Polyamory

The heart with the sign of infinity as a symbol of polyamory

Polyamory or polyamory (a made-up word from ancient Greek polýs "much, several", and Latin amor "love"; English polyamory ) describes a form of love life in which a person loves several partners and maintains a love relationship with each and every one of them Is known to the parties involved and is lived by mutual agreement. Polyamorous relationships are based on the intention to create the desired relationships with one another in the long term and trusting, usually they include infatuation , tenderness and sexuality . In this way, polyamory is clearly differentiated from “ free love ”, which is far more open to purely physical relationships. There is an overlap with relationship anarchy , in which relationships are based on individual desires rather than norms, but differs from this in the assumption that a formal distinction between different types of relationships is needed. Weltanschauung affirms the polyamorous concept that a person can have love relationships with several people at the same time, and questions the idea that two-way relationships are the only desirable or possible form of living together.

People who have this type of non- monogamous relationship or who can imagine living in one are referred to as “polyamorous” or “polyamorous”. Since the 1960s, networks of experience and communication have emerged from people who live in such relationships, exchange ideas about them and support one another in this - today mostly via the Internet .

Summary

"Polyamory" is a word that was "invented" around 1990 and popularized in electronic forums since 1992 . It is an umbrella term that describes all consensual and fully informed long-term intimate relationships between several people. The associated subculture has roots in the “Free Love Movement”, which emerged in the mid-19th century, but differs from the versions of the term “ free love ” developed in the 1960s that were restricted to sexuality .

According to Christian Rüther, who has examined the history of polyamory, "polyamory" is primarily defined by four key features:

1. Honesty / transparency (poly is not "cheating")
2. Equality / Consensus (poly is not patriarchal polygyny)
3. Erotic love with more than one person over a period of time (poly is more than friendship / poly is not monogamy)
4. Long-term orientation (poly is not swinging in principle )

So polyamory is primarily defined by the emotional side of love relationships; it is based on the idea that love, even with a romantic tinge, is not something that has to be restricted to individual persons. Polyamorous relationships usually require significantly more attention, energy, and communication than emotionally and sexually exclusive relationships and offer less security to those involved, but have offsetting advantages for the people who lead them. From this point of view, jealousy represents a challenge that can be mastered through the courage, understanding and trust of the partner and the willingness to deal with it. Polyamorous relationships have many possible constellations with specific names, for example "triad" denotes a mutual love relationship between three people.

Since the 1960s, initially under the umbrella term responsible non-monogamy , the first pre-polyamore concepts and networks of people who have been exchanging ideas largely via electronic forums since the early 1990s and supporting each other in setting rules and common basic values ​​have emerged find as well as consolidate the practice of their way of life. In some cases, special terms have been developed, such as “frubbelig” for a feeling that is contrary to jealousy, a kind of joy that you feel when you think your partner is happy in the presence of another partner. Polyamorous people also have children in extended families such as rainbow families . People in polyamorous networks value loyalty in the sense of commitment and loyalty , honesty, respect, equal communication and negotiation as well as dedication as values . These values ​​are based on collective preferences and experiences that encourage fulfilling behaviors and lasting, non-exclusive relationships. As a political trend, the concept of polyamory regards the various forms of life as equal and advocates the reduction of discrimination .

history

Although the term polyamory did not exist in a clearly defined and morally connotated form before 1990, people such as Bertrand Russell , Amelia Earhart , William Moulton Marston and Bertolt Brecht had already practiced individual polyamorous ideals before 1990 .

Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir also practiced a way of life corresponding to “ethical non-monogamy”, which is considered to be the forerunner of the more permanent polyamory. They allowed each other to have "chance loves" (another term for flinging). In practice, Sartre had a lot more infidelities than she; she had both opposite and same sex relationships.

As the birth of a first consolidated polyamory-term publishing is a manifesto of Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart the (English in its text "A bouquet of lovers" considered in 1990, A Bouquet of Lovers , 1990) in addition to the neologism poly-amorous also The three basic rules of modern polyamory (consensuality, transparency towards all those involved and commitment in emotional decisions) explained in detail and also described the order of a so-called "hierarchical polyamory", based on an existing main relationship with later love relationships. Clear references to the concept of so-called “polyfidelity”, ie “loyalty to several” in a type of group marriage , which was part of the ethical nonmogamy movement at that time, were to be found which, as part of the ethical nonmogamy movement at that time, propagated a way of life that primarily was made known by the Oneida community in the USA in the mid-1970s.

The Zell-Ravenheart couple, on the other hand, lived openly to new love relationships and advocated the view derived from polyfidelity that their existing relationship should not be maliciously or carelessly damaged by new love partners and should be protected from destructive acts. To this end, they passed on their experiences and rules with the aforementioned manifesto. Deborah Anapol, a representative of ethical non-monogamy, quoted “A bouquet of lovers” in her 1992 book “Love without limits”, in which she explained the concept of ethical non-monogamy. The “new” polyamory term for a non-monogamous form of relationship between “Faithful with many”, but closed to the outside world, and “ethically non-monogamous”, but without fixed rules for new love relationships, had not yet established itself at that time . Zell-Ravenheart justified her rule-based form of the non-monogamous way of life, which was later criticized, with the fact that an already existing relationship requires increased emotional attention from all those involved when it is opened up.

Quoting from A bouquet of lovers: “Having been involved in one or two open marriages my entire adult life (my current primary relationship [at the time this article was written] is 16 years), a lot of ideas have come to me, and so have went off again and I experimented with drafts and rules to make these relationships work well for everyone involved. There are so many differences in what different people need in a relationship, precisely because people are involved. However, there are definitely some elements that must be in place for the system to work at all. Other items are highly recommended because they have a very good track record. Let's refer to them collectively as the 'rules of the way'. "

This basic order, which is oriented towards an opening marriage, was later expanded by the community to include a more equal form - the so-called "egalitarian polyamory" - and reintroduced by the Swedish journalist Andie Nordgren in 2004 with another model she called relationship anarchy A long way back historically, in the direction of the “responsible non-monogamy”, without a predefined set of rules, but expanded with a clear responsibility for one's own and mutual emotional decisions and responsibilities of the agreements made. Within the scene, this latest form is still partly viewed as a reading of polyamory, but partly as an independent relationship model.

terminology

Polyamory is a hybrid neologism : poly stands in ancient Greek for "several" and amor is Latin for "love". The word was created independently by several people, including Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart , who in the article "A Bouquet of Lovers" (English A Bouquet of Lovers , 1990) suggested the popularization of the phrase poly-amorous , and Jennifer Wesp , who in 1992 the Usenet - newsgroup alt.polyamory founded. Occasional use of the term, albeit without a clear value system as a relationship model, can be found in a few older texts (1921 in the autobiographical essays by the Italian futurist Tommaso Marinetti “L'alcòva d'acciaio” on p. 283) and in a description the living conditions at the court of Henry VIII, which, however, were court mistresses without a full relationship claim, as well as in 1953 by Charles A. Ward and Josep McElroy in 1969 with reference to historical English literature.

Alternatively, the term "polyamory" which actually incorrect word "Polygynandrie" and were mainly from the spread Polyfidelity used (West, 1996), marked by the Kerista community in San Francisco and, strictly speaking, the practice of "group marriage" (English group marriage ), but is sometimes used synonymously with polyamory .

In 1999, Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart was asked by the editor of the Oxford English Dictionary for a definition of the word (which was not added to the dictionary until 2006). This read:

"The practice, state or ability to have more than one loving sexual relationship at the same time with the full knowledge and consent of the partners involved."

This definition is intended to be inclusive, and in particular it does not intend in this context to completely exclude “ swinging ” if people who practice the latter wish to assign themselves to this term. Many swingers have close relationships with sexual partners as best friends and as relationship partners. Many people, both in the swinger and polyamory subcultures, see both practices as complementary parts of a view that allows and supports an open approach to physical and emotional intimacy , familiarity and sexuality. The two essential ingredients of the “polyamory” concept are “more than one” and “loving”. This means that people in such relationships have a loving emotional bond , are related in many ways in their lives, and care for their mutual well-being. According to this definition, polyamory does not mean the practice of sexuality as a pure leisure activity, orgies , promiscuity , secret cheating, " one-night stands ", prostitution , the practice of so-called serial monogamy or the common definition of swinging as swapping partners in an anonymous setting. In contrast, a definition based primarily on the concept of romantic love is partially questioned.

In German-speaking countries, the English spelling “Polyamory” was initially more common in publications on the World Wide Web , but the German spelling “Polyamory” has been used by the majority for some time and is increasingly being used in weblogs, forums and press publications. Occasionally the French word “polyamore” or “polyamore” is used. The adjective used is “polyamorous” (with an emphasis on the last syllable), and more rarely also “polyamorous” .

A differentiation from polyamory is polygamy (plural marriage), which is institutionalized in many cultures. The main difference is that polyamory is not tied to social institutions and norms such as monogamy (monogamy) or plural marriage and emphasizes the freedom of choice of those involved; in particular, they do not have to be married to one another. Accordingly, the practice of the exclusive “one-to-one” love relationship would have to be called “monoamory” instead of “monogamy”. However, polyamory does not see itself in opposition to self-determined and freely chosen one-to-one relationships; viewed from this point of view, it is one of “many ways to love”. In common parlance, however, the distinction between polyamory and polygamy is often neglected. Based on the English-speaking world, the term “New Monogamy” has been added in recent years for a more pragmatic, individually negotiated task of sexual exclusivity in partnerships.

People who practice polyamory sometimes refer to themselves as "polyamores" for short. In particular, lesbian women in the subculture often use the term “ sluts ” analogous to the English word “slut” (that is, in the sense of a Geusen word ) .

Other terms such as “polyamid” or “polyamant” are not used within the poly community and are only used sporadically.

Definition of terms between polyamory and "free love"

Natalie Clifford Barney (around 1892)

Emma Goldman (1911)

William Blake (1807)

The term “Free Love” was coined in the mid-19th century to describe a social movement that rejected state and church interference in personal relationships. This idea has a long tradition , which in Central Europe goes back to the Christian communities of the Adamites and Dissenters . From the 19th to the beginning of the 20th century, it was represented by figures such as John Humphrey Noyes , August Nordenskjöld , Carl Bernhard Wadström , William Blake , Mary Wollstonecraft , Percy Bysshe Shelley , Emma Goldman , Bertrand Russell and Natalie Clifford Barney , often in context with political movements like abolitionism , pacifism and anarchism .

In the sexual revolution of the 1960s, “free love” was popularized and partly represented as a new norm that propagated promiscuous behavior (“If you sleep with the same person twice, you already belong to the establishment ”). The aim was to break sexual norms and create new forms of relationships, for example in municipality 2 . There were also authoritarian and sectarian excesses that reached an extreme in German-speaking countries with the action-analytical organization Otto Muehl , also known as the AAO or Center for Emotional Design . In the United States, for example, the Oneida community , which had a religious background, took a similar development. It is discussed whether municipalities and communities that emerged from these organizations, such as the ZEGG , are still influenced by the structures of their predecessor projects. While the ZEGG is considered a forerunner of the polyamorous culture in Germany for friends and supporters, critics are skeptical of it.

In the meantime, a widely recognized standard has emerged to differentiate polyamory from the old, often normatively used term “free love” as it was understood in the 1970s. Polyamore relationships generally require the consent of all parties involved. The emotional side of love relationships and not sexual freedom as in free love is given the highest priority. Unlike in Free Love, this assumes that all those involved are fully informed about the status of the other relationships, that transparency is guaranteed and that careful interaction between those involved is maintained. The hierarchical relationship patterns that can often be observed in polyamory, in which a long-term partnership opens up to other relationships that are not lived on an equal footing, clearly distinguish polyamory from free love. Also, dealing with emotions such as jealousy is receiving far greater attention than it was in the 1970s.

