano on the Internet Movie Database (English)
- Personal website
- Excerpt of Chapter One of Doin 'Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House - How I Survived the Ex-Gay Movement!
- Video with interviews by Peterson Toscano and John Smid as well as short excerpts from Doin Time in the Homo No Mo Halfway House (English, Adobe Flash required, broadcast by Current TV )
swell
- ↑ a b Christine Dinsmore: When a Dos Equis Is More Than a Beer (PDF; 81 kB), Out, July / August 2006, as of July 10, 2006, at christinedinsmore.com
- ↑ a b c d e Katja Gelinsky: Church and Homosexuality - Umschwulung zum Mann , Frankfurter Allgemeine Sonntagszeitung, June 17, 2007, No. 24 / page 59, as of June 19, 2007
- ↑ a b c Michael Heussen: US organization "Exodus" relies on re-education - "You have to get a grip on being gay" (tagesschau.de archive), ARD Weltspiegel, August 12, 2007, as of August 11, 2007
- ↑ a b c d Peterson Toscano: Peterson Toscano's Bio ( Memento of the original from April 3, 2018 in the Internet Archive ) Info: The archive link was inserted automatically and has not yet been checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. , homonomo.com, as of May 8, 2007
- ^ A b Peterson Toscano: I'm an Ex-Gay Survivor , The New York Blade , June 22, 2007
- ↑ Steve Boese: A Visit to the Homo No Mo Halfway House , Ex-Gay-Watch, October 16, 2003
- ↑ Mike Airhart: Peterson Toscano: Ex-exgay artist announces winter tour dates , Ex-Gay-Watch, January 8, 2005
- ^ A b Peterson Toscano: I am what I am and it's not a choice , New Statesman, 20. July 2007
- ^ Joe Roberts: Ex-gay survivors speak out , pinknews.co.uk, June 29, 2007
- ↑ Pat Ashworth and Brian Draer: Greenbelt: Heavenly, but hardly ordinary , Church Times, 2006
- ↑ Av Lars Klint: "Jag är en stolt bög" ( Memento of the original from May 29, 2008 in the Internet Archive ) Info: The archive link was automatically inserted and not yet checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. , Expressen, September 24, 2006
- ↑ Tor Billgren: Intervju med Peterson Toscano , Antigayretorik, August 20, 2007 - about a radio interview on Swedish National Radio
- ↑ Peterson Toscano: German Women's Magazine Visits Ex-Gay Movement , Peterson Toscano's A Musing, September 25, 2006
- ↑ a b Keith A. Cambrel: 'No Mo Homo' heads to DC , Washington Blade, January 23, 2004
- ↑ Michael Luo: Some Tormented by Homosexuality Look to a Controversial Therapy ( Memento of the original from October 13, 2007 in the Internet Archive ) Info: The archive link was inserted automatically and has not yet been checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. , New York Times, February 12, 2007, at rickross.com
- ↑ Mike Airhart: Ex-Gays, Survivors, and Therapists Debate on Fox Morning Show , Ex-Gay-Watch, September 13, 2007
- ↑ Stephen Fried: "They tried to cure me of being gay" , Glamor, 4/2007
- ^ Eugene Wagner: Ex-Gay Survivor Site Beyondexgay.com Launches Today, Conference Set for June , Ex-Gay-Watch, April 2, 2007
- ↑ Michelle Garcia: A sincere apology , The Advocate, June 29, 2007
- ^ Peterson Toscano: Travel Minute , Peterson Toscano's A Musing, February 6, 2007
- ^ Peterson Toscano: Alternative Lifestyles , Peterson Toscano's A Musing, October 6, 2006
- ^ John Dicker: Two paths diverged: A long and winding road to God , Colorado Springs Independent, January 29, 2004
- ↑ a b c Eve Tushnet: Homo No Mo '? ( Memento of the original from October 18, 2007 in the Internet Archive ) Info: The archive link was inserted automatically and has not yet been checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. , National Review Online, June 15, 2006
- ↑ Eartha Melzer: Tenn. opens new probe of 'ex-gay' facility , Washington Blade , July 1, 2005
- ↑ Tennessee Board of Examiners in Psychology: Minutes of the meeting ( memento of the original from December 19, 2007 in the Internet Archive ) Info: The archive link was inserted automatically and has not yet been checked. Please check the original and archive link according to the instructions and then remove this notice. (PDF; 28 kB), health.state.tn.us, April 14, 2005, as of July 29, 2005
- ↑ Peteson Toscano: What About the Parents? , Peterson Toscano's A Musing, May 5, 2007
- ↑ Peterson Toscano: Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are , Peterson Toscano's A Musing, October 11, 2007
- ↑ Peterson Toscano: How i survived the ex-gay movement , homonomo.com, as of May 8, 2007
- ^ Eugene: Flying Fish , BeyondExGay.com
| personal data | |
|---|---|
| SURNAME | Toscano, Peterson |
| BRIEF DESCRIPTION | American teacher, playwright, and actor |
| DATE OF BIRTH | February 17, 1965 |
| PLACE OF BIRTH | Stamford ( Connecticut ) |