John Matuszak: Difference between revisions

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John's funeral was at a Catholic church in Wisconsin. He is buried in [[Cudahy, Wisconsin]]. He was survived by his mother and father, Marvin and Audrey Matuszak, his sisters; Christine, Karen, and the late Dawn Matuszak. Also survived by nephews; Justin, Lucas and Chase Evancy and his niece, Simone Bohlman.
John's funeral was at a Catholic church in Wisconsin. He is buried in [[Cudahy, Wisconsin]]. He was survived by his mother and father, Marvin and Audrey Matuszak, his sisters; Christine, Karen, and the late Dawn Matuszak. Also survived by nephews; Justin, Lucas and Chase Evancy and his niece, Simone Bohlman.

=The Shrine Controversy=
In 2004, one South Milwaukee couple’s relationship issues led to the scandal surrounding “The Shrine of the Tooz.” South Milwaukee’s number one douche bag, Bill Matuszak, cheated on South Milwaukee’s number one MILF. Being the caring, fake breasted MILF that she is, Jan Matuszak forgave Bill and let him back into the house. Not realizing that he wasn’t a teenager anymore, Bill proceeded to smoke a bowl, pound a liter of Mad Dog 20/20, shout “just livin’ the dream” and pop a “bar slut” in the ass. Rumors have circulated that prior to Bill receiving the permanent boot from his home the crafty veteran scum bag managed to swipe the home’s only item of value – the illustrious, “Shrine of the Tooz.”

The “Shrine of the Tooz” is a wall-mounted, 2’x 3’ Walgreen’s picture frame tribute to the NFL’s bad boy. There was like, a little Raider’s pennant in there, a family tree which verified the lineage that existed between Bill and the Tooz, and a picture of the Tooz’s face that Bill drew on loose leaf paper which Bill claims “took [him] all day to draw.” When asked in an interview by the Journal Sentinel why he didn’t print a picture of the Tooz instead Bill said, {{cquote|Sheeit, just because we’re slightly related to him don’t mean we have all that money like him to buy a fancy futuristic printers that makes pictures. Besides, I couldn’t find a picture of him on googler.” Jan claims that she has the legal rights to the shrine, because “without [my] artistic contributions of placing the pennant in the upper left corner, and my ability to slide it in the pre made frame the shrine wouldn’t have worked, kinda like that dickhead Bill.}}

Bill denies knowing the whereabouts of the shrine, but swears that “every afternoon when I wake up, I sit on the can and think really hard about who would take my life from me. It’s gotta be that whore Jan. At least I got her back, twice.” The success story of the family, Kevin Matuszak, is currently pursuing his dream of being an astronaut.


==References==
==References==

Revision as of 16:26, 15 December 2006

John Daniel Matuszak (October 25, 1950June 17, 1989), nicknamed Tooz, was an American football player in the NFL who later became an actor. He was the first draft pick of 1973 and played most of his career with the Oakland Raiders until he retired after winning his second Super Bowl in 1981. Matuszak participated in the 1978 World's Strongest Man competition, where he placed 9th. As an athlete, he gained additional notoriety for his partying and drug abuse. As an actor, he is probably most remembered as the misshapen Sloth in The Goonies (1985).

Football

Matuszak was born in Oak Creek, Wisconsin in 1950 and was always big for his age, which became an advantage as a defensive lineman in football. When he eventually turned pro, he stood 6 feet 8 inches (2.03 meters) and weighed over 280 pounds (127 kilograms). He attended the University of Tampa where he was the star of their football team and a brother of the Theta Chi fraternity . (Incidentally, the football program at the University of Tampa ended after the 1974 season.)

Matuszak, drafted by the Houston Oilers of the NFL, was the first draft pick of 1973. In addition to his contract with the Oilers, he joined the Houston Texans of the World Football League, but never played because of a restraining order that barred him from playing for two teams at the same time. The Oilers, displeased that he tried joining the WFL, traded him to the Kansas City Chiefs where he played until 1975. Then he found himself with the Raiders in 1976. He helped the Raiders win two Super Bowls (XI and XV) before retiring after the 1981 season. He played a total of 123 games in nine seasons of professional football.

His football career was often overshadowed by his even more famous (or infamous) partying and seemingly endless use of drugs. In his autobiography, he stated that he took many painkillers as well as other narcotics while playing professional football. Because of this, an article written for Sports Illustrated's website in January 2005 named him one of the top five all-time "bad boys" of the NFL.[1]

Acting

Matuszak became a fairly successful actor in the 1980s, making appearances in movies and on television, often portraying football players and gentle giants. His first major role was in the 1979 movie North Dallas Forty as a football player. He appeared in the movies Caveman (981) and The Ice Pirates (1984), but is frequently remembered as Sloth in The Goonies (1985), the make-up for which took five hours to apply.[2] He had numerous guest appearances in popular TV shows such as M*A*S*H, The Dukes of Hazzard, Hunter, The A-Team, and Miami Vice.

His autobiography, Cruisin' with the Tooz, written with Steve Delsohn was published in 1987. John Matuszak died of heart failure in Hollywood, California at age 38. His early death has been blamed on his extreme lifestyle, including the possible use of anabolic steroids.

John's funeral was at a Catholic church in Wisconsin. He is buried in Cudahy, Wisconsin. He was survived by his mother and father, Marvin and Audrey Matuszak, his sisters; Christine, Karen, and the late Dawn Matuszak. Also survived by nephews; Justin, Lucas and Chase Evancy and his niece, Simone Bohlman.

References

  • John Matuszak and Steve Delsohn. Cruisin' with the Tooz. 1987. ISBN 0-531-15055-0.

External links