General

People who describe themselves as polyamorous or polyamorous question the idea that the two-person relationship and traditional monogamy are the only desirable forms of coexistence. In their opinion, love is not a finite or limited good that is only ever sufficient for love for a single person, but can appear in a very individual form towards several people.

The polyamory is defined by the emotional side of love relationships. The focus is not on the experience of sexuality , which - as in any love relationship - can and may play an essential role. The greatest possible honesty between those involved and mutual consent are often cited as conditions for polyamorous relationships. That is why there are no lovers to be hidden in the concept of polyamory. It should be possible to meet the people you like with the degree of affection and intimacy that arises from the individual relationship. There is no need to deny it if one has feelings for more than one person. Jealousy and fear of loss also occur often in people who have chosen this type of relationship and should be openly expressed. Indeed, jealousy is often the most significant hurdle in long-term relationships. According to the concept of polyamory, however, one should avoid these feelings determining action, as they could otherwise have a destructive effect on relationships.

Since polyamory, in contrast to monogamy, does not have an exclusive right to the partner, there is no need to end a relationship if the partner enters into further relationships at the same time. Acute infatuation , also called “New Relationship Energy” (NRE) in English-language forums, is sometimes seen as a state to be enjoyed with caution, despite the beautiful feelings. It makes it more difficult to balance the needs of all partners and carries the risk of short-term decisions, the consequences of which would be regretted in the long term.

Polyamorous relationships can cause significant emotional stress if there are conflicts between the partners or feelings of jealousy arise. In the opinion of many polyamorous people, such situations require, in addition to sincerity, empathy and self-knowledge, an above-average ability to distinguish themselves. It is difficult to predict whether polyamorous relationships between people who have no experience with this way of life will endure. It is therefore very important that those involved in such a relationship choose it consciously and voluntarily. Additional relationships also tend to bring uncertainties and unresolved conflicts to light in a partnership, even if it has been around for a long time. Long-term partners often negotiate a mutual, limited veto right in relation to new relationships beforehand in order to protect themselves from relaxing partners or from relationship conflicts in unfavorable phases of life such as the breastfeeding of a child.

The orientation towards multiple relationships is seen by some polyamorous people as a conscious choice; however, the majority consider their preference to be a consequence of their individual “wiring” (Easton and Liszt, 1997). Many people who live in multiple relationships have repeatedly found that monogamous relationships do not work for them or that they are not happy in them. As a rule, however, this is not taken as an opportunity to devalue monogamy as an individual choice. What is questioned, however, is monogamy as a social norm ( heteronormativity or mononormativity ) and the double standards often associated with it, according to polyamorous-minded people .

As a reason against entering into polyamorous relationships, many polyamorous people cite that often a lot more “ relationship work ” has to be done, which sometimes requires a considerable amount of attention, time and energy. In addition, subjective or real securities must be dispensed with. For individuals who live this type of relationship, however, this is more than offset by authenticity , personal growth and self-development . In addition, there is the experience of diversity and liveliness, of joy in the happiness of loved ones with their other partners, solidarity and support in an extended community and similar aspects. Many also base their choice on the experience that they are much happier in such relationships.

Dealing with jealousy

According to authors practicing polyamory, jealousy is arguably the greatest obstacle in polyamorous relationships. However, mastering it would also offer opportunities for personal development, so that she is also described as a “goalkeeper” (Anapol, 1997) . Accordingly, there is extensive advisory literature in book form and in web publications, the approaches of which are briefly presented here.

According to polyamorous authors, in polyamorous relationships the absence of jealousy is less important than the willingness to encounter and deal with this feeling. The intensity of the sensation varies from person to person. There are polyamorous people who completely lack it. Even in people who are usually hardly jealous, it can unexpectedly reach a high intensity and resemble physical pain, for example when the long-term partner meets a new love. On the other hand, jealousy can be repressed for a long time and remain undetected, even if avoiding it determines a considerable part of thinking and acting. Since in the monogamous culture the feeling of jealousy is often avoided, on the other hand, fear of jealousy can also present a greater difficulty for some people than jealousy itself.

Polyamorous people often describe jealousy as a mixture of different feelings and thoughts such as anger , losing control of the partner, fear of losing love, being abandoned or becoming unimportant, shame about a perceived devaluation, sadness about lost certainties and the like (see Anapol, 1997) . Different feelings often overlap. Among the people who practice polyamory, jealousy is usually neither a sign of love nor as a betrayal or weakness of character, even if possessive behavior is usually not tolerated by polyamorous people. Ideally, the partner of a jealous person would treat them with love, acceptance and support, similar to how someone deals with the grief of a friend who has lost a loved one or the fear of a child who does not immediately dare to learn to swim. But such an accompanying attitude and willingness to encounter intense feelings must often first be learned.

Fundamental to dealing with jealousy is the thought that everyone is responsible for their own feelings and thoughts as well as for dealing with their experiences and conditioning, as Marshall B. Rosenberg (2004) describes. A distinction must be made here between the perception and expression of jealousy as a feeling and jealous behavior such as reproaches or giving ultimatums , which can quickly have a destructive effect on the relationship. On the other hand, a non-disclosure of potentially jealous situations by the partner would, according to common polyamorous concepts, cross-border and long-term destructive for a good relationship. On the other hand, it is entirely up to the partner or partners to avoid certain triggers. This can mean, for example, dealing with objects or rituals that have a symbolic value for stability and the status of the relationship experienced as “threatened”.

In the practice of polyamory, various strategies for dealing with jealousy have developed. One is to question the fear or jealousy triggering situation, to imagine concrete scenarios and to visualize their reality and unreality. Since jealousy, like all feelings, can also have a positive protective function and indicates unmet needs, it may well happen that jealous feelings indicate real difficulties in the relationship, which should be discussed and clarified with the partner. This again shows the importance of good communication and honesty, which enable the development of lasting trust in the stability of the relationship.

One approach proposed by Wendy Millstone to clear the mixes of feelings described above is, figuratively speaking, to peel the "onion" of jealousy and carefully examine the feelings and thoughts of each layer.

Easton and Liszt (1997) recommend the attitude of seeking a gradual confrontation with jealousy, consciously perceiving it and not avoiding it. Just as it is not loving and also not effective to throw a child who cannot swim into the water for the purpose of learning to swim, it can make sense, especially in long-standing partnerships, for the person experiencing jealousy to set the pace in a relationship may, not the one who has a new partner. For acute attacks of severe jealousy, increased self-care and principles of bodywork such as conscious and systematic breathing are suggested. According to authors like Deborah Anapol, all practices that promote mindfulness and mental presence in the “here and now” are a good exercise in calming down thoughts triggered by jealousy.

Authors such as Celeste West also point out that being the target of hurtful jealous behavior for long periods of time, even when there is no physical danger, can have negative consequences for mental health. In addition, jealousy is one of the most common causes of fatal acts of violence and so-called relationship drama in Western countries .

Forms, designations and relationship constellations

The lived and practiced forms of polyamory can take many different forms, as each individual relationship is unique and can be different from others. There are different names for these relationship structures, but these are not used consistently throughout.

Often there is a primary relationship or partnership between two (or more) partners who live together, but each of the partners also has less intense or close relationships or lovers ("secondary relationships") , for example corresponding to couples who do not live together. In addition, “tertiary relationships” can be added, for example extended, sexuality-based friendships (“Friends with benefits, intimate friendships”) with people who often live further away. However, some of the people who practice polyamory tend to reject the concept of a hierarchy of relationship partners because it cannot do justice to individual persons. Others also question the dichotomy of either being in or out of relationship with people. Critics of this point of view emphasize the importance of disclosure and recognition of real priorities so that everyone involved is aware of their position.

When the emphasis is on sexual non-exclusivity, this is often referred to as "open marriage" or " open relationship ". If it has been agreed not to allow love relationships to develop outside of the main relationship, strictly speaking there is no practice of polyamory.

It can also happen that a group of people forms an exclusive network whose members only have emotional and sexual relationships with one another. This is often called “polyfidelity” , but this term sometimes also refers to polyamory in general. There are also binding partnerships between more than two people ( group marriages ), relationship networks of people who do not live with someone (intimate networks) , to "extended friendships" which include sexuality as an additional option. The term group marriage was popularized by some authors of fictional works such as Robert A. Heinlein in Stranger in a Strange World and The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress , Robert Rimmer, and Starhawk . Finally, there is the term tribe or clan , in which the relationship partners belong to extended communities, for example municipalities .

Furthermore, there are mono-polyamorous relationships in which one of two partners has several relationships, while the other agrees to the other relationships of the first, but does not want any additional relationships himself. Such “one-to-many relationships”, in which one part of a couple is monogamous and the other has multiple relationships, can be happy. To differentiate, the relationship between two people who agree to mutual monogamy is sometimes referred to as a one-to-one relationship .

Relationships between people who want to practice polyamory and those who want a monogamous partner, on the other hand, are generally prone to conflict and are often avoided because attempts to influence one's own orientation or that of the partner towards polyamorous or monogamous relationships strike in usually fail. Some of the polyamorous people, who are mostly well aware of this, consider themselves able to live equally happily in multiple as well as in exclusive relationships, and the willingness of polyamorous individuals to get involved in experimental relationships with people whose Orientation and needs are uncertain varies greatly.

For the relationship of individual persons to one another, especially in the English-language electronic media, certain "geometric" terms have become established. It is called "V" if one person has a close relationship with two others. There are also “N”, “Z”, and “W”. A “triad” is when three people have a close relationship with each other, which rarely happens, and a “quad” is a partnership or group marriage of four people. A couple relationship between two people is called a "dyad". Many such relationships are very long-lasting once they have reached a certain level of familiarity and stability. Even loving relationships that do not contain sexuality - for example because this would violate the agreements of existing relationships - can possibly be described as polyamorous. Each constellation has its own structure and dynamics, which can be very complex. For example, quads formed from two dyads have reported a tendency by some authors to split off a person and form a triad.

Polyamore networks

General

Polyamory Pride, San Francisco , 2004

Banner of the "Polyamory Stammtisch Cologne & NRW plus Friends" at Cologne Pride 2019

Polyamory is mainly practiced by people who network as a small minority of possibly several hundred thousand to a few million people, partly through a lively exchange on the World Wide Web , partly through regional meetings. In addition to the USA with its centers in California / San Francisco Bay Area and Massachusetts , areas of distribution have also developed in England and the Netherlands. In addition, there are approaches to polyamorous networks in practically all Western European countries and many other parts of the world. Regional meetings have been held in German-speaking countries since the end of the 1990s, and their frequency and spread is constantly increasing. Since April 2008, the PAN e. V. organizes supra-regional meetings for the German-speaking area three times a year.

Statistical figures about people living in multiple relationships can only be estimated. In a discussion of a 19th century law that criminalized the coexistence of several partners in Canada, the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association (CPAA) named a certain number of 1120 individually known polyamors at a hearing in the Canadian Supreme Court Families and an estimated 17,000 families. The number of polyamorous people living alone in Canada has been estimated at about 550,000. According to the CPAA, the likely number of people living in egalitarian polyamorous relationships is many times higher than those in patriarchal structured polygynous families of fundamentalist currents of the Mormons or traditionally living Hmong and at least as high as the minority of polygynous Canadian Muslims , but probably significantly higher .

Some of these people speak openly at work, for example, about the type of relationship they have chosen and in many cases have had good experiences with it. Such openness is not recommended without distinction. In this subculture, the members of which are often scattered, electronic media and communication via the Internet are of great importance. In the beginning this was mainly the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory , the magazine “Loving More” and numerous websites and webrings , but now there are local e-mail lists , blogs , online forums and virtual communities such as polyamore.de and relationship garden . net represents the most important media, some of which English-speaking media, such as LiveJournal with forum groups such as Polyamory or mono_poly , have several thousand members. In the German-speaking area, there is rapid growth and a progressive diversification of these forums. Partner exchanges (e.g. OkCupid ) have also become popular for finding contacts and potential partners . In addition, local meetings and conferences are important, such as the “Loving More” conferences in the USA, the “International Conference on Polyamory & Mono-Normativity” that took place in Hamburg in November 2005, or the film days “More than One Love - Facets Polyamoren L (i) ebens “in July 2007 in Oldenburg.

Some polyamorous activists, such as Dossie Easton , do important information and education work, especially in the areas of communication, insist on clear relationships, prevention of unplanned pregnancies and prevention of diseases such as AIDS and hepatitis B through safer sex .

An above-average proportion of these people are bisexual , but all sexual orientations are represented. The subculture of polyamory touches and overlaps with the bi-movement, with the BDSM scene, the neotantra scene, the queer movement and with parts of the lesbian and gay movement, such as the " Schlampagne ", and the left subculture, which questioned and discussed the more conventional forms of relationships under the heading "romantic two-way relationship" or "RZB". According to their own perception, people living polyamor are characterized by a very large variety and appreciation for openness and diversity .

Due to the diversity of polyamorous people and ways of life, the spatial scattering of polyamorous people and the lack of cultural features that go beyond the way of life and its practical realization, one cannot speak of a “polyamory scene” or a delimited subculture. People living with polyamor belong to all social classes and professional groups, whereby people with above-average education are more frequently represented. Polyamore concepts are spreading more and more into the social mainstream , as can be seen in protagonists who are not oriented towards subcultures like Jenny Block . In addition, people keep introducing themselves in the electronic media who have followed the principles of polyamory for many years but were previously unfamiliar with the term. As a lobby organization with a high proportion of polyamorous people and a clear tolerance for polyamorous ways of life, the Bisexual Network e. V. (BiNE) worth mentioning. The Polyamore Network (PAN eV) has been expanding its offers for polyamorous people more and more since 2009 and is now offering large networking meetings in Germany three times a year.

Polyamorous women from the lesbian poly scene have been publishing the self-published magazine “Die Krake” since 2006.

Children in polyamorous families

Children live in numerous families in which one or more partners have other polyamorous partnerships. As with other characteristics of polyamory, the way children are integrated into the family varies:

• Parents are fully responsible for their own children, while children see other members of polyamorous relationships as friends of their parents.
• Parents have the main responsibility for their own children (biological, adoptive or stepchildren), but other members of the network of relationships also act as an extended family that can provide help in raising children. It also happens that children treat their parents' partners as step-parents or that they are told to classify them as aunts and uncles.
• Adults connected through polyamory raise their children collectively , all assuming the same responsibility for each child regardless of consanguinity.

In some cases, collective child-rearing is represented as a social norm without actually being fulfilled with regard to the distribution of responsibility and custody obligations; this is also due to a lack of legal claims by non-biologically related and legally recognized caregivers. The first two forms of polyamorous parenting usually do not differ greatly from comparable monogamous relationships in blended families ( stepfamilies ).

It is often feared that non-exclusive relationships could have negative consequences for children. Practice shows, however, that this is not the case if the caregivers live in a stable partnership. However, the different developmental stages of the child seem to have an effect on the parents' perception.

For teenagers in the phase of identity formation, a non-monogamous form of relationship between the parents can trigger insecurity and rejection; smaller children often benefit from additional caregivers. In the case of adolescents from such families, it happens that they regard non-exclusive relationships as an additional option, and that they choose more traditional ways of life and thus differentiate themselves from their parents. It is occasionally reported that children show less or no jealousy, which supports the hypothesis that jealousy is a (albeit deeply ingrained) cultural norm .

There are a few children's books that reflect the world of children in families with multiple relationships or multiple parenting and can help them to self-confidently grasp the uniqueness of their family. Published in German is "Else-Marie and the little Papas" (Else-Marie and Her Seven Little Daddies) by Gabrielle Charbonnet and Pija Lindenbaum .

Overall, it can be assumed that an adult who has spent more time in life with a child is also likely to develop a stronger parental bond with that child than someone who has been associated with the child for shorter periods of time. The degree of logistical and emotional involvement between members of polyamorous partnerships is also a crucial factor in relationships with children.

In Canada , it is possible for more than two people to be the parent of a child.

Symbols

The polyamory loop

The polyamory flag (after Jim Evans)

Parrot by Ray Dillinger

As a sign of recognition and as a sign of respect for people who live polyamory, some websites use the polyamory flag or the polyamory ribbon, an awareness ribbon similar to the red HIV ribbon.

The flag (and, in a similar form, the bow) shows three bars of equal size in blue, red and black from top to bottom, with the following symbols: blue stands for openness and honesty between the partners in a poly relationship, red stands for love and passion, black shows solidarity with those people who feel polyamorous but cannot live it due to social pressure.

There is a gold π in the center of the flag. The Greek letter π (Pi) stands for the first letter of the word polyamory. The color gold symbolizes the high value that is placed on intimate, emotional connection. So it should also show that it's not just about physical closeness.

Other popular symbols are parrots , often called "Polly" in English, and a red heart for love with the blue symbol of infinity for openness and unconditionality, as shown at the beginning of this article.

As a symbol of love for several people, three intertwined or intertwined shapes or objects are used, for example three rings, three dolphins, three people, three circles, a triangle. Some people who are connected in a polyamorous relationship wear the same jewelry or (like married couples) the same ring as a sign of solidarity.

Development of adapted terms

Polyamorous people have developed new names for certain situations that are unfamiliar in monogamous relationships in order to describe their experiences, feelings and worlds. Some, for example, described by sociologists Meg Barker and Ani Ritchie, are presented below:

• Sympathetic joy (compersion or "joyfulresonance") describes a manifestation of love when someone finds happiness and expansion in being loved by another person and is pleased with it, and thus in a certain way represents the opposite pole to jealousy. It is a form of empathy , that is, joy in the fact that the person close to you experiences something beautiful in their life. Experiencing the feeling of sympathy for the first time is sometimes described as unfamiliar or strange because it runs counter to the feeling of jealousy that most people expect to be normal in such situations.
• The adjective frubbly (also German "frubbelig") was coined as an expression for the feeling of compersion . Accordingly, in German-speaking countries, some polyamorous people call their partners' partners "Frubbel".
• Also metamour stands for relations with the partners of their own relationship partner, the American has National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF) proclaimed 28 February as "Metamour Day".

Values ​​in polyamory

Like many other social and ideological currents, polyamory is characterized by a series of values that have a special status. The values ​​listed below are ideals . As with all ideals, they are sometimes not reached by their followers - but a serious lack of agreed ideals in a polyamorous relationship is likely to be seen as as serious as in any other relationship and can often mean the end of it. Values ​​that promote polyamorous relationships are also conducive to exclusive relationships and are valued there as well, but may have a different status or have different characteristics. Although some of the values ​​listed also describe elements that create identity, they have emerged as important because, when applied consistently, they lead to practical actions that promote authentic and lasting relationships. However, they often also tend to end inconsistent relationships more quickly.

Honesty and respect

People who practice polyamory often emphasize the importance of honesty and self-disclosure to all partners, which is one of the essential principles. Withholding facts - even a "silent agreement" of the form "Do what you want as long as I do not find out" - is strongly advised against. This is mostly based on the idea that partners cannot bear the truth or do not trust their loved ones to keep agreements. A partner's lover should be accepted as part of that partner's life, not just tolerated.

However, it must be emphasized that this honesty in detail, which presupposes an honesty about the polyamorous relationship orientation, is not, as it were, "born in the cradle" for many polyamorous people, but is often the product of a laborious unfolding, development and learning process that leads to leads to the conclusion that non-monogamous relationships do not work any other way. This is similar to the “ coming-out ” of bisexual people and includes, among other things, gaining the self-confidence to be happy with one's own openly lived orientation - with or without a suitable partner (see the example of Edna St. Vincent Millay in the section "Persons living in amicable multiple relationships") .

In contrast to - mostly unspoken - traditional behavioral norms, in which certain things are often not uttered 'for the sake of the partner', this priority of honesty also extends to issues that can trigger significant emotional pain, fears and jealousy in the partner. Long-term and authentic relationships therefore require the willingness of the partner to face their own painful feelings.

Respect for the other includes respect for their life and health. In the case of several sexual relationships, loving treatment of oneself and others requires that the partners practice safe sex , talk about sexually transmitted diseases such as AIDS and hepatitis B , make binding decisions about which risks they want to take, use existing vaccinations and themselves continuously exchange information about it. Detailed information on this in relation to polyamory can be found in The Ethical Slut by Easton and Liszt, and the local health authorities and AIDS organizations often offer confidential, respectful and competent information.

loyalty

In one-to-one (or "monogamous") relationships, fidelity is often understood as entering into a commitment to only one partner and exercising sexuality only with that person (in traditional marriages the ideal is for life, "until death do you part") ). Breaking this rule is considered infidelity. In polyamorous relationships, on the other hand, loyalty is understood to mean honesty, commitment, reliability and benevolence in relation to the relationship as well as compliance with agreements within this relationship. In general, long-term relationships are sought, which often requires a very high level of commitment in the event of difficulties such as conflicts or the emergence of jealousy. However, promiscuous behavior is generally tolerated as long as it is done in an honest manner.

Communication and negotiation

Because there is no "standard version" of polyamorous relationships, those involved in a relationship will usually have different ideas about how this relationship should look. Failure to address such different expectations can seriously damage the relationship. That is why many people who practice polyamory advocate laying down the rules of the relationship with everyone involved, a process that requires a high level of committed communication . Unlike some other forms of negotiated relationships (such as marriage contracts), people who practice polyamory often see negotiation as a process that lasts the life of a relationship. This process requires all partners involved to be highly aware of their own needs and to develop the ability to express them.

In more conventional relationships, the parties involved can agree on a common set of expectations without consciously negotiating them, simply by following societal norms and adopting them as a tacit agreement: for example, that the husband takes financial responsibility for the family once the couple is married Has children and the woman no longer needs to work; or that the woman is solely responsible for contraception and that the decision to become pregnant may be unilateral. Since polyamorous relationships cannot start from such “pre-defined” norms, one has to negotiate and choose more consciously within the relationship, on the way of talking to one another and mutual respect and understanding instead of assumed expectations. Not least because of this, the common recommendation known as the poly mantra for new relationships - or changes in existing ones is: “Communicate! Communicate! Communicate! ". One of the communication models that have proven themselves in practice in polyamorous relationships is non-violent communication according to Marshall B. Rosenberg and the Gordon model according to Thomas Gordon . A popular practice in German-speaking countries is the “Dialogue”, a conversation ritual that was developed by Michael Lukas Moeller , in which the partners regularly meet for an intensive conversation in which one person in the first person for 20 to 30 minutes speaks and the other listens non-judgmentally.

Polyamorous people tend to be pragmatic about their relationships. They accept that they and their partners will sometimes make mistakes and not always manage to live up to their own ideals. When that happens, communication is an important way to heal damage and maintain trust over the long term. For an original source on the importance of honesty and communication, see, for example, the web link Poly for Dummies (Eng. "Poly for Dummies").

Non-possessive behavior

People in conventional relationships often agree not to enter into any other relationships under any circumstances as these would threaten, dilute, or replace their existing relationship. Polyamorous people believe that such restrictions can potentially be detrimental to a relationship as they tend to replace trust with possessive prohibitions and bring relationships into a framework of possession and control: "You are mine." This reflects cultural assumptions that restrictions are necessary to prevent partners from straying from the relationship and that additional close relationships jeopardize the bond. Part of the purpose of these restrictions is also to avoid feelings of jealousy that are perceived as dangerous or intolerable.

Polyamorous people tend to see their partner's romantic relationships as an enrichment to their partner's life rather than a threat to their own. The catchphrase “If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, you haven't lost it. If it does not return to you, you have never owned it. ”Describes a similar attitude. Because of this, many people who practice polyamory see a possessive attitude towards relationships as something that should be avoided. This requires a high level of trust and self-confidence. Interestingly, not avoiding jealousy can point the way to such self-confidence.

While a non-possessive attitude is an important part of many polyamorous relationships, it is not as universal as the other values ​​discussed above. Relationships can, for example, be graded in their priority, with veto rights of the partner, or also be asymmetrical with regard to exclusivity and “possession” of the other.

Commitment (dedication and commitment)

The English term commitment is difficult to translate fully; it means something like “commitment”, “commitment” or “devotion” in the sense of internally directed commitment , a value that takes the place of traditional loyalty . Polyamory encompasses the thought of not giving up an existing relationship in favor of a newly emerging additional relationship or depriving it of the resources it needs to exist (time, attention, devotion).

Even if this cannot be guaranteed for all relationships (for example, extended friendships will often have to back off when a person moves to a distant place with their partner) and not all people who practice polyamory strive for a high level of commitment, one can those are very important for a partnership (primary relationship) that should achieve a certain depth and familiarity. The statement that a partnership is binding means the will not to give it up in favor of another relationship and to be loyal to the partnership. Commitment is often seen more as a declaration of intent rather than a binding obligation, since in the end the free decision of the people involved will be decisive. Commitment in the sense of polyamory can, but does not have to mean, that a relationship is entered into for an indefinite period of time. Relationships can also last for a while and, in the opinion of many proponents of polyamory, their end does not necessarily mean that the relationship has failed.

It is essential that commitment must never be tacitly accepted by one of the partners, but must be the result of a mutual coordination and clarification process in which all open questions and conflicts that could endanger the relationship are clarified.

Relationship of values ​​in the concepts of polyamory and monogamy

As can be seen from this list of common values ​​in polyamorous relationships, these represent less of a contrast to the values ​​of “monoamorous” relationships, but rather a changed priority of values ​​based on the basic human needs for connectedness and freedom.

While there are certainly polyamory supporters who consider their individual values ​​to be superior to more conventional value systems, many of them consider polyamory and one-on-one relationships to be equivalent ways of life, the choice being made by the individual. While they believe that some monogamous relationships are based on mere conformity or possessive thinking, they do not regard this as a necessary characteristic of monogamous relationships any more than they would recognize attachment disability as a characteristic of polyamory. In contrast, polyamory is also understood as a radically different concept.

People who practice polyamory, on the other hand, usually reject secret extramarital relationships (cheating), as this represents a serious encroachment on the freedom of the other to decide on the basis of the facts about his relationship. Converting a long-standing secret triangular relationship into a polyamorous one is only possible in the rarest of cases, since the trust that is essential for communication in the primary relationship is usually too badly damaged.

Polyamory and society

Equality of polyamorous forms of life

Polyamorous forms of life are not socially recognized, their possibility is often questioned. Mono-normativity denotes the view that monogamous , long-term two-way relationships are the only possible and desirable way of maintaining relationships. This is deeply anchored in European and Anglo-Saxon cultures in cultural symbols, myths and stories: For example, it is a typical pattern of action in Greek myths as in modern films that two men jealously compete for a woman and she has to choose one of the two. Many stories end with the death of the loser. Older myths show that this has not been the case at all times and in all cultures.

Anthropological studies show that couple bonds are one of the basic constants of human behavior, but non-monogamous forms of life, especially polygyny and , to a lesser extent, polyandry , occurred in the majority of human cultures ; the forms of coexistence were always closely linked to the economic interests of preserving and passing on family or common property and other social relationships. Exclusive two-person relationships as a binding social norm are largely based on concepts and ideals that are fundamentally called into question by polyamory. According to the anthropologist Helen Fisher, behaviors such as cheating or adultery occur despite often harsh punishments in all of the societies studied, in which exclusive relationships are considered the norm. Nevertheless, statements about it, especially to relationship partners, are largely taboo. In today's societies, genetic studies on the frequency of extramarital pregnancies yield numerical values ​​between a few percent and 30%.

Because of the fear of being discriminated against, a large number of people who prefer or tolerate polyamorous relationships decide to make this known only within a narrow circle of friends and relatives. This in turn means that it seems more difficult to find suitable partners than it is in reality. That is why activists of the polyamory subculture such as Ken Haslam or Deborah Anapol advocate promoting the public perception of polyamory as a possible form of relationship. A portrayal of polyamory as “better” is not sought - apart from extremely dogmatic groups. Rather, it is often emphasized that such forms of relationship are only desirable for a few people, require a lot of energy and constructive discussion and usually fail if not all parties involved wish to live in such a form.

Polyamory is legal in most European countries due to the principle of sexual self-determination , apart from the prohibition of plural marriage (bigamy) ; severe punishments are to be expected mainly in Islamic states if polyandry or homosexuality are practiced. People with several long-term partnerships often see equality of polyamorous forms of life in certain aspects as desirable; It is often mentioned, for example, that all partners should have the right to visit hospital in the event of a life-threatening illness and to make dispositions, or that in the event of death, the right to reside for surviving partners should be preserved. People in polyamorous families would be given security if bringing up children together were protected by appropriate custody.

In the political discussion so far, polyamorous people have so far advocated a reduction in discrimination and recognition of their way of life as equal, but beyond that they only expressed little interest in a legal formalization of their diverse ways of life. Such positions are probably due in part to their own perception as an extreme minority and have begun to change in recent years.

In the course of the discussion about the equality of same-sex partnerships , the monogamous two-way relationship was also questioned as the only desirable form of relationship. Counter-proposals in the area of lifestyle policy have been made by transsexual Christina Schenk (manifesto “Bake a New Cake”), the Green Youth in Germany with representatives like Julia Seeliger (“Is monogamy the solution?”, Statement by the Federal Executive Committee in February 2006) or the youth organization of the Swedish Green Party (report in the newspaper Nya Dagen in March 2004).

In this discussion, the interests of polyamorous people are increasingly being explicitly mentioned. Julia Seeliger ( Bündnis 90 / Die Grünen ) proposes, for example, improved equality of lifestyles and a replacement of the previous family tax incentives with a family contract analogous to the French Pact Civil de Solidarité (PACS). The Pirate Party Germany is following a similar path , which in 2010 included the demand for equality of polyamorous relationships in its basic program. The Pirate Party wants to achieve equality by opening up civil partnerships for more than two people while at the same time making marriage and civil partnership equal. Life partnerships are to be made more flexible based on PACS. The SPD , the CDU / CSU , the AfD and the FDP do not take up such proposals, as some representatives in the Pirate Party and the Greens have contemplated, and rather rejected them, because they are in line with Christian values ​​and cultural realities and traditions in Germany would contradict.

In April 2009, in the Netherlands, the world's first initiative, a group led by the writer Ageeth Veenemans , collected several thousand signatures for a petition for the legalization of polyamorous marriages , accompanying the art campaign “ My Name is Spinoza ”.

Such efforts are criticized in the USA by conservatives such as Stanley Kurtz in the National Review magazine with the same arguments as those for the recognition of marriages for homosexual couples ( civil partnerships ); Such equality, according to Kurtz, would be a cause of a further decrease in the stability of traditional marriages and would also further reduce the pressure on parents to get married; this would lead to increased illegitimate pregnancies and separations, since the existence of marriage as a social institution depends on the whole of society promoting heterosexual, monogamous relationships and marriage as the only form of coexistence. This argument gives the state recognition of ways of life a much stronger influence than the general change in social values .

In Colombia, the country's first tripartite relationship - under 3 men - was notarized in June 2017. Many media reported it as the first three-way marriage. In fact, this is not a state-recognized marriage, but the three have notarized a document in which they commit themselves to a three-way relationship, with certain rights and obligations. How much legal value this will have in an emergency remains to be seen.

See also : Lifestyle Policy

Polyamory and religion

Another variant of criticism against the recognition of polyamorous ways of life is based on religion. The sexual ethics of Christianity , Islam and Judaism do not provide for consensual and equal non-monogamous relationships between men and women, and these are occasionally equated with adultery or assessed as fornication , which today in some Islamic countries are punished with death by stoning . In parts of the very conservative Catholic spectrum and by fundamentalist currents, polyamory is viewed as a form of fornication or perversion . Accordingly, people with a polyamorous way of life are often somewhat distant from these religions. Other religions and spiritual practices such as Neopaganism or Wicca , Unitarianism , Tantrism, and (to a lesser extent) Daoism and Buddhism have norms that are more likely to accept polyamory and are relatively more popular among their adherents , especially in the United States . There are exceptions to these tendencies, as the example of the Jew Etty Hillesum shows.

See also : Polygamy in the world religions

Known persons living in amicable multiple relationships

Edna St. Vincent Millay , photographed by Carl Van Vechten (1933)

Virginia Woolf (1927)

John Maynard Keynes (1933)

Judith Malina (around 1970)

Since the term polyamory and its direct predecessor responsible nonmonogamy only emerged between the 1960s and 1990, they cannot always be clearly applied to people who lived earlier. This list follows four criteria: On the one hand, it only lists people who have mutually agreed to have lived in several relationships with their partners. Forced consent must therefore be excluded. As a second criterion, there must be no evidence that the relationship has been concealed from a partner . Third, in the case of living persons, the list only includes those who have themselves publicly admitted to amicable, non-monogamous relationships. Fourth, the conduct of these relationships should be reflected in the life, work, or thought of those persons.

As a qualification, it must be said that not all people who followed polyamorous ideals in their later life have realized this from their youth and that of course, as explained above, people who live in open relationships occasionally make mistakes and do things that correspond to their convictions contradict. An example is the poet and playwright Edna St. Vincent Millay , who had a relationship with both Djuna Barnes and her partner Thelma Ellen Wood , which both ended when Millay discovered the relationship. Millay later had an open marriage to Eugene Jan Boissevain . Finally, it should be remembered that even in consensual, non-monogamous relationships, strong jealousy can emerge.

• Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre and Olga Kosakiewicz , all writers
• Amelia Earhart , aviator
• Bertrand Russell , mathematician; and Constance Malleson and Miles Malleson , both actors
• Bertolt Brecht
• Vita Sackville-West , author and garden designer, and Harold Nicolson , diplomat, and Violet Trefusis , writer
• Percy Bysshe Shelley , poet
• Edith Nesbit and Hubert Bland and George Bernard Shaw
• CT Butler , founder of Food Not Bombs
• William Moulton Marston and Elizabeth (Sadie) Holloway Marston and Olive Byrne
• Etty Hillesum , Dutch diary author and mystic, murdered in Auschwitz in 1943 , and Julius Spier , psychochirologist
• Arnold Zweig , writer, and Beatrice Zweig , painter
• Virginia Woolf and many other members of the Bloomsbury Group , such as Bertrand Russell , Clive Bell , Vanessa Bell , Duncan Grant , John Maynard Keynes , Ottoline Morrell , Phillip Morrell , Adrian Stephen , David Garnett , Dora Carrington , Lytton Strachey and Ralph Partridge
• Dossie Easton and her partner Janet Hardy , authors of The Ethical Slut
• Deborah Anapol , author of Polyamory: The New Love without Limits
• Franz Hessel and Henri-Pierre Roché and Helen Hessel , whose story told by Roché is reproduced in the film Jules and Jim by François Truffaut
• Edna St. Vincent Millay , poet and playwright
• Rainer Maria Rilke , poet, and Lou Andreas-Salomé , writer and psychoanalyst
• Birgitte V. Philippides , painter
• Ken Haslam , anesthetist and polyamory activist
• Nan Wise and Julio Cortes
• Robyn Trask , editor of Loving More magazine
• Sasha Lessin , founder of the World Polyamory Association
• Dieter Wedel , director, and Dominique Voland and Uschi Wolters
• Warren Buffett , investor and philanthropist , and Susan Thompson , singer, and Astrid Menks
• Erwin Schrödinger , physicist and co-founder of quantum theory, Annemarie Bertel , Hilde March , Arthur March
• Natalie Clifford Barney , writer
• Paxus Calta , American anti-nuclear movement activist
• Gustav Klimt , painter, Emilie Flöge
• Lee Miller , photographer, Roland Penrose , painter, and David E. Scherman , photographer
• Judith Malina , actress and director, Julian Beck, artist, and Hanon Reznikov , founder of The Living Theater
• Paul Bocuse , French celebrity chef, restaurateur and cookbook author, Raymonde Bocuse, Raymone Carlut, Patricia Zizza
• Georg Forster , natural scientist, journalist and early revolutionary
• Ernie Reinhardt, known as Lilo Wanders , actor and travesty artist
• Karl Barth , socialist and anti-nuclear weapon , theologian and co-founder of the Confessing Church , Nelly Barth and Charlotte von Kirschbaum , Protestant theologian
• Martin Cahill , Irish gang boss, and Francis Cahill and Patricia, her sister
• Voltaire , French enlightener, Émilie du Châtelet and Jean-François de Saint-Lambert
• Dorothea Rodde-Schlözer , the second woman with a doctorate in Germany (1787) and inventor of the German double name, with the mayor of Lübeck Mattheus Rodde and the French scholar Charles de Villers

Films, plays and songs (selection)

Films:

• Jules and Jim (France 1962), by François Truffaut
• Pourquoi pas! (France 1977), by Coline Serreau (with Sami Frey )
• Summer Lovers (USA / Greece 1982), by Randal Kleiser (with Peter Gallagher , Daryl Hannah )
• Evening suit (France 1986), by Bertrand Blier
• Henry & June (USA 1990), by Philip Kaufman
• Einsam Zweisam Dreisam (USA 1994), by Andrew Fleming
• Obsession (Germany / France 1997), by Peter Sehr
• A song of love and death - Gloomy Sunday (Germany / Hungary 1999), by Rolf Schübel (based on the novel by Nick Barkow Das Lied vom Sad Sonntag )
• Pas de café, pas de télé, pas de sexe (Switzerland 1999), by Romed Wyder
• Bandits! (USA 2001), by Barry Levinson
• Dix sept fois Cécile Cassard (France 2002), by Christophe Honoré (with Béatrice Dalle , Romain Duris , Jeanne Balibar )
• When Two Won't Do (Canada 2002), by Maureen Marovitch and David Finch
• Die Träumer - The Dreamers (Italy / France / Great Britain 2003), by Bernardo Bertolucci
• Three of Hearts: A Postmodern Family (USA 2004), documentary by Susanne Kaplan
• Head in the Clouds (Canada / Great Britain 2004), by John Duigan
• Paint or Love (France 2005), by Arnaud Larrie and Jean-Marie Larrieu
• Seafood (France 2005), by Olivier Ducastel and Jacques Martineau
• Vicky Cristina Barcelona (USA / Spain 2008), by Woody Allen
• Drei (Germany 2010), by Tom Tykwer
• Quartett d'Amour - Love, Whom you Want (France 2010), by Antony Cordier (with Marina Foïs , Élodie Bouchez , Roschdy Zem , Nicolas Duvauchelle )
• Savages (USA 2012), by Oliver Stone (with Blake Lively , Taylor Kitsch , Aaron Taylor-Johnson )
• More than friendship (Germany 2013), by Timmy Ehegötz
• Professor Marston & The Wonder Women (USA 2017), by Angela Robinson

Plays:

• Johann Wolfgang von Goethe : Stella (first version 1775). Probably because this version does not suit the sittenstrengeren citizens in the audience, Goethe wrote the play so that two of the main characters, Stella and Fernando, at the end suicide commit.
• Dario Fo and Franca Rame: Open two-way relationship (Coppia aperta, quasi spalancata) , world premiere in Italy 1983

Songs:

• David Crosby : Triad (1967)
• The Police : Tea In The Sahara (1983)
• King Crimson : Man With an Open Heart (1984)
• Sting : If You Love Somebody Set Them Free (1985)
• Type O Negative : My Girlfriend's Girlfriend (1996)
• The Fantastic Four : Love Sucks (1998)
• Marque : One to make her happy (2000)
• Stereo Total : Love for Three (2001)
• David Rovics : Polyamory Song (2001)
• Breaking Benjamin : Polyamorous (2002)
• Bonaparte : Polyamory (2017)

See also

Portal: Love, sexuality and partnership  - Overview of Wikipedia content on the subject of love, sexuality and partnership

literature

Scientific publications:

• 2004: Serena Anderlini-D'Onofrio: Plural Loves: Designs for Bi and Poly Living. Harrington Park Press, Binghamton 2004, ISBN 1-56023-293-5 .
• 2011: Karoline Boehm: Practices of polyamory: About open relationships, intimate networks and changing emotional styles. Diploma thesis from 2011. Publisher of the Institute for European Ethnology, Vienna 2012, ISBN 978-3-902029-20-1 ( summary ).
• 2005: Elaine Cook: Commitment in Polyamorous Relationships. Psychological master's thesis Regis University, Denver 2005 ( full text on aphroweb.net ).
• 2004: Elizabeth F. Emens: Monogamy's Law: Compulsory Monogamy and Polyamorous Existence. In: New York University Review of Law & Social Change. Volume 29, New York February 2004, pp. 277-329 ( PDF download from ssrn.com ).
• 2007: Christian Klesse: Polyamory: The promise to love many. A comment on the state of research. In: Journal for Sexual Research. Organ of the German Society for Sexual Research. No. 20. Thieme, Stuttgart / New York 2007, pp. 316-330 ( doi: 10.1055 / s-2007-981350 ).
• 2015: Sina Muscarina: Polyamory - hearts between success and hope. Biographical analyzes of non-monogamous relationships. Psychological diploma thesis University of Vienna 2014. epubli, Vienna 2015, ISBN 978-3-7375-6796-1 (ebook: ISBN 978-3-7375-6795-4 ; PDF download from academia.edu ).
• 2019: Michael Raab: Care in consensual-non-monogamous relationship networks: Caring networks beyond the norm . Budrich, Opladen u. a. 2019, ISBN 978-3-86388-817-6 , pp. 127-212 , doi : 10.2307 / j.ctvktrvvk ( excerpt in the Google Book Search).
• 2004: Christian Ruether: Free love, open marriage and polyamory: history of concepts of non-monogamous forms of relationships since the 1960s in the USA and in German-speaking countries. Diploma thesis University of Vienna 2004 ( PDF: 569 kB, 94 pages on christianruether.com ).
• 2006: Special issue: Special Issue on Polyamory. In: Sexualities. Studies in Culture and Society. Volume 9, No. 5, December 1, 2006 ( ISSN  1363-4607 ).

Non-fiction:

• ????: Deborah M. Anapol: Polyamory. The New Love without Limits. Without publisher, place and year (on the transition from monogamous to polyamorous relationships and experiences in dealing with jealousy).
• ????: Peter J. Benson: The Polyamory Handbook: A User's Guide. Without publisher, place and year (practice of polyamorous relationships based on many examples and strategies and norms established in polyamorous networks).
• 2009: Dossie Easton, Janet W. Hardy: The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures. 2nd, expanded edition. Celestial Arts, Berkeley 2009, ISBN 978-0-307-79048-4 (first published in 1997 under the pseudonym Catherine A. Liszt; polyamory practiced on trust, partnership, love and especially "community" as components; German: Schlampen mit Moral: Eine practical instructions for polyamory, open relationships and other adventures.mvg , Munich 2014, ISBN 978-3-86882-508-4 ).
• ????: Wendy-O Matik: Redefining our Relationships. Self-published, without place and year (the concise work places emotional aspects in the foreground instead of sexuality; friendship and respect appear here as the basis of every relationship, and love is seen as an increasing risk of boundlessness and as a radical attitude that encompasses the whole of life shown).
• 2005: Laura Méritt , Traude Bührmann , Nadja Boris Schefzig (eds.): More than love: Polyamorous relationships. Orlanda Frauenverlag, Berlin 2005, ISBN 3-936937-32-X (the pioneers of a polyamorous culture in Germany include lesbian-oriented women who describe their experiences here).
• 2020: Michel Raab, Cornelia Schadler (Eds.): Polyfantastisch? Non-monogamy as an emancipatory practice. Unrast, Münster 2020, ISBN 978-3-89771-282-9 (anthology with academic, activist and biographical texts on the social significance of non-monogamous forms of relationships and families).
• 2004: Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 (English; understands polyamory as a "new paradigm" of interpersonal relationships that requires in-depth questioning of common assumptions to be successful; extensive and reasoned warnings and examples of why polyamorous relationships involve considerable risks).
• 1929: Bertrand Russell : Marriage and Morals . Ohne Verlag, ohne Ort 1929 (original Marriage and Morals ; based on a profound analysis of the processes and influences that led to the family structures of the 19th century, describes the future of family relationships due to the onset of social changes and calls for a renunciation of Monogamy as a moral concept and a priority for self-determination within partnerships and marriages).
• 2010: Oliver Schott: Praise for the open relationship. About love, sex, sanity and happiness . Bertz + Fischer, Berlin 2010, ISBN 978-3-86505-704-4 (sharp reckoning with monogamy and critical discussions on alternative relationship models; polyamory is dealt with in a separate chapter).
• 2010: Thomas Schroedter, Christina Vetter: Polyamory: A memory. Butterfly, Stuttgart 2010, ISBN 978-3-89657-659-0 .
• 2014: Franklin Veaux, Eve Rickert: More Than Two: A practical guide to ethical polyamory. Thorntree Press, 2014, ISBN 978-0-9913997-0-3 (ePub: ISBN 978-0-9913997-2-7 ; extensive and careful analysis of non-monogamous forms of relationships, their implementation and context).
• ????: Celeste West: Lesbian Polyfidelity. Without publisher, place and year (in addition to - to a large extent independent of the sexual orientation - emotional aspects such as dealing with jealousy and setting appropriate limits, emphasizes many practical aspects such as time management by renouncing the insignificant, children in non-monogamous relationships or the hopelessness of “Don't ask - Don't tell” relationships).

Biographies, Autobiographies, and Reports:

• 1996: Manfred Flügge : Cracked Love: The true story of "Jules and Jim". Aufbau-Taschenbuch-Verlag, Berlin 1996, ISBN 3-7466-1333-7 .
• 2002: Jennifer Gates: Survivors of an Open Marriage. KiWE Publishing, Spokane 2002, ISBN 1-931195-18-8 (describes in detail the development of a couple who, inspired by a book by Nena and George O'Neill, decided to have an open marriage, and this after painful experiences as regrettable Giving up mistakes and turning to traditional values).
• 1983: Etty Hillesum : The Thinking Heart: The Diaries of Etty Hillesum 1941–1943. Without publisher, without location 1983 (original An interrupted life: the Diaries of Etty Hillesum 1941–1943 , translated by Arnold Pomerans, New York 1983).
• 2008: Felix Ihlefeldt: If you love more than one person: women and men talk about their way of living in partnership more freely. Schwarzkopf, Berlin 2008, ISBN 978-3-89602-858-7 .
• 1996: Ilse Lange (Ed.): Arnold Zweig, Beatrice Zweig, Helene Weyl : Come here, we love you. Letters. Structure, Berlin 1996, ISBN 3-351-03439-3 .
• 2012: Annette Meisl: Five men for me: A SEX experiment. Südwest, Munich 2012, ISBN 978-3-517-08759-7 .
• 1974: Nigel Nicolson : Portrait of a marriage: Harold Nicolson and Vita Sackville-West. Kindler, Munich 1974, ISBN 3-463-00594-8 (original Portrait of a Marriage , 1973; biographical book about the marriage of Vita Sackville-West and Harold Nicolson , based on Vita records).
• 1953: Henri-Pierre Roché : Jules and Jim . Structure, Berlin 2000, ISBN 3-7466-1466-X (first published in France 1953).

more publishments

Press articles

• Iris Dankemeyer: Fuck Polyamory. In: Concrete. Issue 8, 2010, accessed on September 11, 2013 (Critique of Polyamory). In addition: Oliver Schott: Replica by Oliver Schott - author of Praise of the Open Relationship
• Violetta Simon: He has a different one - how beautiful! In: Süddeutsche.de . May 17, 2010, accessed on September 11, 2013 (conversation with couple therapist Markus Bärlocher about jealousy).
• Julia Seeliger : Debate Young Utopias: My flat share is my family. In: taz.de . April 22, 2010, accessed on April 10, 2019 (demand: the state must adapt its laws to this diversity of lifestyles and allow multiple parenting).
• Tobias Kurfer: Polyamory: love and sex without limits. In: Focus Online . October 8, 2009, accessed September 11, 2013.
• Colette Bernhard: Meet the polyamorists - a growing band of people who believe that more lovers equals more love. In: The Independent . London, September 13, 2009, accessed September 11, 2013.
• Philip Wolff: Myth of Monogamy. In: Süddeutsche Zeitung Knowledge . June 2009, pp. 16-28.
• Alex Williams: Hopelessly Devoted to You, You and You. In: The New York Times . October 3, 2008, accessed September 11, 2013.
• Serge Debrebant: love, sex, and honesty. In: Frankfurter Rundschau . January 30, 2008, pp. 36-37.
• Philipp Mattheis: You and I and I and he. ( Memento of 10 March 2009 at the Internet Archive ) In: taz.de . November 2nd, 2007 (in archive.org ; you don't love one partner, you have several relationships at the same time, with the knowledge and consent of all involved; makes Polyamory happy?).
• Hannes Stein: Living more beautifully with several partners. In: The world . October 26, 2007, accessed on September 11, 2013 (in the USA, the new "Polyamory" is not just about pure sex, but about more love).
• Katja Gelinsky: Polygamy: marriage to the power of two. In: Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung . October 7, 2007, accessed September 11, 2013 (in America, interest groups are fighting for a “polyamorous” multi-partner lifestyle).
• Annedore Beelte: I'm marrying the family. In: taz.de . July 7, 2007, accessed on September 11, 2013 (for the film festival “Facetten polyamoren L (i) ebens”).
• Dirk Engelhardt: I love you and her, and you love me and him. ( Memento from January 16, 2009 in the Internet Archive ) In: Tages-Anzeiger . Zurich, January 23, 2007 (in archive.org ).
• Wolf Dieter Roth: The return to the extended family? In: Telepolis . July 7, 2006, accessed on September 11, 2013 (“Polyamorous Families”: An Alternative to “Swinging”, “Cheating” or “LAGs”?).
• Henryk M. Broder : Partnership: The model of the future . In: Der Spiegel . No. 40 , 1997, pp. 146-148 ( online ).

TV reports

• Jana Matthes, Andrea Schramm : I don't just love one. (29 minutes) Schramm-Matthes-Film for ZDF 37 Grad , 2011.
• Polyamory - there is not only one on earth…. Arte 2010 (44 minutes; about a “multi-couple family” in Barcelona).
• Leeroy's Moments: Polyamory: Woman with two men. SWR 2020 (28 minutes; short documentary with interviews of a polyamorous relationship). (available in the SWR media library until May 25, 2021)

Radio broadcasts

• Polyamory: love for several partners at the same time and the idea and your own path at Art Dangereux, broadcast on Hamburg's citizen channel Tide 96.0 (19 minutes).
• Infidelity Without Remorse - Does Polyamory Really Work? at Forum vom Sonntag, SWR2, broadcast on June 10, 2012, 8:15 p.m.
• I love you - and you - and you. Von der Polyamorie on Freistil, Deutschlandfunk, broadcast on December 30, 2012, 8:05 p.m.

Plays

• Jean-Paul Sartre : Closed society (Review: Jean-Paul Sartre's play "No Exit" as a poly fable. In: Poly in the News. November 24, 2008).

Poems

• Rainer Maria Rilke : Early Poems. Without publisher, without place and year (angel songs) .

stories

• Charles Fourier : The New World of Love. Without publisher, without location 1820.
• Robert A. Heinlein : Stranger in a Strange World, The Lives of Lazarus Long, Revolt on Luna, The Number of the Beast, The Cat That Goes Through Walls, Sailing in the Solar Wind, Friday. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Robert H. Rimmer: The Harrad Experiment. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Andrea De Carlo : The three of us. Diogenes, Zurich 1999, ISBN 3-257-23276-4 .
• Marge Piercy : Summer People. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Marge Piercy : Woman on the Edge of Time. Without publisher, without place and year (original title: Woman on the Edge of Time ).
• Isaac Asimov : The Gods Themselves. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Milan Kundera : The book about laughing and forgetting. Kniha smíchu a zapomnění, no location 1978.
• Mercedes Lackey , Ellen Guon: Bedlam's Bard. Without publisher, without place and year (original title: Knight of Ghosts and Shadows and Summoned to Tourney ).
• Marion Zimmer Bradley : The Forbidden Tower. Without publisher, without place and year (original title: The Forbidden Tower ).
• Starhawk : The Fifth Sacred Thing. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Amy Bloom : Love is a strange child. In: love is a strange child. btb Taschenbuch, ohne Ort 1997, ISBN 3-442-72177-6 (Original title: Love is not a Pie. In Room of One's Own. 1990).
• Candas Jane Dorsey : Black Wine. Without publisher, without place and year.
• CJ Cherryh : Chanur's Legacy. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Karen Wehrstein: Lion's Heart. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Ursula K. Le Guin : Planet of the have-nots (= the dispossessed ). New edition. Phantasia, Bellheim 2006, ISBN 3-937897-20-8 (Original 1974: The Dispossessed: An Ambiguous Utopia ).
• Simone de Beauvoir : It came and stayed. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Mario Soldati : Letters from Capri. Without publisher, without place and year.
• Laura Gallego García : Secret World Idhun. Without publisher, without place and year.

Children's books

• Inga Moore: Very Hungry Black Cat. Coppenrath, no location 1991, ISBN 3-88547-775-0 (original title: Six-Dinner Sid ).
• Gabrielle Charbonnet, Pija Lindenbaum: Else-Marie and the little dads. Verlag St. Gabriel, no place and year, ISBN 3-85264-380-5 (original title: Else-Marie and Her Seven Little Daddies ).

Web links

Commons : Polyamory  - collection of pictures, videos and audio files

Wiktionary: polyamory  - explanations of meanings, word origins, synonyms, translations

• Polyamores Network e. V .: Current announcements. In: polyamory.de. (new German association). 
• Beat Rubischon: Left. In: polyamory.ch. (Collection of links). 
• Alan M .: Polyamory in the News. In: polyinthemedia.blogspot.de. Polyamorous Percolations (the blog also discusses current press articles from Germany , Europe and worldwide). 

Individual evidence

1. ^ McGraw-Hill : Glossary: ​​Polyamory. In: Janet S Hyde, Madison John D DeLamater: Understanding Human Sexuality. 9th edition, accessed January 18, 2019; Quote: "The nonpossessive, honest, responsible, and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously".
2. ↑ Merriam Webster's Online Dictionary: polyamory. Retrieved January 18, 2019; Quote: "the state or practice of having more than one open romantic relationship at a time".
3. ↑ FAQ of the Usenet newsgroup alt.polyamory. , Item 3, posted on September 9, 1997 by Elise Matthesen, accessed on January 18, 2019; Quote: “What this boils down to with polyamory is that polyamorous people do not tell partners, lovers, or prospective members of those groups that they are monogamous when in fact they are not - nor do they allow these people to assume they are monogamous , regardless of how convenient or personally advantageous such assumptions might be. "
4. ↑ ^{a b} Christian Ruether: Free love, open marriage and polyamory. History of concepts of non-monogamous forms of relationships since the 1960s in the USA and in German-speaking countries. Philosophical diploma thesis, University of Vienna 2005, p. 53 ( PDF: 569 kB, 94 pages on christianruether.com); Quote: "According to this," polyamory "is defined by four essential characteristics: 1) honesty / transparency (poly is not" cheating "); 2) equality / consensus (poly is not patriarchal polygyny ); 3) Erotic love with more than one person over a period of time (poly is more than friendship / poly is not monogamy ); 4) Long-term orientation (poly is not swinging in principle ) In addition to these general characteristics, there are a large number of possible forms […] ”.
5. ↑ International Conference on Polyamory & Mono-Normativity, Research Center for Gender & Queer Studies. University of Hamburg, 5./6. November 2005.
6. ↑ Wendy-o-Matic (Wendy Millstone), “Redefining our Relationships” (2002), pp. 20-21: “Alternative Relationships are not easy or simple. They require rigorous communication skills and constant re-working and re-adjusting to manage those growing and evolving connections. They demand attentive reassurance, a kind of blind faith in love, and an ability to learn in the face of tremendous challenges. They are a constant struggle to overcome jealousy and to work through the embedded socialization process that can predetermine or affect our perceptions of what we feel and how we feel. "
7. ↑ Deborah M. Anapol: Polyamory: The New Love without Limits (1997), p. 31; Quote: “Multipartner relationships are inherently more complex and demanding than monogamous ones. The difficulties are compounded by the fact that those interested in polyamory are operating outside the norms of our culture and venturing into unfamiliar territory - without a road map! [...] In our age there are few geographic frontiers left, but the challenges of exploring new ways of relating intimately are no less demanding than those faced by the intrepid explorers who risked sailing over the edge of a supposedly flat world. "
8. ↑ Celeste West: Lesbian Polyfidelity (1996), p. 181; Quote: “[…] But guess what? Aspects I love of the Japanese Tea Ceremony are useful skills in Polyamory too: its dramatic restraint, total focus, superb discipline, and conviviality. And what about a martial artist's boundary control, and fine craftperson's self-direction, self-discovery, and pursuit of clarity? "
9. ↑ See also Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 , Chapter 6, p. 39 ff.
10. ^ ^{A b} Bertrand Russell: Marriage and Morals. George Allen & Unwin Publishers, London 1929
11. ^ ^{A b} Bertrand Russell: Human Society in Ethics and Politics , London 1954, George Allen & Unwin Verlag
12. ↑ ^{a b} Article: Newly Discovered Amelia Earhart Letter Shows Her Wild Side. ( Memento of February 28, 2010 in the Internet Archive ) In: Ncbuy.com. February 25, 2003, accessed April 10, 2019; Earhart wrote in a letter to her future husband, George P. Putnam: “I want you to understand I shall not hold you to any midaevil [sic] code of faithfulness to me nor shall I consider myself bound to you similarly […] should you or I become interested deeply (or in passing) in anyone else. "
13. ↑ ^{a b} Freitag.de : Sexually networked singles , February 12, 1999
14. ↑ ^{a b} Bertolt Brecht: Large, annotated Berlin and Frankfurt edition, letters 1–3, volume 28–30. Aufbau-Verlag, Berlin and Weimar, Suhrkamp-Verlag, Frankfurt am Main 1998; 832 p., 816 p. (Not viewed).
15. ↑ ^{a b} Dieter Lattmann: Do you know Brecht Reclam-Verlag, Stuttgart 1988, ISBN 3-15-008465-2 (not viewed)
16. ↑ Alice Schwarzer: Simone de Beauvoir - a reader with pictures. Rowohlt, Hamburg 2007, ISBN 978-3-498-06400-6 , introduction, p. 12.
17. ^ "A colorful bouquet of loved ones" - translation of the original text from the largest German-speaking polyamory community on Facebook under a free license: copy of the original , free translation PDF
18. ↑ Deborah M. Anapol: Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners (Rowman & Littlefield Publishers, 2010), p. 207. “For Andie, the polyamory community has' too many outdated values ​​about gender, sexuality, power , and love and is too focused on definitions and rules and making new mental institutions for managing love relationships with several people instead of just one. Since I was interested in escaping the idea that love needed rules and institutions to survive, I never felt much at home ', she says. "
    Andie summarizes her position as follows:" I felt a need to put another piece on the table, so that the scale of possible relationship choices didn't just go between monogamous to polyamorous but had a third, outer point - relationship anarchy. This is how I see the scale these days. Monogamy says love is only for two people; everyone knows the drill. Polyamory says love relationships can be between several people in various configurations, but there is still a difference between those who are 'partners' in various ways and those who are not. Relationship anarchy says the gray scale between love and friendship is so gray that we cannot draw a line, and thus we shouldn't institutionalize a difference between partners and nonpartners. "
    She realizes that from a monogamous worldview, polyamory looks no different from relationship anarchy , but to a relationship anarchist, the question "how many partners do you have?" makes no sense and is actually offensive. "The term is meant to put a useful label on an attitude that I feel is different enough from the mainstream polyamory that deals with a lot of defining things like primary partners, jealousy and time management, and so on to deserve its own term," she concludes.
19. ↑ Details on the origin of the term can be found in the article by Alan: "Polyamory" enters the Oxford English Dictionary. In: Polyamorous Percolations. January 6, 2006 (English).
20. ↑ Google Books Link
21. ↑ Illustrated History of English Literature, Volume 1, p. 68 by Alfred Charles Ward : First appearance of the word "polyamorist": 1953! Polyamory in The Media, December 26, 2010.
22. ↑ polyamorysociety.org .
23. ↑ Representatives of queer theory and sex radicals point out the danger that such definitions create new exclusivity, for example in a devaluation of a sharing of sexuality for its own sake. It is stated that in many parts of the queer community sexual relationships are viewed as something positive even without legitimation through love, since sexuality is fundamentally nothing bad (see Klesse in Méritt, Bührmann and Schefzig, 2005).
24. ↑ See for example polyhamburg.blogspot.com
25. ↑ See for example polyamore.de
26. ↑ See, for example, Serge Debrebant: Love, Sex and Honesty. In: Frankfurter Rundschau , January 30, 2008, pp. 36–37.
27. ↑ See polyamore.de
28. ^ Article in WELT Online on May 9, 2009
29. ↑ See for example the book title “Die Schlampenommen!” As well as the life form-political platform Schlampagne ( wolfsmutter.com ( Memento of February 21, 2014 in the Internet Archive )).
30. ↑ See also Andreas Schlothauer: The dictatorship of free sexuality. AAO, Mühl-Kommune, Friedrichshof. Verlag für Gesellschaftskritik, Vienna 1992, ISBN 3-85115-157-7 ( online at agpf.de ( Memento from January 21, 2013 in the Internet Archive )).
31. ↑ Helen Fisher: Anatomy of Love. Droemer Knaur 1993
32. ↑ Andreas Schlothauer: The dictatorship of free sexuality: AAO, Mühl-Kommune, Friedrichshof. Verlag für Gesellschaftskritik, Vienna 1992, ISBN 3-85115-157-7 , p. 63 ( online at agpf.de ( Memento from January 21, 2013 in the Internet Archive ));
    Quote: “The left-wing intellectuals in the AAO were given more freedom to develop their ideas. Dieter Duhm and Aike Blechschmidt jointly designed the concept of a 'Center for Experimental Society Design (ZEGG)'. The most important goals were: 1. Connection of AAO with international alternative movement; [...] ". Source given by Schlothauer on this: AA-Nachrichten. No. 7, 1977, self-published by the AAO, p. 5.
33. ↑ The author collective Die rosaroten Pantherinnen quotes Dieter Duhm, who was the most important co-founder of the ZEGG alongside Sabine Kleinhammes, as follows in a speech from 1978: “The Bauhütte is a condensed idea around which a few people have gathered. [...] I want to say right away what this idea mainly has to do with: with the former AAO, whose concepts of self-expression, free sexuality and the communitarian way of life inspire us [...] Our modest goal is to build a functioning alternative community of several hundred people […] We call this dream destination 'ZEGG': Center for experimental society design. ”c / o ASTA of the FU Berlin, Berlin 1995, ISBN 3-926522-11-9 .
34. ↑ Quote from Hope Foureux, Hope's Personal Poly FAQ. ( Memento of August 10, 2006 in the Internet Archive ), November 8, 2006, accessed on April 10, 2019 (English); Quote: "Question: Ok, so what you are saying is that you are in an 'open relationship'. Is that like 'free love' from the 60s? Answer: The free love of the 1960s is not like polyamory because it fostered an attitude of 'anything goes' with anyone. Free love, with its unfettered sexual practices, was in many ways irresponsible and caused the problems that followed: the illusion that the Pill was protection against STDs (ouch), and an increase of individuals unwilling to make and adhere to commitments (ouch again) . There was definitely a down side to free love, proving the theory once again that 'nothing is truly free'. Polyamory focuses on strengthening relationships and promotes the option of individuals to commit to more than one partner. Unlike free love, polyamory is more about community, friendship, and creating a family of choice. And unlike their free love forebearers, many members of the poly community are well-educated on STDs and some often take workshops on strengthening their relationships and improving communication skills. "
35. ↑ A less negative assessment of free love, but an equally clear demarcation from polyamory can be found in the poly primer by Helly & Jay , September 28, 2007: “Free love is a complex topic with a complex story - apart from other problems, it mainly stuck true equality in the sixties conceptually still in its infancy. And that makes a difference: Because real equality is one of the most important prerequisites for polyamorous togetherness. / Free love and polyamory are of course related in the philosophy of life, but anyone who thinks of free love as historical porn, detached from the cultural context, with "sex with everyone everywhere" and then equates polyamory with it, thoroughly misunderstands both the one and the other. / With polyamory, even if each poly variant has its own dynamic, everything is not primarily about sex, but about building multiple love relationships with shared responsibility. Which doesn't mean that sex doesn't play an important role! Without sex, polyamory would not be polyamory, but monogamy-plus-good-friends, and that would not be so new. "
36. ^ West, 1996
37. ↑ Anapol, 1997
38. ↑ Méritt, Bührmann, Schefzig, 2005
39. ^ Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 , chapter 39.
40. ↑ e.g. Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals .
41. ↑ Wendy-o-Matic (Wendy Millstone), “Redefining our Relationships” (2002), pp. 20-21: “Alternative Relationships are not easy or simple. They require rigorous communication skills and constant re-working and re-adjusting to manage those growing and evolving connections. They demand attentive reassurance, a kind of blind faith in love, and an ability to learn in the face of tremendous challenges. They are a constant struggle to overcome jealosy and to work through the embedded socialization process that can predetermine or affect our perceptions of what we feel and how we feel. "
42. ↑ Deborah M. Anapol: Polyamory: The New Love without Limits. 1997, p. 31; Quote: “Multipartner relationships are inherently more complex and demanding than monogamous ones. The difficulties are compounded by the fact that those interested in polyamory are operating outside the norms of our culture and venturing into unfamiliar territory - without a road map! [...] In our age there are few geographic frontiers left, but the challenges of exploring new ways of relating intimately are no less demanding than those faced by the intrepid explorers who risked sailing over the edge of a supposedly flat world. "
43. ↑ Celeste West: Lesbian Polyfidelity. 1996, p. 181; Quote: “[…] But guess what? Aspects I love of the Japanese Tea Ceremony are useful skills in Polyamory too: its dramatic restraint, total focus, superb discipline, and conviviality. And what about a martial artist's boundary control, and fine craftperson's self-direction, self-discovery, and pursuit of clarity? "
44. ↑ See also Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 , Chapter 6, p. 39 ff.
45. ↑ Anapol, "Polyamory, the New Love without Limits," 1997
46. ↑ I love you and her, and you love me and him. ( Memento from January 16, 2009 in the Internet Archive ) Tages-Anzeiger from January 23, 2007, accessed on July 28, 2011.
47. ^ ^{A b} Easton, Liszt, "The Ethical Slut", p. 133 ff.
48. ↑ Wend-o-Matic, 2003, “Redefining our Relationships”, p. 25 ff.
49. ↑ Celeste West, "Lesbian Polyfidelity," 149.
50. ↑ See Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 , p. 156; Quote: “A dyad is a wonderfully simple thing […] Add so much as one other influential person into that equation, and complexity takes off in a sharply nonlinear fashion. Complexity quickly leads to chaos, when tends to equate to disaster in circumstances that require communication, planning, or security to any degree - an intimate relationship, say.
    Structure manages complexity. One way of viewing structure is to look at the priorities under which we reason and act. Once we can see these priorities, we can learn to understand them, work with them, and shape them towards the ends we desire, not the least which is ongoing happiness ".
51. ↑ xeromag.com
52. ↑ A detailed description of relationship forms, constellations and their dynamics can be found in The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt.
53. ↑ Colette Bernhard, Meet the polyamorists - a growing band of people who believe that more lovers equals more love . In: The Independent (London), September 13, 2009.
54. ↑ See the country-specific links on polyinthemedia.blogspot.com .
55. ↑ Section 293 of the Canadian Criminal Code , which imposes up to five years imprisonment on polygamous relationships.
56. ^ More developments in the Canadian court case
57. ↑ 30 to 1 or 500 to 1, we dwarf Bountiful. Why is it about them? , Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association, accessed February 13, 2011.
58. ↑ Canada case continues unfolding , Polyamory in The News , December 12, 2010.
59. ↑ Link list: Poly mailing lists and other networking resources. In: polyamory.org.
60. ↑ See article in the taz of July 7, 2007.
61. ↑ See also “More than one love: Polyamorous relationships” by Méritt, Bührmann, and Schefzig (2005) as well as the texts on Schlampagne by Gitta Tost and Jule Blum.
62. ↑ Jenny Block: Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage. Seal Press, USA 2008.
63. ↑ List of previous meetings of the Polyamoren Netzwerk e. V. .
64. ↑ Source of supply: slutwork.net ( Memento from January 13, 2009 in the Internet Archive ).
65. ↑ Michael Raab: Care in consensual-non-monogamous relationship networks: Caring networks beyond the norm . Budrich, Opladen u. a. 2019, ISBN 978-3-86388-817-6 , pp. 127–212, here pp. 176–187 , doi : 10.2307 / j.ctvktrvvk.7 ( reading sample in the Google book search).
66. ↑ See Wendy-O Matik: Redefining our Relationships. P. 57 ff.
67. ↑ See Easton and Liszt: The Ethical Slut. Part III, Chapter 3, p. 221 ff.
68. ↑ Ryam Nearing, Loving More. The Polyfidelity Primer , Chapter 7, pp. 72-75. PEP Publishing, Hawaii 1992, ISBN 0-9622144-1-8 .
69. ↑ Two mothers and a baby. In: Frankfurter Rundschau of January 6, 2007, p. 14.
70. ↑ Steven Alexander: Free love gets a fit of the wibbles. In: The Guardian . April 4, 2005, accessed January 30, 2020.
    Research Center for Feminist, Gender & Queer Studies, Universität Hamburg: Abstracts & Introducing the Speakers. In: International Conference on Polyamory & Mono-Normativity. 4th-6th November 2005, p. 4 (English; PDF: 71 kB, 7 pages on Sozialwiss.uni-hamburg.de ( Memento from June 10, 2007 in the Internet Archive )).
    See also Meg Barker: This is my partner, and this is my… partner's partner: Constructing a polyamorous identity in a monogamous world. In: Journal of Constructivist Psychology. Volume 18, No. 1, 2005, pp. 75-88, online: August 5, 2006 (English; doi: 10.1080 / 10720530590523107 ).
71. ↑ Deborah Anapol: Polyamory, the New Love without Limits. Without publisher or location, 1997, p. 64 (English).
72. ↑ Elizabeth A. Sheff: Delighting in Your beloveds' Other Lovers. In: Psychology Today . February 26, 2019, accessed January 30, 2020 . 
73. ↑ From Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 , pp. ??; Quote: "Swim or die [...] The title of this chapter is meant to reflect on some core points of polyamory. Sharks must keep moving in order for water to flow over their gills; the concept of 'swim' is inherent to the concept of 'shark' - if a shark stops swimming, it ceases to exist. There is very little that defines polyamory from any other lifestyle, but the handful contain such things as honesty, including absolute ruthless honesty with yourself, and the drive to express that as self-disclosure. If you claim to be polyamorous, but you aren't willing to do the work, then you are either stupid, for glomming onto a trendy-seeming term that you don't understand in the least, or lying. Neither of these line up with polyamory. "
74. ↑ Celeste West: Lesbian Polyfidelity. Pp. 83-85.
75. ↑ As an example from Celeste West, Lesbian Polyfidelity , p. 74: “Most of us in this mode do not give up lying because we suffer from scruples. I indeed salute those noble souls naturally at home on the moral high ground, but those of us who insist on testing the wild waters quit lying for another reason: lying does not work. ”(Most of us who live like this admit that Don't give up lying because of a guilty conscience. I bow to those noble souls who are naturally at home in the regions of high morality, but those of us who are desperate to ride the whitewater give up lying for another reason: It just doesn't work.)
76. ↑ For unspoken agreements in traditional partnerships, see Open Marriage - Concept for a New Type of Monogamy by Nena and George O'Neill.
77. ^ Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication , Junfermann, Paderborn 2005, ISBN 3-87387-454-7 .
78. ↑ U. a. in Thomas Gordon: The New Relationship Conference. Effective conflict management in family and at work. Heyne, 2002, ISBN 3-453-86130-2 .
79. ↑ Michael Lukas Moeller, Words of Love. Erotic dialogues. An elixir for couples. Rowohlt Taschenbuchverlag 1998.
80. ^ Easton and Liszt (1997), pp. 133 ff.
81. ↑ Wendy-O Matik (2002), pp. 25 ff.
82. ↑ Celeste West (1996), pp. 110-159.
83. ↑ Anapol (1997), pp. 49-64.
84. ^ Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 , pp. ??.
85. ↑ faqs.org
86. ↑ Cynthia L. Armistead, Coming Clean - Transitioning From Cheating to a Polyamorous Relationship (accessed from technomom.com on March 3, 2008)
87. ↑ See also "The Polyamory Handbook: A User's Guide" by Peter J. Benson on the question of honesty and confidentiality in relationship networks of several people.
88. ↑ Helen Fisher , p. 72 in Anatomy of Love : "Pair-Bonding is a trademark of the human animal". Anatomy of Love. A natural history of mating, marriage, and why we stray. Fawcett / Random House, New York 1992, ISBN 0-449-90897-6 . German translation: Anatomy of love . Droemer Knaur Verlag 1993
89. ↑ For more bibliographic information on the history of polygamy and monogamy, see p. 328 in Celeste West, Lesbian Polyfidelity .
90. ↑ Helen Fisher, Anatomy of Love , pp. 75-97.
91. ↑ childsupportanalysis.co.uk
92. ^ Anthony Ravenscroft: Polyamory: Roadmaps for the Clueless & Hopeful. Fenris Brothers, Santa Fe 2004, ISBN 1-890109-53-3 , Chapters 7-22.
93. ↑ See for example the platform “ Beyond Marriage ” (which goes far beyond Polyamory) : “Marriage is not the only worthy form of family or relationship, and it should not be legally and economically privileged above all others. A majority of people - whatever their sexual and gender identities - do not live in traditional nuclear families. "
94. ↑ Is monogamy the solution? ( Memento from August 1, 2012 in the web archive archive.today ) In: gruene-jugend.de. February 25, 2006.
95. ↑ Julia Seeliger : Debate Young Utopias: My flat share is my family. In: taz.de. April 22, 2010, accessed on April 10, 2019 (demand: the state must adapt its laws to this diversity of lifestyles and allow multiple parenting).
96. ↑ Pirates against nuclear power and for forward-looking gender and family policy . ( Memento from November 23, 2010 in the Internet Archive ) Pirate Party Germany
97. ↑ Federal Party Congress 2010.2 / Application Commission / Applications 2010.2 / 2010-10-13 - Queer and Family Policy Module 4. Accessed on June 16, 2015 . 
98. ↑ Message: Petition: Dutch want to legalize multiple marriage. ( Memento of 7 March 2016 Internet Archive ) In: News.de . April 14, 2009, accessed April 10, 2019.
99. ↑ From The Weekly Standard , "Here come the Brides", December 26, 2005, quotation: "The fundamental purpose of marriage is to encourage mothers and fathers to stay bound as a family for the sake of their children. Our liberalized modern marriage system is far from perfect, and certainly doesn't always succeed in keeping parents together while their children are young. Yet often it does. Unfortunately, once we radically redefine marriage in an effort to solve the problems of adults, the institution is destined to be shattered by a cacophony of grown-up demands. "
100. ^ Stanley Kurtz: Heather Has 3 Parents. ( Memento of November 17, 2011 in the Internet Archive ) In: National Review. March 12, 2003 (English), quote: "Once we cross the border into legalized multiple parenthood, we have virtually arrived at the abolition of marriage and the family. The logic of gay marriage leads inexorably to the end of marriage, and the creation in its place of an infinitely flexible series of contracts. Monogamous marriage cannot function if it is just one of many social arrangements. Marriage as an institution depends for its successful functioning upon the support and encouragement that the ethos of monogamy receives from society as a whole. If anything can be called a marriage - including group marriage - then the ethos of monogamy that keeps families together will have been broken, and the social reinforcement that is the essence of marriage itself will be gone. "
101. ↑ First marriage of three in Colombia , orf.at, June 13, 2017, accessed June 13, 2017.
102. ↑ Is the first marriage of three in Colombia polyamory? , polyamoriemagazin.de, June 13, 2017, accessed June 13, 2017.
103. ↑ For further sources see the compilation: Religion and Law about non-monogamous relationships. May 9, 2000, accessed June 27, 2019.
104. ^ Walter van Rossum : Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre. Rowohlt, Hamburg 2001, ISBN 3-499-23042-9 .
105. ↑ ^{a b} Susanne Amarain: So secret and familiar. Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-West. Suhrkamp, ​​2006, ISBN 3-518-45826-4 .
106. ↑ Mitchel Leaska, John Phillips: Violet to Vita: The Letters of Violet Trefusis to Vita Sackville-West. Viking, place? 1990.
107. ↑ Nigel Nicholson: Portrait of a Marriage: Vita Sackville-West & Harold Nicholson. Atheneum, place? 1973.
108. ↑ Etty Hillesum: The Thinking Heart. Etty Hillesum's diaries 1941–1943. Publishing company? Place? Year?
109. ↑ Denise Randle: The Bloomsbury Group… ( Memento from November 25, 2010 in the Internet Archive ) In: Bloomsbury.denise-randle.co.uk. Undated, accessed on January 28, 2019.
110. ↑ See u. a. Quentin Bell: Bloomsbury recalled. Columbia University Press, New York 1995, ISBN 0-231-10565-7 (English).
111. ^ Dossie Easton, Liszt: The Ethical Slut. Publishing company? Place? Year? P. 9 ff.
112. ↑ Deborah Anapol: The New Love without Limits. Publishing company? Place? Year? Pp. 122-129.
113. ↑ ^{a b c d e} Trevor Stokes: I love you… and you… and you… and you, too. ( Memento of March 23, 2006 in the Internet Archive ) In: Columbia.edu News Service. March 23, 2006.
114. ↑ Birgitte V. Philippides: Artist's Bio. In: Birgittephilippides.com. Undated, accessed January 28, 2019.
115. ↑ Nan Wise: Creator of The Desire Curve. ( Memento of January 10, 2009 in the Internet Archive ) In: Thedesirecurve.com. 2007, accessed on January 28, 2019.
116. ↑ Article: How Does Warren Buffett Get Married? Frugally, It Turns Out. In: New York Times. September 1, 2006 (English);
     Item: Buffett Ties Knot at Seafood Restaurant. In: The Age. Australia, September 3, 2006 (English);
     Parmy Olson: Buffett And His Belle Get Hitched. In: Forbes.com. September 1, 2006, accessed January 28, 2019;
     Alan M .: . In: Polyamory in the News! September 3, 2006, accessed January 28, 2019.
117. ↑ From an interview in the 3sat broadcast Kulturzeit on February 14, 2008.
118. ^ Carola Hilmes: Georg Forster and Therese Huber: A marriage in letters. Publishing company? Place? Year? P. 21 ( PDF; 175 kB, 26 pages on goethezeitportal.de).
119. ↑ Joanne Mcelgunn: We're all skint; Crime boss Cahill's wife, her sister & mistress all living on the breadline. In: Thefreelibrary.com. March 4, 2005, accessed January 28, 2019.
120. ↑ Literary magazine fantastic! news from other worlds No. 4, 2010, p. 44.
121. ↑ Interview: "Drei": How Tom Tykwer explores a three-way relationship. In: Welt online. December 17, 2010, accessed May 23, 2018.
122. ^ Replica by Oliver Schott - author of Praise of the Open Relationship - to "Fuck Polyamory" by Iris Dankemeyer in 8/2010. (PDF) In: bertz-fischer.de. 2010, accessed on September 11, 2013 (PDF; 113 kB, 19 pages).